Thread: New Hair
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Old 07-21-2008, 08:10 PM   #3
mushroom blue
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Join Date: Jul 2004
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the things people will do so that other people won't talk to them in supermarkets.

I occasionally miss my long hair. but taking care of it was a pain in the ass. if you don't spend a good 30 minutes on your hair every day, it looks like fucking garbage, and you end up tying it back, so you can fucking drive with the window down without being beaten in the face (which is an issue until your hair is long enough to be tied back). and if you leave it down while a window is open, have fun spending 10 minutes with a brush to pull out all those tangles. plus, if you ever have one of those "oh fuck, I don't have time to wash my hair if I don't want to be late for work" mornings, you can't just put on a fucking hat and go. no sir. dirty greasy stringy long hair looks like ass. if you try to wear a baseball cap (or any hat other than a fedora), you look like a douchebag at best, or a redneck at worst.

however, if you're in reasonable shape, and actually spend the time taking care of it, long hair gets you laid. women love the way it feels. plus, long hair == abrasive, which presents a challenge to many american women, increasing your likelihood of being able to bone one. long hair will also make it easier to score drugs, if that's your bag, or be invited to much more interesting parties (did wonders for me when I was in my early twenties). if you don't look like Sloth from The Goonies, long hair is one of the best things a man can grow.

but in the end, it's a liability, even if you go for the Penn Jillette Look, as I did, it'll cost you jobs. especially if you live anywhere in the American Bible Belt (which is just about everything that doesn't touch an ocean), you will not get hired for things you are qualified for. ever. and you become a police magnet, if you don't have the hair tightly pulled back. long haired man in a car nicer than a '91 Chevy Corsica? he either stole the car, or he's carrying drugs on him. make sure to pull him over and search the car.

this is why I used to drive a white '02 saturn wagon with slightly tinted windows; cops thought I was just an ugly fat chick.

if I had to live in the USA again, I'd grow my hair back out. it's a vital defense mechanism against most people one encounters in a day-to-day life. I'm just glad I no longer need it.
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