Thread: Mental health
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Old 04-02-2009, 08:08 PM   #24
JadussD
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Originally Posted by Iconoclast View Post
I've got an infliction enough to practically narrate to myself in thought when I'm not busy (rather thirsty many days), talking myself the entire 2.5 miles of walking home on those marvelous rainy days, and the only one I conflict with really is myself. I am always frightened at the outcome of missing a hole in any statement I make, which I know skeptically that fear is ignorance, but I take everything seriously mates. Even when I chose to ignore, I might just take it seriously enough to cackle to my self.
An uncontrolled thought is like a sword from the part of oneself that wants to destroy everything lashing out at the part that wants to deny this part of oneself. The world divides itself into two sides, sometimes more, and I alone want both and neither. Who am I? Anything that I recognize as self is simply the negation of an unwanted opposite. Who I really am has no opinion, does not care what happens to me, or others, just makes it happen. And who this is does not care if it produces the painful illusion of not wanting it this way within itself.

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But opposing ideas with another person? Like I have the balls to presume I'm right, unless there's some kind of business involved, and it freggin matters. And I'm not trying to get all moral on someone or think I'm God or whatever the hell. And being attacked for getting all philosophical instead of attacking them back with disagreements or flattering them without. I'm sick of white bigots. Ever wonder why I'm one of them?
Can one really help what one is? I'm the racist who likes other races, the faggot who thinks homosexuality is degenerate, the worshipper and despiser of every God and every devil. There are certain things this brain, with its survival instincts and desire not to feel pain, cannot accept, and that makes my personality nothing more than a line drawn in the sand.

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At the same time there's all this crap and prejudice, e.g. against arrogance. For one to think thy self is God...I don't see why that is so bad. If we were all one, that would be true? That's not a finished battle, don't get me wrong, but it could just mean a part simply. I don't really care though, sick of prejudice. And all sickness is prejudice.
If we were God, it would explain why the world is so messed up. Is it pessimistic to say that the world is a representation of one's own will, that we would all really want it this way? It would be dangerous to speak of such things, but such things can be found in Barnes and Noble at this point. It seems callous to an extreme, to say that one would want it this way. For the suffering, self-torture becomes the only logical explanation.

Last edited by JadussD; 04-02-2009 at 08:42 PM.
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