This morning at my desk the memories of my girl were just killing me. I haven't had any dope or alcohol in a long time, and I think about her so much but my hands are tied. I don't want to call her because inside I'm so angry at her and there's still so much pain.... but at the same time I'm deeply concerned and I still love her very much. And it appears she changed her life and is no longer on the shit [speed]. So not knowing how to approach her again, and after a whole year of no contact I wrote her a neutral, short, and jokingly cute email today- not expecting a reply.
Sure enough fifteen minutes ago I get this in my inbox:
"[type_x],
Hey what is going on? How are you? Things are good here I graduate school at the end of this month. And I have a job interview in Beverly Hills in a week or so. I hope all is well with you write me back.
[x_girlfriend]
PS. I did like your dancing bannans (bananas)"
I have no idea how to respond to this. I feel like shouting back, "Hey, thanks for finally giving a shit! I'm glad everything is great for you because now you wouldn't even recognize me!- Everything was going great for me before you ripped the heart out of my chest and left me bleeding for a year, without any warning! Now I'm the most pissed off, drug addicted alcoholic who spends every sober minute in hellish pain, and whose head nearly exploded from being forced to worry about whether you're going to OD, get raped, or killed! Oh and really thanks for breaking my ultimate trust in life and destroying my ability to relate to other women. But seriously, it's great you're so concerned and I hope your new life and career in Beverly Hills makes you as happy as I USED to be..."
But I can't say that. That's a bunch of fucking self-pity, and I hate even thinking it. I want to be able to drop it, forget about what happened and try to patch things up. I just don't know how to respond to this, I don't know if she still has any love for me, or even truly cares. And I'm afraid to be honest with her about where my life is now, and why.
Could someone please try and point me in the right direction? Especially any females here?
<P ID="signature">
"Was that thunder?"</P>
Sure enough fifteen minutes ago I get this in my inbox:
"[type_x],
Hey what is going on? How are you? Things are good here I graduate school at the end of this month. And I have a job interview in Beverly Hills in a week or so. I hope all is well with you write me back.
[x_girlfriend]
PS. I did like your dancing bannans (bananas)"
I have no idea how to respond to this. I feel like shouting back, "Hey, thanks for finally giving a shit! I'm glad everything is great for you because now you wouldn't even recognize me!- Everything was going great for me before you ripped the heart out of my chest and left me bleeding for a year, without any warning! Now I'm the most pissed off, drug addicted alcoholic who spends every sober minute in hellish pain, and whose head nearly exploded from being forced to worry about whether you're going to OD, get raped, or killed! Oh and really thanks for breaking my ultimate trust in life and destroying my ability to relate to other women. But seriously, it's great you're so concerned and I hope your new life and career in Beverly Hills makes you as happy as I USED to be..."
But I can't say that. That's a bunch of fucking self-pity, and I hate even thinking it. I want to be able to drop it, forget about what happened and try to patch things up. I just don't know how to respond to this, I don't know if she still has any love for me, or even truly cares. And I'm afraid to be honest with her about where my life is now, and why.
Could someone please try and point me in the right direction? Especially any females here?
<P ID="signature">
"Was that thunder?"</P>
