tears

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fairykiller

New member
I wonder what they're worth really. Nothing I guess.
I come off as very strong on this message board, partially because I'm very strong-minded and partially because I'm a writer, so I can write emphatically without much trouble. But I don't know. In real life, I stand up for myself and my friends when I have to (I should probably stand up for myself more), but mostly I let things slide, and I let things upset me. I'm always stressed out, I'm often unhappy. I'm in a college where I have to be better than everybody else, or else. If I don't get in the Creative Writing Program at the end of this year, I could lose the chance to write a creative thesis - something I have always wanted to do. 9 people are picked every year out of 150. It doesn't help that I'm a pessimist, and prone to depression. Or that I'm halfway across the world from my family and everything I grew up with. I miss my Indian accent. I miss home. This message board is a great stress reliever/ something-else-to-do - until people start making personal attacks. You know what? I'm just not as strong as I seem. I'm probably going to spend the rest of the day in tears. And guess who's going to be there for me? The boyfriend that people on the message board are convinced I don't care about. Without any clue about us/ how that would affect me. I'm not going to pull the female card and say that's why they were rude to me - I've seen the way bmecoli gets treated. Don't know how he handles it. Anyway, back to crying now.

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I don't think you should take lobster cowboys comment so seriously, I myself thought it was one of his jokes, sure it was crude but that's how some of his jokes come off to people at times. I don't think he was trying to be mean or anything and to tell the truth I actually laughed at it until I read Spacetigers reply, then I was confused since he doesn't go off like that till I read this post and now I understand his anger.
As for the creative writing program you shouldn't worry so much because you can only do your best and then it's up to whoever decides the 9 people and you have no control over that itself, and worrying about stuff you have no control of is in itself useless in itself. I've learned that lesson many times, so enjoy your life, do your best, and hope that the person making the class sees your talent but don't punish yourself emotionally for things that are beyond your control.
A friend of mine who drank a lot with me gave me some advice one night during a party when I was young like you and even though it's very simple and seemed stupid it was also very profound in its own way. I was like you worrying about some things to a point where it would make me depressed and stressed out a lot and he said
"Shawn you worry to much about shit that you can't do shit about, you should do what I do. When there's something that goes wrong or somethings going to happen soon and I've done what I can I don't worry, I think 2 words and then I live by them and let the chips fall where they may, those to words are FUCK IT. I've done my best FUCK IT. I got screwed over for that job FUCK IT. Then just move on to your next move, don't worry about the future you can't control fully and don't dwell on the past, FUCK IT, just enjoy your life and do what you think you should and say FUCK IT to the rest."
2 simple words and they confused me till I actually tried it on one particularly stressful day. I was all wound up and the day was getting to me and I remembered what he said and just thought FUCK IT, and I meant it, and you know what, I felt better.
You say you want to be in that class, does your dream include all this stress and dwelling on what could be. I don't think so. Next time the stress hits you look at what your stressing out over and now repeat after me
FUCK IT
but mean it, just don't say the words, and then watch the tears and stress go away replaced by maybe a smile and a giggle which happened to me realizing that I did do my best and I should be proud of that and not look at my faults but rather enjoy and be proud of what I've accomplished to this point in my life. You still got a lot of living to do young one, enjoy it, that's an order. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif>

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Like I said in the thread, I was just teasing but after seeing how you were getting ganged up on, I wish I hadn't. I'm sorry.


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I'm a little late on this one, but my advice is just to take some time to calm down. Trust me, I know very well how bad life can suck at times, but sometimes you just have to take a few to step back and look at what really matters. It seems that what really matters to you is your future, and the people you care about, so don't let anything that anybody on the internet (and especially here) says dissuade you from doing or thinking what you feel is right. And all you can do in regards to the creative writing is write the best damn stuff you can, and hope for the best. So do that, and no matter what the result you can at least know you did all you could.

So in short, in case for some strange reason you haven't already done so when reading this, get some rest, take some time to relax, and just do all you can to make things go your way. After all, as a (semi) wise man more or less said: Don't worry about the shit you have no direct control over.

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> Like I said in the thread, I was just teasing but after
> seeing how you were getting ganged up on, I wish I hadn't.
> I'm sorry.

John, you've given words of wisdom before that made me feel so much better, actually. You're a very smart guy, and this was something that Elazul had pulled out of your Xanga and posted, which made me think too.

"You get to the point where you are tired of listening to yourself complain. And then what the fuck are you supposed to do? The same shit is happening, but you just don't discuss it. And it doesn't go away, but it's so old."

That really made my night one night, and it's kinda changed my attitude around as well. Now, as goofy as this sounds, Fairy, maybe you should look for the advice hidden within that comment. <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>

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I'm going to tread thin ice here, then.

Everyone has a right to their opinion. I'm not sure where the ganging up that everyone talked about occured, because there was only one person involved, and everyone jumped on his shit afterwards. I'm not going to state where my own opinion lies, because that is irrelevant.

You're going to meet a lot of different people on message boards. Some of these people are going to have very strong opinions that come into conflict with yours. It's the nature of the beast. People get hot headed, and something innocent can erupt into a flame war. If you can't take the heat, I suggest that you stay away from the backroom.

Anyways. It sounds like you've got a culmination of stress built up. You ought to go out and relieve some instead of reeling over a flame on a message board. Try something new, go out to eat somewhere, or find some way to reward yourself for everything you're undertaking. It'll make you feel better. <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>

If I made things worse, then I'm sorry.

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I'm sorry to hear that you're sad. I think you're a great person, and I'm sure all your friends feel honored to know you. I know I would.

> If I don't get in the Creative Writing Program at the end
> of this year, I could lose the chance to write a creative
> thesis - something I have always wanted to do.

While it can be great to receive recognition for one's creativity, always remember that you don't need recognition to be creative. One of my best friends is a writer, and although he hasn't been accepted yet into either of the creative writing graduate programs of his choice, he keeps on writing, because he knows that whatever may happen, he has stories worth telling. If he got shipwrecked on a desert island, he'd most likely be scratching stories onto bark, before long.

> 9 people are picked every year out of 150.

Those may sound like formidable odds, but based on my impression of the depth of your intellect, gathered from your writing here, I wouldn't be surprised if you become one of those nine.

(Hmm, gathering an impression of depth. A bit of a mixed metaphor, but you get my point. ;) )

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Shit jobs. Ex-girlfriends. Gurus. Vampire-hunting loonies.</p>
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well, i don't know you at all, and i get the feeling that you're a really great person. you seem like you are extremely capable to handle anything thrown at you, but uncertanties weigh you down a little bit. although i seem to have just summarized what you said in the post, i think you just need to relax. kick back, go trick-or-treating, anything to help you get your mind off of crap. probably easier said than done you're saying. i don't know, i just think you have nothing to worry about and should just ignore what someone may say in a thread.

Chris

<P ID="signature">Trees sent communiques to bed.
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> i just
> think you have nothing to worry about and should just ignore
> what someone may say in a thread.

you're right. thanks to everyone who replied. wish i could just relax, but i have four papers due next week, c'est la vie.

i think (in retrospect), what hurt the most was the implication that i don't care about my family and i'm a bad girlfriend. maybe it's a cultural thing, but where i come from that's pretty much the worst insult you can give somebody. but you know what. i spoke to my mom today, and she said i'm a wonderful daughter. wish i could be closer to my family, but i guess you can't have everything. i miss her a lot sometimes, that probably had something to do with my getting upset. and nick says i'm a great girlfriend. i feel like a good girlfriend, i certainly act like one. so i think i should just concentrate on the opinions that matter.

thanks again to everyone. i kinda really needed the support. i'm sorry you can't understand my passion lobster cowboy. it's like having something inside your own self, something you know you can continue to love and something that will love you and calm you and help you even if your life falls apart and you have nobody to turn to anymore. but it's ok if you don't understand. wish you could've been less mean about it, but i'll get over it.

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Yeah, just be yourself. I don't know you a lot, but you seem to be a really great person. You know who you are. I hope you'll have a lot of fun in your life.

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curious... what are you using for your sig?

Chris

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> I've seen the way bmecoli gets
> treated. Don't know how he handles it. Anyway, back to
> crying now.

....
actually things have gotten to me real bad before, but now I'm so used to it I'm just like "meh"
it would still be nice if they (swamp, UMM, kuiko-whatever etcetc) would just fucking stop already, but who's going to stop them?

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>. This
> message board is a great stress reliever/
> something-else-to-do - until people start making personal
> attacks.

welcome to the scene.

> I've seen the way bmecoli gets
> treated. Don't know how he handles it.

listen to my life story sometime regarding my involvement with this site and emulation. if you think bmecoli has it bad....shit....<img src=smilies/headshake.gif>

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> it would still be nice if they (swamp, UMM, kuiko-whatever
> etcetc) would just fucking stop already, but who's going to
> stop them?

It would be nice if you realized that people generally don't give a goddamn about whether or not you were drunk, or how drunk you were. Furthermore, it would be nice if you realized that being drunk is not something to be proud of. We don't always get what we want, do we? After reading your post about how drunk you were and about how you acted around your girlfriend, you'd best get on your knees and thank whatever God you believe in that she still decided to have you around. Respect has to be earned, Brad, and to several people on this board you are dangerously in the red. It would do you well to reflect on why. I may not be the most well-liked person around here, but at leaset I have no illusions about it and I don't go whining about it, because I know that I'm a complete jackass.

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Whoa. It's almost like you follow him around for the sake of flaming him at every turn.

Don't you have a life?


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> I use this : http://www.projectjen.net/winamp/index.php
>
> Work with Winamp 2 & 3.
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Funny side effect...if someone else uses my computer, and plays MP3s through Winamp while under their user account, they're shown in my sig. Damn. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. <img src=smilies/erm.gif>

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>what hurt the most was the implication that i don't care about my family and i'm a bad girlfriend. maybe it's a cultural thing, but where i come from that's pretty much the worst insult you can give somebody.

yeh i know exactly what you mean- here it is so important to do your duty towards the family and everything else is so secondary- i mean try suggesting something to the contrary and people look at you like you were a ruthless ungrateful being..<img src=smilies/2gunsfiring_v1.gif>
yeh i know this so damn well

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> Don't you have a life?

Nope, my life consists primarily of going to college, and when I'm not in class I'm on here making people miserable. <img src=smilies/upeyes.gif>

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Look, Fairykiller, I know SpaceTiger cares about you.
A bunch of us not so close do too.
Hang in there.

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