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Old 03-01-2007, 09:50 PM   #1
puduhead
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Default http://www.safenow.org/


<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. </FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no sink.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now. </FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If a door is closed, karate chop it open.
</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them. </FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>No pyromaniacs admitted.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>"Wash your hands" of traditional long distance telephone providers.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' rave in the shelter.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>There is a reason you failed chemistry</FONT>

<FONT face=Verdana size=2>.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
- individual dose
- family value size
- neighborhood spray pump size
- supersize!
</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas.</FONT>



<FONT face=Verdana size=2>When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.</FONT>

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I THINK POLITIS R CORUPT!!!11! WTF LOL MONEY CANOT BUY HAPIENS!!!!! OMG UR MOM CONTROLS U!1!1!! OMG WTF IM FRE AS A BIRD!1!!! OMG WTF</P>
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Old 03-01-2007, 10:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: http://www.safenow.org/

Nobody cares about shameless bandwidth theft anymore, do they?
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Old 03-01-2007, 10:44 PM   #3
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That was pretty much the funniest thing I've seen all week. Bless you.
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Old 03-02-2007, 01:06 AM   #4
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Old 03-02-2007, 04:14 AM   #5
The 9th Sage
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Default Re: http://www.safenow.org/

Ah, I needed that. I'm having a rough night.
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Old 03-02-2007, 05:58 AM   #6
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Default Re: http://www.safenow.org/

I loled.<img src=smilies/laff.gif>
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Old 03-03-2007, 06:39 PM   #7
Crazy_MYKL
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> Nobody cares about shameless bandwidth theft anymore, do
> they?
>

If they didn't want hotlinking, they'd disable it.
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Old 03-04-2007, 07:52 AM   #8
puduhead
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Default Re: http://www.safenow.org/

> Nobody cares about shameless bandwidth theft anymore, do
> they?

i'll steal it as much as they deliver it eh?
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Old 03-04-2007, 07:54 AM   #9
puduhead
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Default Re: http://www.safenow.org/

> That was pretty much the funniest thing I've seen all week.
> Bless you.

thank you sam! i'll take it seen as though i'm laid up with the mother-in-all an all.
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