I miss the Diaries board...

Lillymon

New member
Well, following the unspoken rules of ZMD, anything that doesn't go anywhere else goes in Talk of the Town.

So, a Diaries post. You may be thinking if past form is of any indication, this will feature my alcoholic father, and you'd be 100% correct in thinking that.

He went out drinking on Thursday and got pretty drunk, which is not unusual, but said he'd not go drinking on Friday. Then we won £10 on the lottery, which he seemingly saw as a sign from God that he must do more drinking, and so got equally drunk on Friday. This was less acceptable, as he'd now got properly drunk two days in a row. It seems he sensed this, as he made a promise not to go down to the local pubs again.

I didn't believe him at all on this. He only stops drinking for any periods if he does something really bad, and his double drinking binge was mild by comparison to his past actions. I expected him to be back out sometime in the weekend. Saturday wasn't it, so we come to today, Sunday.

Things didn't start well, it seems he woke up decided his promise needed to be broken, and that he was going down the pub today. This means he needed money, since he's unemployed and utterly reliant on my mum and myself for financial support. My mum wasn't having it though, she doesn't get paid until next week, and money happens to be really tight right now, so we really can't afford any unnecessary expenses. So she sent him out to do some errands, and gave him no booze money.

He came back in a bad mood, stomping and shouting. This got him nowhere, so he switched tactics from 'angry boozer' to 'persistent negotiator' (he switches between these two until he gets his money), and mum gave him some money just to get him out of her hair. He was gone for a few hours.

The early evening is when the story really picks up. I'm reading a review of Nausicaä of the Valley of Wind (manga version, I really should take a closer look at it) when my mum calls me, saying dad wants to talk to me. I'm somewhat confused by this, as this typically means he's become all apologetic, but her exasperated tone made me think he was still being belligerent. I got dressed quickly anyway, and headed downstairs.

What greeted me was a rather drunk looking dad, wobbling even he just stood there. I stood at the open door to the living room, he said to me "Forget it", followed by growing "Get in!", after which he stumbled up to bed. Confused, I asked mum what the hell just happened. It seems she'd told him we'd been discussing the situation with regards to him (i.e. his rampant alcoholism, which increasingly seems to run our lives), which turned him paranoid, thinking we're talking shit about him behind his back. Or something, I really don't know.

I thought he'd gone to bed for good after this, but he stumbled back down after a while, went to the toilet, and said he was going out again, despite his already being a pretty inebriated state. This caused me to instinctively utter to remark "Y'What?" (perfectly natural, in the local dialect), which caused him to growl something to the extent of not having to take such talk from him child (I'm actually 24, though it seems he thought I was 23 earlier, a sign of how drunk he actually was).

He then comes downstairs, fully dressed, and announced that he was "Going for a walk".

Now, some explanations here. When I say I'm going for a walk, I'm going for a walk. I'm probably going to take my camera with me, I might pop in on my grandma, and I'll probably pick up some shopping on my way back.

When my dad says he's going for a walk, alarm bells are sounding in my head. This means he's effectively having a psychotic episode. He's probably going to get into a fight, the police may be involved, and he may even attempt suicide (all three have happened before).

So this is bad.

He walks into the kitchen to get his coat on, when I hear signs of a struggle and mum saying "Give it to me!" with various rambling profanities from dad. As it turns out, he's taken one of the small sharp knifes from the kitchen (pointed end, maybe three or four inches long, you could easily kill a man with it), and intends to take it out with him. Mum has clearly had enough of this shit, and won't let him leave the house with it. They struggle for a bit with dad complaining about mum taking 'his knife' off him (not your knife, not your house, not your nothing you pathetic drunk), he holds the knife in a position where he could have really easily stabbed himself, mum hits him below the belt a few times, he finally throws the knife away, mum grabs it, and he starts storming out of the kitchen.

Over? Hardly. He then grabs the largest butcher knife in the kitchen (similar in function to the last knife, but more like eight inches long), and now seems intent on leaving with that instead. I don't recall exactly what I said, but mum clearly got the message. She tried to grab his collar, but he wriggled free. So she actually jumped on the guy and properly tackled him in the middle of the living room. Dad eventually drops the knife, mum throws it into the kitchen, where I place it on the counter, slam the door shut, and brace it with my weight until things seemed to have quietened down.

Eventually I leave, to see dad in the hallway, throwing his keys on to the floor, leaving the house, and slamming the door behind him. As I write this, he's not returned.

Frankly, I'm still rather shaken from this. The above reads like a scene from Eastenders, except it just happened right in front of my fucking eyes! I have no idea what will happen next, but it seems my dad has once again found a way of going even lower. It seems he finally sees me as his enemy along with mum, which has provoke my protective mother into some sort of action (taking her on is one thing, bringing me into the fray is quite another).

I do hope something happens now.
 

VT-Vincent

New member
Wow... I'm really sorry to hear your stuck dealing with this kind of situation. If he's grabbing knifes and getting physical, the situation has obviously slid well beyond the danger point. One way or another, you obviously need to remove this person from your life. If your mother isn't willing to kick him out, you may have no choice but to leave on your own. You have to think about your own personal safety in a situation like this above all else.
 

Reaper man

Member
May I be the first to say, Jesus Fucking Christ.

Hopefully things won't get too bad, for you and your mum's sake. Why hasn't she dumped the bastard yet?

Also, I may consider bringing back the diaries board if there is enough demand. We'll see... (I never understood why Edman merged it into TotT in the first place.)
 

The 9th Sage

New member
(I never understood why Edman merged it into TotT in the first place.)

Me neither, honestly. Maybe we should institute a vote in another thread. I wonder how many would use it?

Anyway, Jesus Christ in a birchbark canoe Lilly! I sincerely hope everything turns out ok. I wish there's some way to get him the help he obviously needs...someone who's acting that way definitely needs some kind of psychological help. (probably not of the degree someone such as you or I could provide o_O) Vincent is right too in that you have to think of the safety of your mother and yourself as well. If he does that again, I'd call the Police...I know you probably don't want to do that, but this definitely seems really dangerous.

Unfortunately, after a point you can't really help someone if they don't want to help themselves. Aaah, bad situation, anyway. I guess all I can say in the end is that I hope things really improve for you, certainly you don't deserve this kind of madness (and neither does your mom).
 

Maximum Potion

Staff (news - ROM hacking/translations)
Vincent is right too in that you have to think of the safety of your mother and yourself as well. If he does that again, I'd call the Police...I know you probably don't want to do that, but this definitely seems really dangerous.

Life is too fragile to mess around with things like this. It's obviously not something that anyone would want to do, but if this happens again, you totally have to call the cops.

I swear, even if he doesn't mean to hurt you or your mom, knives are not something to fuck around with.
 

shawn

Active member
Alcoholics have a skewed perspective when drunk so they don't know what you know. They also have a tendency to mostly remember the good and not the bad part of the night for some reason.

Just video tape him sometime with his friends and show him that they don't look like celebrities and are the most witty people around and let him see how drunks look to sober people. Just pop in the tape and let it run when he gets home. For some this is an amazing wake up call since they don't have a clue of how they appear to others or how loud and foolish what they say actually is.
 

Fla Flash

Staff (News -- Rom Hacking)
I'm sorry to hear this...having been raised by an alcoholic father and later slipping into the disease myself, I really feel for you.
I'm hoping you're not going through everything I did....

ps. My own personal bout with alcoholism came after my ex split with my son..it was quite a few years ago. He can come back from it....but he has to really want to.

Note to Reaper man: I'm all for the diaries board coming back.
 

pipes

New member
Blah... Why do people drink? It gives you a headache. Everyone should just smoke weed. I wouldn't care about him anymore. You should tell him to fuck off or stop being a fucktard. If he tries some shit with a fucking knife again, carefully get the knife away from him and you, take him to the ground, fuck him up, then call the police, and get some kind of UK restraining order. Don't worry that he is your dad. Some people are trash, and these same people can be parents.
 

puduhead

New member
Blah... Why do people drink? It gives you a headache. Everyone should just smoke weed. I wouldn't care about him anymore. You should tell him to fuck off or stop being a fucktard. If he tries some shit with a fucking knife again, carefully get the knife away from him and you, take him to the ground, fuck him up, then call the police, and get some kind of UK restraining order. Don't worry that he is your dad. Some people are trash, and these same people can be parents.

Even if your dad is a piece of shit, grown kids (20's) shouldn't do that. They should move out and live their life. I think his mom has the largest burden to bear because she either needs to divorce him and let him screw himself or try to rehabilitate him. But this should ABSOLUTELY NOT be the child's problem. Their mission is to move the fuck on. A lot of people have shitty family situations. And that's what we do as young adults - leave and try to do better for ourselves.

Any parent that does not wish their child out of an abusive environment (even if that environment is their own home) is being selfish.
 

Maximum Potion

Staff (news - ROM hacking/translations)
Yeah, but on the other hand, ditching your mom and leaving her with such a potentially dangerous man is also a bad idea. Though Pudu is right that you have to get away from this guy (or get him to rehab), I think that it's important for you two (you and your mom) to stick together because you don't want to remove your mother from your life either (which it would be hard not to if you were to remove your father).
 

puduhead

New member
Yeah, but on the other hand, ditching your mom and leaving her with such a potentially dangerous man is also a bad idea. Though Pudu is right that you have to get away from this guy (or get him to rehab), I think that it's important for you two (you and your mom) to stick together because you don't want to remove your mother from your life either (which it would be hard not to if you were to remove your father).

Its a hard line because its her responsibility, ultimately. She married him. Youth should not have their life burdened by their parents. It is difficult to let go. but often times when we don't, we become enablers.

Anyhow, my original point was to contrast what pipes said: Rather than fight dad, I think Lillymon should move out. And maybe give mom a straight talk about how a different approach needs to happen for her safety and dad's opportunity to recover or be without an enabler.

Typically, people in dad's state can't be without a human crutch. Someone that makes it all right in their mess of a head. And it all goes around. If mom enables dad. Someone enables mom. And so on..
 

shawn

Active member
Its a hard line because its her responsibility, ultimately. She married him. Youth should not have their life burdened by their parents. It is difficult to let go. but often times when we don't, we become enablers.

Anyhow, my original point was to contrast what pipes said: Rather than fight dad, I think Lillymon should move out. And maybe give mom a straight talk about how a different approach needs to happen for her safety and dad's opportunity to recover or be without an enabler.

Typically, people in dad's state can't be without a human crutch. Someone that makes it all right in their mess of a head. And it all goes around. If mom enables dad. Someone enables mom. And so on..


Agreed. Sometimes the best thing to do hurts the worst but must be done. As for mom she is an adult and knows what she is doing I assume. Sure she may feel some responsibility to stay with him even though she shouldn't. Alcoholics do NOT have a disease since a disease is not self administered. Tell her straight out if he chooses to be a drunk he doesn't deserve to have a wife or family and needs to just stop drinking for good since he apparently has NO self control of himself when it comes to alcohol.

I myself think alcoholics get to a point where the courts should be able to either put a small tattoo on thier body like hand or even face or an implanted chip that lets everyone know not to sell or give alcohol to this person EVER. They are basically prohibited from drinking at all for the rest of their life and for like 10 years should be required to take piss/blood tests frequently and at random times to FORCE them to quit. I basically hate being around anyone that is really really drunk since they do not respond to logic or reason and are just reflexive and over emotional in all their actions.
 

Maximum Potion

Staff (news - ROM hacking/translations)
I myself think alcoholics get to a point where the courts should be able to either put a small tattoo on thier body like hand or even face or an implanted chip that lets everyone know not to sell or give alcohol to this person EVER.

That is definately a good idea. No one seems to take it as a serious enough problem. Alcoholics aren't only throwig their lives away, but seriously damaging the lives of the people around them, especially those who are stuck with them (to a certain extent).
 

VT-Vincent

New member
I myself think alcoholics get to a point where the courts should be able to either put a small tattoo on thier body like hand or even face or an implanted chip that lets everyone know not to sell or give alcohol to this person EVER. They are basically prohibited from drinking at all for the rest of their life and for like 10 years should be required to take piss/blood tests frequently and at random times to FORCE them to quit. I basically hate being around anyone that is really really drunk since they do not respond to logic or reason and are just reflexive and over emotional in all their actions.

Far too complicated and expensive... just cut public assistance for any chronic alcoholics and other substance abusers. Within the confines of the law, people are free to ruin their lives if they so choose. I have no problem with them doing so as long as they are locked up when they present a danger to others and don't get any of my tax money.
 

Burzy

Awesome Member
My deepest hopes are with you on this Lilly. There is very little in life more heartbreaking than alcoholism in the family. My grandmother was in a similar situation as your mother. She loved him so much, that doing the right thing (leaving) would have killed her, and so would staying.

Your family will be in my thoughts, and I sincerely hope things improve at home.
 

sephiroth111

New member
there in lies the problem. they would have to pay for it out of pocket. for example, like the breathalyzer car plugin (interlock system?) they have to pay for it to get that car on the road. Alcohol in itself isn't bad, and occasionally getting drunk with your buddies is kinda fun (not once a week or anything, but you know).

I just see chronic alcoholics as a threat to my family and friends, and I'd rather see more strict treatment of alcoholics. Alcohol is a drug just like the rest of them. I'm not saying ban alcohol or anything, nothing that intense, but we have the technology now that is sophisticated enough to help prevent more people.

blacklight tattoos for example would work, an invisible (to the naked eye) permanent display that you fucked up more times than you should have. The ink isn't that expensive, just tattoo a specific symbol on a persons hand, and then do a black light scan when they buy alcohol. not too hard, not too expensive.
 

Reaper man

Member
blacklight tattoos for example would work, an invisible (to the naked eye) permanent display that you fucked up more times than you should have. The ink isn't that expensive, just tattoo a specific symbol on a persons hand, and then do a black light scan when they buy alcohol. not too hard, not too expensive.

Right, having a permanent tattoo is a great idea, because we all know that people never change... :rolleyes:
 

shawn

Active member
Right, having a permanent tattoo is a great idea, because we all know that people never change... :rolleyes:

But if they change then the tattoo worked and they won't try to buy anymore. I think this is more for people that should have changed already and in most likelihood have lived many years drinking daily. It's amazing how many people that actually drink like this that are well over 30 that believe it's fine and there are no consequences and never will be.
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