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Old 09-11-2017, 05:16 AM   #13
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cinvowell's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Michigan, United States
Posts: 27

Iíve been a shy person my whole life and my comments are based on my own experiences and what Iíve observed of other women I knew who were at least as shy as me if not more.

Us shy women think different then the outgoing ones. Remember most of us shy ones have spent our lives being teased and tormented for the simple fact that weíre shy and quiet - easy targets. Sometime that ďFriendĒ hasnít made a return move because she doesnít know how or she simply is afraid it will result in being ridiculed for the attempt and loosing what she has. It doesnít mean she doesnít want him. She might want him so bad it hurts but having him as a friend is better then loosing him all together.

About 11 years after high school graduation a school mate that I really liked ran into me and the way he acted, I thought I might have a chance. He owned his own auto business (I didnít and still donít care what kind of money or business a guy has - it was a way to see him again). I took my car for repairs just to have an excuse to see him. The first time he surprised me with a big bear hug, felt like heaven. Every time I dropped off the car or picked it up I got the same bear hug. The fact was, I wanted him, badly but I didnít know how to show it or say it. I wish I had the guts back then to act on my feelings and say to myself ďso what if Iím reading things wrong and I end up being ridiculed for itĒ. Fact is I would have done almost anything for him if he had asked me to. When I ran out of money for repairs, I thought stopping by on a regular basis just to say ďHIĒ would look pushy. End result, I lost and I felt like I was the one who blew it by not acting on MY feelings. I did work up a little courage to go back but by then his business had either moved or gone out of business. I thought about him often. I just figured he had to have found someone better anyway, unfortunately he probably thought I didnít want him. I learned to open up some since otherwise this posting would not have been possible. If it was possible to have another chance, Iíd show him how I feel. But someone new, just met, good chance all theyíd see is the mouse I once was (and still am sometimes).

Bottom line, just because your not seeing the signs your looking for doesnít necessarily mean itís not there, it might mean she doesnít know how to reveal them. Consider that before you write her off as not worth the effort.

2 more points and then Iíll shut up.

That ďfirst four minutesĒ thing, maybe the outgoing women are sizing you up for date material, but shy women are deciding if they can TRUST you before even daring to wonder if your attention is because youíre really interested in her or are you just fulfilling a bet with your friends.

About listening, if youíre going to listen then listen but if youíre just pretending to listen, say something because when you parrot back a point or 2 later without having your own view on the subject it gives you away and many times creates tension later. You actually can steer us away from nonsense very politely, just bring up another subject or ask a question unrelated to whatever weíre jabbering on about. If itís a shy woman youíll see relief in her face because you changing the subject breaks that nervous chatter. And by the way that nervous chatter from a shy woman can very well mean sheís into you. I know I tend to do the nervous talk and fidget much more when I like the person or Iím very quiet so I donít stutter my way through the conversation and embarrass myself because I only feel embarrassment when itís someone who I want to see again.
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