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Old 10-18-2003, 06:59 AM   #1
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,100
Default The strangest outcome to a suicide attempt ever.

So this guy I know whom I don't particularly like, we'll call him "A shitbrained, pretentious, pseudo-goth, pagan-wannabe, affected, lying, mooching, sack of shit who never, ever learns and pretends to know how to play the violin", or ShadeS for short, as he prefers to be called. He drives a Mazda SLC. This car is damaged, because he let some drunk chick drive it and she crashed it into someone's garage, thus caving in a wall and fucking up a nice BMW which was parked inside. They took off. It looks pretty stupid from the outside, what with the muffler being held on by a coat-hanger, but the inside is the best part. He has a baby shoe glued to the dashboard. What does he use this for? "To hide weed from the cops." Yes. He thinks that's a good hiding place. I'm sure the Polizei wouldn't look in there after they saw the cigarette lighter and roach clip hanging from a black chain on the ceiling (I'm totally serious, I am not making any of this up). He's also a dipshit when you're in his car. He'll say something like "There's a piece of paper I need back there, could you look around for it?" This is very, very frustrating, because there is literally no leg room in the back seat, due to the rather large amounts of garbage, cd-cases, and empty bottles of vodka which get in your way.

He'll also do annoying things like ask for gas money when he's driving you maybe, two miles. Like, $5 in gas money. Some people don't say no to him, I guess. I sure as hell do. You think maybe he's shaping up and not being such a prick, and you want to go do something with him? "Sure, I'll go pick you up tomarrow, at 1PM, if you give me $5 for gas." Okay, nevermind, asshole.

His mother is insane. He lives with his mother, his father's in jail for armed robbery. All three of them are Polish immigrants. I haven't met his father, I guess he's just, in jail. His mother is a school teacher, but does not speak English very well. Once in a while, you'll hear something like "Mikolaj, are you on the dwrugs again?" or "Mikolaj, you break my Internet, I kill you." between shots of vodka. Anyway, I can see how this guy wasn't exactly raised very well, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a bonafide fucker, and a moron. He's one of those people who says "Dude, I am SO good at driving drunk. You have no idea, it's a lot of fun. You're just driving, and it's like, whoa." Anyways, recently he got kicked out of his mother's house, so he moves in with his friend. Except then his friend gets kicked out of HIS house. So, I'm over at my friend's house with another friend, and ShadeS proceeds to move in without permission. Just takes his stuff in. (It's weird, at my friend's house, people just walk in without asking. I do it all the time, everyone that ever comes over there never knocks. Just walk in and go to the basement. If no one's home, you can just stay a while if you want.) Anyways, I'm sitting there playing guitar with the amp on, and he walks in and says he needs help bringing stuff in. So I'm like "Whatever." he's like "I need help bringing stuff in. Let's go." I ignore him. Then he comes over and turns off my amp. That's when I get really pissed off.

"Hey! <BIG>Fuck</BIG> you asshole! You want help?! YOU FUCKING ASK FOR IT POLITELY. You do NOT fucking come over and turn my fucking amp off you little piece of shit!" then he pauses for about five seconds and mumbles "Boy, someone's in a bad mood..." He walks out of the room to get some stuff. Then about five seconds later he comes back in and says "You coming?" and I go "Fuck. No. Do it yourself, asshole." or something along those lines. Anyways, I end up hanging around with him for the rest of the night, he seemed more courteous from then on, except for him fighting me to change the radio station when I'M FUCKING DRIVING. But that's another story, I tolerate him for the rest of the night, with the idea of procuring a decent quantity of pot for a cheap price. Anyways, that falls through, which probably for the better since it gives me more job opportunities, and I drop him back at my friend's house and go home. The next day, my he's telling me that my friend's grandparents' aren't allowing him to stay in my friend's basement with him, so he has no place to go. That's all I hear of him until I talk to my friends today.

Apparently, he went and got a knife, walked several blocks away into the woods, and left a suicide note, which I didn't see, but basically said "give all my stuff to my friends and give me a pagan burial" or something. He apparently got into the woods, and SOMEHOW he encountered three thirty-something drunken men (this is rare, my friends and I go into the woods to get fucked up all the time, and never run into anyone), and the result was that they kicked his ass. Like, pretty badly. Broke his nose, bruises everywhere. Then they picked him up, and put him in a car, and dropped him off at my friend's house. My friend was outside having a smoke, and these three guys come up with a bloodied and battered ShadeS, and say "Is this YOUR friend?"

My friend replied that he was.

"Okay, here you go."

Then they left. He ended up going to the hospital for the beating he sustained.

What....the fuck? Are these like, evil angels that come up from hell and beat the holy fuck out of people until they get acquire some sense? Then again, he probably won't take anything from this experience at all. He never, ever learns.

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