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-   -   Fat stalker calls Rock "immature"; gets heart broken. (http://www.zophar.net/forums/showthread.php?t=14438)

Rockydood 08-11-2010 02:36 PM

Fat stalker calls Rock "immature"; gets heart broken.
First off, let me say: this is 100% true. Nothing was fabricated or exaggerated. In fact, this is not my first story... I've got 3 so far [ and more that need to be written ].

If you want to check out my actual website --> [URL="http://www.rockydood2.110mb.com"]http://www.rockydood2.110mb.com[/URL] <-- then give it a look; it has all 3 stories (including this one).


About a week before I wrote this story, I was on Facebook looking around. A buddy of mine had a funny status so I replied to it. My reply to his status actually got a reply from a girl named Taylor Hunt. No clue who she is. I answered the question she left for me and went on with my normal routine (which, by the way, goes as follows: Facebook, masturbate, look up dumb shit). About 7 seconds after answering her question, I get a notification that someone has friend requested me. I’ll assume you people reading this can guess who it was. Normally, I wouldn’t have accepted some random plump chick’s friend request… but I was shitfaced. The very second that I accept this girl’s request, I get a chat popup from none other than Taylor Hunt. Awesome. We chat for a little bit, me obviously not giving a damn about anything she is saying. But I’m hammered and bored, so I fight through the familiar “not giving a damn” feeling and continue conversating. About 5 minutes after she starts talking to me, I finish the cup of liquor I had brought upstairs with me. Mother fucker.

* On a side note, I would just like to say that there are few things that I hate more than STAIRS when I am drunk. It’s not so much that I’m afraid I’m going to fall down them as much as it is they make my fat ass tired. And when I’m drunk, I don’t want to feel like working at something. Except sex… I’d take a lap around town when I was drunk if it meant a hot girl’s boobies bouncing in my face. *

I go downstairs to get more when I realize that there’s only about 2 or 3 shots left in the bottle. Here’s where I just about put a hole in the wall. I just waddled my drunk lazy ass down a flight of stairs only to find out that I’m out of liquor. Guess where the beer is? In the fridge in the mother fucking basement. This means more stairs. After getting to the basement and dropping anywhere from 45-65 cuss words at the stairs, I decide that I need to reward myself with a nice game of Halo and a beer before making the journey back to the computer 2 floors up. I eventually realize that I’m too drunk to play well, so I head back to the computer with a couple golden man beverages. When I get there, I see that I’ve missed 11 (yes, 11) little messages from Taylor. I forgot to tell her I would be right back. The last message she sent read, “well I don’t know why you stopped talking but I’m going to get off here I guess. Call me if you want to” and left her number. Normally, I would have laughed at the attempt of a fat chick getting in my pants, but the fact that I was hammered drunk & hadn’t had sex in 2 days got me all antsy in my pantsy, so I sent this cow a text.

First of all, I despise talking on the phone. If you want to call and talk about something important, that’s fine. If you want to call and tell me something real quick, that’s fine. If you want to call me and hold a non-important conversation that lasts more than 2 minutes, you can go play in traffic. What does this girl do? Calls me. I hit ignore. Right after hitting ignore, she sends me a text and asks why I did it. I told her I hated talking on the phone and that if she wanted to talk to me she was going to have to text me. She does. I won’t sit here and tell you what we talked about, because I honestly can’t remember. It was around this time of the night that I blacked the fuck out. I will tell you that I woke up the next day about 9:30 am on top of the covers, fully clothed, with my phone laying on my stomach still opened up, and a bowl of uneaten rice that I had apparently made. Funny note: there was a fork beside the bowl. What dumbass eats RICE with a FORK?

The last 5 texts she sent me where texts that said “hello?”, “why aren’t you replying?”, and “okay I guess you’re done talking to me,” or something along those lines. I told her that I had fallen asleep. She obviously forgives me and obviously starts up a damn conversation. Sometime around 2:00 or 3:00 pm, I stopped texting her. Not because I was just ignoring her… but because she FINALLY got to a text that didn’t deserve a reply. If you send me a text that I don’t need to reply to, like “haha” or “cool”, then I am not going to reply to you. Why the fuck do I need to reply to a text that says “haha”? Exactly. About 10 minutes after I didn’t reply, I get another text that reads “okay so why’d you stop texting me?”… wow. Keep in mind folks that I have never met this whale in my life. The first time we had even spoken was through Facebook chat 14 hours prior. The rest of the day was boring, so I’m not going to write about it. A couple of days later, after a day of drinking freaking liquor all day with Johnny, I go to a movie with a different buddy of mine (Sud). After the movie we decide to go watch the UFC fight at Hooters.

* Side note: I won’t go into the full story of it, but it ended up being the god damn Eclipse movie with a bunch of his family members (he got the tickets for free and didn’t want to go… especially by himself). Wonderful. I’m drunk as a skunk and immediately get glared at when I walked in to the Chik-Fil-A by every one of them. I was hammered & didn’t have my contacts in, so I ordered my food by pointing and saying “gimme that thing” to the ghost of a human taking my order. I basically ass-rape my meal, because I am finished with it before ANYONE else is even half way done with theirs. We ate, went to the movie (which I passed out in… Sud woke me up and told me I was snoring), and then went to Hooters to drink more. *

When we walk in Hooters the place is packed as hell. So while we’re standing around waiting for a table, I feel my phone vibrating. Taylor Hunt. She had obviously been texting me for most of the day, but I hadn’t heard from her in a couple hours. The text reads, “are you at Hooters?”. Shit. I told her that I had just walked in the door and she told me to turn around. When I did, she was behind me staring at me. She’s fatter than I thought. To make a long story short, she basically followed me around like a lost dog. Even sat at our table with us for a little while. She’s jawing my fucking ears off, I’m putting beer in my body as fast as it will let me, and Sud’s laughing his ass off. I kept glancing at the door, wanting a gunman to run in and shoot me. This doesn’t happen to my disappointment. In an attempt to get the fuck away from this linebacker, I told her I would be right back. She asked where I was going. I told her to smoke a cigarette. I don’t even smoke. She follows. I pray for that gunman to come.

When we got outside, I sat down against the building because I thought I was going to fall over if I stood for more than 45 seconds. She sits beside of me. I’m not sure, but I thought the building shook a bit when her ass hits the cement. She continues to talk my ears off, and I just stare at her. It’s at this point her voice LITERALLY fades out and I began to wonder if she gives a good blowjob. God knows she’s had enough practice stuffing shit down her throat from the looks of her plus-size outfit. I also feel like it’s a rule that fat girls have to give good blowjobs… I mean they don’t need to worry about being any good at sex, because they most likely aren’t going to be getting any. Sud calls me but I can’t hear him because my crappy phone has been dropped a couple thousand times. I tell her I will be right back and I’m going to see what he wants. I get to the table and he’s ordered some Kamikaze shooters. Those things get my dick hard. I sit down and forget all about the refrigerator I left sitting all alone outside. Eventually I get a text from her that says “guess you got caught up with your buddy but I was leaving anyways so I’ll just see you later”. Thank God.

The next day I wake up with a hangover from Satan himself, and a picture text from Taylor. I know immediately that with my hangover, I’m going to vomit everywhere if it’s a naked picture, but I open it anyway. It’s a stupid mirror picture of her, and a comment that says “Happy 4th of July!”. I delete the picture and don’t reply. At some point throughout that week, my buddy Johnny had texted her and told her she had no chance of getting with me. Yes people, this bitch is that stalker of me that OTHER PEOPLE are telling her to fuck off. I don’t hear from her after that. Johnny put something on my wall a day later that read “I guess I kind of introduced you to a stage 5 clinger”. I laugh when I read this and whole-heartedly agree. I thought that was the end of it to be honest, so I went on living my life and forgot all about her. Wrong.

Around 11:30 pm on July 11th (which was like a week later), I get a random ass text from none other than Taylor Hunt. The following conversation is the actual WORD-FOR-WORD conversation that took place through our texts:

Taylor: I love how you called me a stage 5 stalker. You and johnny both need to grow up. :)

Me: Do what? Johnny's the one that called you a stalker.

Taylor: Umhmm well he told me that you said it too.

Me: All I said was that you texted me all day & I ran into you at Hooters.

Taylor: Okay and me texting you makes me clingy?

Me: I mean... idk. I'm just not an all day texting type of guy. I mean I text a lot, but its normally important stuff or from a handful of different people. Not a conversation ALL DAY with the same person.

Taylor: Okay? So you don't care if I text you?

Me: Honestly, I'm trying to figure out why you would even want to.

Taylor: Okay. What does that mean?

Me: I don't really know how to say this without it sounding mean, so I'll just say it... we aren't going to hook up.

Taylor: I don't care if we hook up or not. I'm back with Landon. So I don't like you like that.

Me: Okay good. But that just brings me back to my main point... why would you want to text me then?

Taylor: Ummm I don't know. I only look at you as a friend?

Me: Again, I'm not sure how to say this without it sounding mean, but we'll probably never hang out. That sounds bad... but be for real lol.

Taylor: Okay. Well I'm just not going to talk to you anymore. You're really immature. But whatever. Bye :)

Me: How is that immature? I'm seriously not even trying to be mean here. I coulda just came out and said "you're not hot enough to hang out with me", but I was trying to be a little nice.

Taylor: Okay that was really immature. For real dude you need to grow up. And you're not even that cute. The only reason I talked to you was because I was upset about my boyfriend. And plus I was bored up at Hooters. But that's fine with me. BYE.

Me: Eh, I'm not THAT cute. But the fine ass chicks I bang and hang out with seem to think that I'm cute enough. Besides, do you think this is the first time a fat girl has told me I wasn't good looking after I hurt their feelings?

She didn’t reply to that one. I would assume because she was either too pissed off to even form a reply, too busy crying her eyes out, or looking for a nice good building to jump off of. Any of those 3 would make me happy though.

InVerse 08-11-2010 03:55 PM

The fact that you admit to using Facebook and then used the niggerspeak 'conversate' in your opening paragraph makes me wonder why you bothered writing the rest of the post.

Goku 08-16-2010 03:07 AM

Usually when someone emphasises at story is 100% true, than it is a fake.....

The 9th Sage 08-17-2010 01:17 AM

...yeah, especially since none of us have any idea who this guy is. At least I don't. If someone can enlighten me, go for it. :P

InVerse 08-17-2010 02:12 AM

My assumption was that he was just trying to drum up traffic for his website. Doesn't look like there's any advertising on it, though, so I suppose it's not much of an offense.

The 9th Sage 08-18-2010 09:38 PM


Originally Posted by The Drunken Hacker (Post 100836)
My assumption was that he was just trying to drum up traffic for his website. Doesn't look like there's any advertising on it, though, so I suppose it's not much of an offense.

Yeah, I remember checking his site back when he first posted the story, and just kind of shrugged since there's not really much there.

Burzy 08-19-2010 02:46 AM

cool story Bro

FleshCage 09-13-2010 11:54 PM

True or not, I'm just glad that I'm not an ugly fat desperate chick.

InVerse 09-14-2010 12:29 AM


Originally Posted by FleshCage (Post 101188)
True or not, I'm just glad that I'm not an ugly fat desperate chick.

Prove it.

The 9th Sage 09-14-2010 01:00 AM


Originally Posted by InVerse (Post 101189)
Prove it.

Alright, alright, we get it. Seriously. Go amuse yourself by IMing someone ASCII penises or something.

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