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-   -   The funny link/joke/image repository (http://www.zophar.net/forums/showthread.php?t=10526)

shawn 03-04-2009 12:12 AM

The funny link/joke/image repository
 
(Admin's Note: While we appreciate your humorous links, let's keep them to one thread. Hell I'll even be nice and sticky it, cause I like ya. ;p)


http://www.duckshit.com/funny-pictures/men/

shawn 03-04-2009 03:41 AM

Sexy webcam girl and daddy walks in, haha
 
This girl got so busted hahahahaha. http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=dc9_1195060895&p=1

This has no nudity but is somewhat erotic, and I'm so glad she isn't my kid.

The 9th Sage 03-04-2009 04:12 AM

Wow. That's just...wow. :P

On that note...

shawn 03-04-2009 05:41 PM

That is just so wrong to do to an animal.

shawn 03-04-2009 05:42 PM

Good idea with the one thread. :) thanks

shawn 03-04-2009 11:09 PM

Cute video
 
I know this isn't a joke but I was laughing at this video from the surprise ending.

http://www.wimp.com/wildkids/

shawn 03-05-2009 12:32 AM

Solo taser tag
 
http://humour.group.stumbleupon.com/forum/103436/

The 9th Sage 03-05-2009 03:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87103)
That is just so wrong to do to an animal.

I know, but it's just so strange that it's almost funny. I mean, what the hell? Freaking weird.

Btw, that story about the taser is pretty amusing. :P

snesmaster40 03-05-2009 12:06 PM

lol good stuff. Keep it up!

shawn 03-05-2009 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snesmaster40 (Post 87124)
lol good stuff. Keep it up!

I sure will. I got the Stumble addon for Firefox, and I like to share all of the really good stuff I find using it with everyone here. :D

Bodomi 03-05-2009 08:48 PM

May I contribute?

I found this pic from the darkest pit of the internet. Thought I'd share. :p
http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q165/bodomi/pred.jpg

shawn 03-05-2009 09:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bodomi (Post 87143)
May I contribute?

I found this pic from the darkest pit of the internet. Thought I'd share. :p

Hell yeah, the more the better. :lol:

shawn 03-05-2009 09:49 PM

chat abbreviations
 
http://www.satirewire.com/charts/chat.shtml

shawn 03-05-2009 09:52 PM

Screen cleaner
 
Sorry I've had a few beer and found this hilarious.

http://www.tom-phillips.info/flash/d...en.cleaner.swf

shawn 03-06-2009 05:40 AM

Icon Wars
 
Funny as hell. :lol:

http://www.xs4all.nl/~jvdkuyp/flash/see.htm

shawn 03-07-2009 02:34 PM

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/dog2.jpg

I'll just apologize to all the cat lovers now.

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/firesale.jpg

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/gif.jpeg

shawn 03-09-2009 09:38 PM

http://www.laughbreak.com/lists/101_..._annoying.html

shawn 03-09-2009 09:44 PM

Children's Books You'll Never See
 
  • You Are Different and That's Bad
  • Pop! Goes The Hamster... And Other Great Microwave Games
  • Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Household Pets
  • Babar Meets the Taxidermist
  • Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
  • The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
  • Start a Real-Estate Empire With the Change From Your Mom'sPurse
  • Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
  • The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead
  • How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
  • Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear
  • Strangers Have the Best Candy
  • The Little Sissy Who Snitched
  • Some Kittens Can Fly!
  • Getting More Chocolate on Your Face
  • Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
  • Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
  • The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!
  • The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
  • Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
  • Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Become Friends
  • That's it, I'm Putting You up for Adoption
  • The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
  • Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
  • You Were an Accident
  • Your Nightmares Are Real
  • Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
  • Eggs, Toilet Paper and Your School

shawn 03-09-2009 09:47 PM

Things To Do In An Elevator
 
  • When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
  • Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
  • Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
  • Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
  • Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
  • Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
  • Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
  • Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
  • Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
  • Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
  • Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
  • Ask, "Did you feel that?"
  • Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
  • When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
  • Swat at flies that don't exist.
  • Tell people that you can see their aura.
  • Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
  • Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
  • Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask,"Got enough air in there?"
  • Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
  • Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM," and back away slowly.
  • Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
  • Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
  • Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
  • Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."
  • Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."

shawn 03-10-2009 02:48 AM

Now for some Cyanide and Happiness
 
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/nifty2.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...icstapler2.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...4_abortion.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...sports-bra.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/easter2.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/goplanet.png

The 9th Sage 03-10-2009 04:14 AM

Haha, that comic IS pretty awesome.

shawn 03-10-2009 09:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The 9th Sage (Post 87236)
Haha, that comic IS pretty awesome.

Yeah totally twisted and funny at the same time. :D

shawn 03-12-2009 09:42 PM

http://www.bechamel.com/v3/strange2.swf

Short funny swf but might take a while to load with a slow connection.

shawn 03-12-2009 09:50 PM

http://www.funpic.hu/swf/numanuma.html

Another clip but smaller and it made me laugh. :D

shawn 03-12-2009 09:51 PM

http://www.superpoop.com/031209/like...phone-call.jpg

shawn 03-12-2009 10:18 PM

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_stuptech.shtml

Stories about stupid computer help techs. You won't believe how stupid some of these people can be.

shawn 03-12-2009 11:19 PM

The Queef kazoo
 
OMG, you won't believe this woman comedian. If you don't know what a queef is then you will after seeing this video. Probably not for a slow connection. Though no nudity you should probably be 18 to view this just because of the subject alone.

http://www.omgwebsitelol.com/?p=62&preview=true

The 9th Sage 03-12-2009 11:37 PM

I found that rinkworks page myself a while back. My god there is some great stuff on there. It's even better if you have dealt with the dumb things people do to their computers.

Lillymon 03-13-2009 12:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87305)
http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_stuptech.shtml

Stories about stupid computer help techs. You won't believe how stupid some of these people can be.

Yes I will.

shawn 03-13-2009 02:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillymon (Post 87311)


OMG, that is fucked up.

shawn 03-13-2009 09:00 PM

No Sex Tonight





I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

shawn 03-13-2009 09:20 PM

Cute Comic

http://www.youdamnkid.com/dnorman/20050102.html

shawn 03-13-2009 10:04 PM

http://www.funny.com/_fc/0/2/fn.1575.jpg

shawn 03-13-2009 10:07 PM

http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CKVKR.gif

shawn 03-13-2009 10:10 PM

http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CHT4P.gif

shawn 03-13-2009 10:22 PM

http://nsfw.coldpizzaandbeer.com/nsfw.htm

This comic is funny as hell and is named Not Safe For Work and that title is absolutely accurate.

shawn 03-14-2009 02:04 PM

The Genie


A Husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the Wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: Glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A large black man was sitting on the coach asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I will keep the last one for myself.

"Wow, that's great," the husband said. Then he pondered a moment before he blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life and now you young lady what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"

"Well since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"No kidding." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

shawn 03-14-2009 07:54 PM

http://www.imagepoop.com/images/1f_u_c4n_r34d_th1s.jpg

(admin's note: link won't work because of hotlinking rule)

shawn 03-14-2009 09:22 PM

http://bp1.blogger.com/_u3Fr9eBueMI/...00/nemesis.jpg

shawn 03-14-2009 10:08 PM

Chicken Wire


An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."

shawn 03-14-2009 10:31 PM

MMEOWW! - Plague of Kitten Game, use mouse to stop kittens from splatting on impact with the ground. If you play badly it can be really entertaining, lol. :D


http://www.digyourowngrave.com/mmeow...-kittens-game/

shawn 03-14-2009 10:45 PM

http://www.shof.msrcsites.co.uk/fridge.jpg

The 9th Sage 03-15-2009 03:13 AM

Wow, you're a posting machine with this stuff. lol

shawn 03-15-2009 07:23 AM

I like to share the best stuff I find. :D

shawn 03-15-2009 02:05 PM

http://www.betapwned.com/07-30-07.jpg

shawn 03-15-2009 03:41 PM

10 Ways To Creep Out Your Roommate





10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your roommate. Separate your roommate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it. Explain to your roommate, ''He just didn't belong.''

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, ''The hair, it's growing. Growing!''

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, ''Soon, soon....''

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, ''I've got an important message for you.'' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, ''Oh, yeah, I remember!'' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, ''Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?'' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, ''Hooray! You're back!'' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, ''Shouldn't you be going somewhere?''

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, ''No, I want to watch them suffer.'''

shawn 03-15-2009 04:20 PM

This is a game and you are supposed get the people off to the right side of the page to get to the next section. I'll let you figure it out how.


http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyp...estfortherest/

shawn 03-15-2009 11:26 PM

http://www.ifyouwereazombie.com/imag...rains-love.gif

The 9th Sage 03-15-2009 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87415)
chess

I feel like I should have thought of this one myself. :P

shawn 03-16-2009 12:10 AM

http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/COMIClivingtoys.png

shawn 03-16-2009 09:04 PM

http://myspaceantics.com/images/funny/Insanity.jpg

shawn 03-16-2009 09:10 PM

http://www.aeropause.com/wordpress/a...n3-580x435.jpg

shawn 03-16-2009 09:48 PM

This pagelink is to the 32 best office pranks. I thought every one was funny. Check it out.

http://www.eyje.com/pictures/funny/T...Jokes_32_PICS_

The 9th Sage 03-17-2009 04:22 PM

That Link image is amazing. I had chickens kill me like that once. :D

shawn 03-17-2009 09:52 PM

http://www.evilmilk.com/pictures/Sick_Puppy.jpg

shawn 03-17-2009 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The 9th Sage (Post 87475)
That Link image is amazing. I had chickens kill me like that once. :D

Gotta watch them cows too. :D

shawn 03-17-2009 10:14 PM

I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner...

Isildur 03-18-2009 08:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87403)
This is a game and you are supposed get the people off to the right side of the page to get to the next section. I'll let you figure it out how.


http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyp...estfortherest/



The levels were very pretty, but a lot of the difficulty was just from pixel hunting. =P


Some other stuff you might enjoy, if you aren't already aware of them:
-Portal, the Flash Version
-fl0w

There's another game I'm trying to remember the name of, of which I was particularly reminded by the game you posted. Argh... it'll come to me sooner or later.

Isildur 03-18-2009 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lillymon (Post 87311)

Wow. Either that's a bot with unusually varied (but consistently irrelevant) responses, or a human capable of typing in complete sentences somehow managed to fail the Turing test.

Cornellius 03-18-2009 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87483)
I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a damn motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?' He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I called him a horse shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn. My car was parked around the corner...


BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !

Thank you for that laugh in these hard days.

shawn 03-18-2009 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The 9th Sage (Post 87417)
I feel like I should have thought of this one myself. :P


Go for it. If you got something really funny then post it bud.. :D

shawn 03-18-2009 10:31 PM

Porn Sting Goes To The Dogs




MARCH 18--Meet Michelle Owen. Concerned that an ex-boyfriend had used her laptop to search for child pornography, the Indiana woman asked police to search the computer for illegal images, but had her plan backfire when cops discovered two videos of her engaged in illicit acts with a dog. Owen, 24, was charged last week with two felony bestiality counts in connection with the video files, which a detective found in the laptop's "recycle bin." At the time Owen asked cops to search the computer, she was locked up in the Johnson County Jail on a public intoxication charge (which violated the terms of her release in a prior drunk driving case). According to a police affidavit, a copy of which you'll find here, a cop told Owen that he had found videos of her on the laptop and asked if she "knew what those files might be." Owen, pictured in the below mug shot, replied, "The one with the dog." Cops believe that the dog in question, Toby, is a beagle. After asking if she was "going to be charged with this," Owen said that the videos "were just something she did when she was drunk and barely remembers it," adding that she tried to "delete them the next day when she was sober."

Isildur 03-18-2009 10:54 PM

Here's a wierd but amusing game I found where you're a psychologist for traumatized plush dolls. Some of the animations, especially the dream sequences and the hallucinations, are pretty funny. So far I've solved the sheep, the turtle, and the alligator.
http://www.parapluesch.de/whiskystore/test.htm

Tip: If you mess things up and the patient goes catatonic or something, click under the bed to bring out the electroshock machine to to, um, reset him. =P

---------------

While I'm at it, here's another game I found. This one's kind of odd too, but in a creepy way, not a funny way. I got to the level where "WE'RE TRYING TO HELP" is written on the wall before quitting (I'd gotten the 4 orbs in the receptacles, but I lost the hovering thingee that was supposed to raise the fifth orb.)

edit: Went back and finished it. Really clever and original game.

shawn 03-20-2009 05:59 PM

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...ovesawoman.png
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...kinghobby1.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...e/comicdia.png

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/goatee.png
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...hangmannew.png
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Rob/note.png

shawn 03-21-2009 02:41 PM

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20090317.gif

shawn 03-21-2009 08:48 PM

http://channelate.com/comics/2008-04...e-training.jpg

http://channelate.com/comics/2008-04-17-milk-carton.jpg

http://channelate.com/comics/2008-08...ith-a-cake.jpg

http://channelate.com/comics/2008-09-11-no-note-one.jpg

http://channelate.com/comics/2008-09...ng-in-line.jpg

shawn 03-22-2009 02:01 AM

The 20 Most Deranged & Offensive NES ROM Hacks


This is a list with screen shots of the top 20 most offensive NES rom hacks.


http://the-minusworld.com/2009/03/16...nes-rom-hacks/

The 9th Sage 03-22-2009 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87656)
The 20 Most Deranged & Offensive NES ROM Hacks


This is a list with screen shots of the top 20 most offensive NES rom hacks.


http://the-minusworld.com/2009/03/16...nes-rom-hacks/

I was just reading that...the scary part is that I'd heard of a bunch of them already.

shawn 03-22-2009 07:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The 9th Sage (Post 87675)
I was just reading that...the scary part is that I'd heard of a bunch of them already.

I imagine there are a few people that come here that have played a lot of them. :D

shawn 03-23-2009 07:30 AM

Fun with P2P


I think just about anyone who meets me and talks to me for long enough comes to terms with the fact that I am a very sick, twisted person. Also factor in a few mountain dews, a Peer-to-Peer connection, and boredom and you get what might be the funniest combination imaginable.
I had been downloading music yesterday evening. Led Zeppelin, REO Speedwagon, Flock of Seagulls, things like that. Then I realized that it'd be a funny joke to play on people if I were to change "Keep on Rolling" to "Hot Lesbian Sex". I watched as within minutes this file got 50 downloads. I was astounded.
Then the Tom got an idea.
An awful idea.
The Tom got a wonderful awful idea.
What if, perhaps, I was to change some of these names to sick pornography titles? I wonder if I'd get any bites?
And this is where the fun begins.
The first title I put up was "Naked boys dancing and eating cake." I sat in anticipation, waiting for my first download. Success, the first download came. Then the second. Then the third. This baby was steamrolling down the information super highway like a trucker with a hardon that has 2 miles left to the next truck stop. Before I knew it, I was getting twenty downloads. Then thirty. Then fifty. Can you imagine that in the end, rather than getting dancing boys naked and indulging themselves with sweets and frolicking in a dewy meadow, one-hundred thirty two people got a disappointing video of Led Zeppelin performing "Dazed and Confused" in front of a live audience? At this point, I had no choice but to continue.
The second title I put up was "My Ex-Girlfriend mowing the lawn naked." I thought that this was too far out to get any downloads. Alas, I was wrong. It got a download. Then two. Then thirty. In the end, seventy-eight sweaty, drooling fudges wanted to see my ex girlfriend mow the lawn stark naked. She's not even that hot. Rather then get their lawn-mowing beauty, they got the song "Ozone baby."
For the third title, I decided to transform "White Wedding" into the more intriguing "Elephant cock horse." I wish I could say I was kidding when this thing was downloaded one hundred eighty seven times. I guess there is something about horses and elephants showing their cocks that bring out the best in people. I nearly died of laughter at this point. "How can nearly two hundred people want to see naked animals? They're ALWAYS naked!" For sanctity's sake, we're going to leave this as a mystery. I hope I turned some people on to Billy Idol, hopefully distracting them long enough to forget that masturbating to horse and elephant genitalia are not really something their mothers would be proud of.
I couldn't stop myself from doing another. "Grandma Bingo Sex." Short and sweet. I couldn't stop myself from amusing.........myself..... "Grandma Bingo Sex." Surely not a common scenario, and surely not a scenario that would arouse many a twisted psyche. Apparently I know nothing about the human psyche. One hundred twenty two. ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO PEOPLE would like to see grandma getting bent over the bingo table, game card in hand, getting donkey punched by a 90 year old addle brained porn star. I rubbed my eyes just to double check. My eyes had to be lying to my brain. My penis had shriveled to the size of a 2 day old Wendys chicken nugget.
They asked for Grandma.
They got Joan Jett.
At this point I had to start taking puffs of my albuteral inhaler to keep from suffocating myself with laughter. "Girl on girl toe insertion (LEGAL)" was my next proud creation. Everyone likes 38 Special, so everyone won't feel like such dumb-asses after downloading this footy piece of crap. Never underestimate the inertia traveling behind a toe inserting itself into a rectum, friends. It's like a fudging semi hurling down Interstate 40 in the noonday sun. One hundred twelve people wanted to jerk to this. God have mercy on us.
At this point, for some odd reason, the user name "Enraged Baboon" popped into my head. "Enraged Baboon fudging a nipple factory." No way in hell would this get many downloads. Who could possibly type in any or all of those keywords? I guess people like seeing sweaty red-ass baboons, nostrils flaring, banging their chests like Marky Mark in the movie "Fear", having sex WITH each other in a factory that produces baby-bottle nipples. Imagine what those children would look like. One hundred seventy two people typed those magic words into Limewire, and got a hot steaming pile of monkey love. Well, it was Pink Floyd, but a man can dream, cant he?
This could all seem very disturbing. My final experiment, however, made me dizzy as my precious sack retreated into my pelvis. ...THREE PEOPLE...three disgusting, drooling, perverted, fudged up people, wielding a box of Puffs Plus and a tube of Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion, bright eyed and bushy tailed, wanted to see "An emu taking a vicious dump." How does one take a VICIOUS dump and how does an EMU take one, for that matter?
Ladies and gentlemen: this is why I have lost every last ounce of faith in humanity.
If I may quote Method:
"You're going to make a lot of sick people very unhappy."

shawn 03-23-2009 02:40 PM

Stress Relief

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological tests.

The funny thing is that it works.

1. Picture yourself near a stream in the mountains.

2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.

3. No one knows your secret place.

4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called the world.

5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.

6. The water is crystal clear.

7. You can easily make out the face of the person you are holding under the water.

See. You're smiling already.

shawn 03-23-2009 02:51 PM

http://img.moronail.net/img/4/7/147.jpg

shawn 03-23-2009 08:40 PM

http://img.visualizeus.com/thumbs/09...2b0292c2_h.jpg

shawn 03-23-2009 08:47 PM

http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/de...oo_400x400.jpg

shawn 03-24-2009 01:54 AM

http://www.rescuehumor.com/images/fu...heifexwife.jpg

shawn 03-24-2009 02:54 AM

http://www.smbc-comics.com/comics/20090224.gif

shawn 03-24-2009 03:40 AM

Flash Mario game called Super Obama World, check it out.

http://superobamaworld.com/

The 9th Sage 03-24-2009 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87759)
Flash Mario game called Super Obama World, check it out.

http://superobamaworld.com/

I saw that...it's ok, the controls aren't that great though.

shawn 03-24-2009 09:12 PM

http://www.du-artwork.de/sites/graph...ages/sushi.jpg

http://www.youdamnkid.com/ncomics/norman20001016.gif

http://www.idrewthis.org/comics/idt2...istinction.gif

http://iwcomics.com/comics/i-wish-37.jpg

http://iwcomics.com/comics/i-wish-34.jpg

shawn 03-24-2009 10:44 PM

A jewish search engine, no insult intended to anyone I just thought this was cute and very inventive.

http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle/s...xy&btnG=Search

Maximum Potion 03-24-2009 11:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87787)
A jewish search engine, no insult intended to anyone I just thought this was cute and very inventive.

http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle/s...xy&btnG=Search

Hahaha that reminds me of when you type ''find chuck norris'' on google and click ''i'm feeling lucky'', but taken to the next level.

Isildur 03-25-2009 12:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87787)
A jewish search engine, no insult intended to anyone I just thought this was cute and very inventive.

http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle/s...xy&btnG=Search

No insult taken, I found it funny =)

Iconoclast 03-25-2009 02:46 AM

Well I got confused what the trigger was, but I smiled.

Reaper man 03-25-2009 04:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shawn (Post 87787)
A jewish search engine, no insult intended to anyone I just thought this was cute and very inventive.

http://www.thefriedmans.net/jewgle/s...xy&btnG=Search

hehehehe...

The 9th Sage 03-25-2009 08:17 PM

What the heck was that comic with the girl and the octopus anyway? Boy, that was strange. :P

shawn 03-25-2009 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The 9th Sage (Post 87808)
What the heck was that comic with the girl and the octopus anyway? Boy, that was strange. :P

Just something I found during my online explorations. Just right click and click properties and you can find the site it came from and check it out yourself. :D

shawn 03-26-2009 12:22 AM

AND THATS WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED...




My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."And that's when the fight started....
------------------------------------------------------------
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation."Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started....
-----------------------------------------------------------
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'& And then the fight started...

------------------------------------------------------------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started....
------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started.....
------------------------------------------------------------
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?" "Nah, she can order for herself."And then the fight started...
------------------------------------------------------------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.''My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'And then the fight started...
------------------------------------------------------------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'And then the fight started...
-----------------------------------------------------------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started...
------------------------------------------------------------
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.'And then the fight started...

__________________

shawn 03-26-2009 12:24 AM

http://www.dccomics.com/mad/media/do...own_comics.jpg

This isn't funny so much as inventive and after seeing it I had to post it for all Photoshop users.



http://www.evasion.cc/images/blog/no...p-real-big.jpg

http://imgs.xkcd.com/comics/impostor.png

shawn 03-26-2009 12:50 AM

I linked this one since it's an animated gif.

It's a pogo sticking accident.

http://www.gifbin.com/bin/1236863671_pogo-stick.gif

Another ani gif link called Cool Suicide. :D

http://www.gifbin.com/982643

Coolest iPhone hate page ever. :cool:

http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=iphone

shawn 03-26-2009 02:42 AM

http://comicswithoutviolence.com/comics/20080524.gif

shawn 03-26-2009 02:50 AM

Video clip named Blowjob Olympics. No nudity just adult humor. I thought it was funny.

http://www.comedy.com/blog/2008/08/0...-job-olympics/

Evil endings to cartoons I used to watch as a kid.

http://www.sakopetra.com/forum/viewt...p?f=38&t=19143

Another google parody site.

http://www.alltooflat.com/geeky/elgoog/m/

shawn 03-26-2009 03:14 AM

http://www.mrtech.com/photos/albums/...anmjshouse.jpg

shawn 03-26-2009 03:18 AM

Female Porn

Yes guys it's safe for you to view also.

http://www.allowe.com/Humor/femalePorn.htm

shawn 03-26-2009 11:10 AM

Something fun to start your day with
 
http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/trick.png


http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...urple-exed.png


http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...prilfools4.png


http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/greek.png



http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Matt/FRESH.png


I've been here unfortunately

http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...vaginalol1.png


http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comi...every-time.png


http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/war.png





http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/inspace.png

shawn 03-26-2009 09:27 PM

http://channelate.com/comics/2009-03-21-stranded.jpg



http://channelate.com/comics/2009-03-17-pot-o-gold.jpg

shawn 03-26-2009 11:39 PM

http://www.funny.com/_fc/wm640/0/3/fn.CHZ1S.jpg

http://www.dilbert.com/img/v1/404.gif

shawn 03-28-2009 03:23 PM

Best beer video EVER :)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...65588439120405

shawn 03-28-2009 03:28 PM

Funny Video


Pedophile Beards

http://www.todaysbigthing.com/2008/03/31

shawn 03-28-2009 03:42 PM

http://content.screencast.com/users/...0/00000842.png


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