Heh, I've seen that cat carrier somewhere before.
This is not true. I haven't stood up to urinate in anything that wasn't a urinal for about five years now. I don't see the point. More distance = Greater chance of missing = Greater chance of me getting urine all over my shoes and/or clothes.1 - Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
OK, I agree with this. Short hair can be attractive, but the chances are better with long hair.1 - Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
I've actually always liked shopping, so I guess I'll never get this.1 - Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
But do bear in mind that if you get your request and still manage to forget, your wife/girlfriend has the God-given right to be as apocalyptically cross as she damn well wants.1 - We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
Indeed.1 - Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
I'm not really good at the sympathy thing either. I feel sorry for the person, but they want me to say something, and my mind is completely blank.1 - Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Isn't that what the oil warning light is for? So the car can tell me and I can find someone who knows anything about how cars work? I hate getting my hands dirty.1 - Check your oil! Please.
Much though I know you'd like this to be true, you don't get to decide this one.1 - Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
Smart decision.1 - If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
PVRs are going to kill off verbal communication between spouses entirely within 20 years if current trends continue.1 - Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
What the fuck? He went looking for India and ended up finding America. No one else in history was in greater need of directions.1 - Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
Wrong.1 - ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
This does seem unfair. I know the sort of looks you'd give a woman scratching in those areas.1 - If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
This is my motto when shopping. I'm very good at just going out, and getting exactly what is on the list. But if any item on that list is vague, then it is the fault of the person who made the list if I come home with the wrong item.1 - We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
I've nothing personally to say here, but this does remind me about when Cless of Phantasian Productions told the forum how much difficulty he was having editing Mint's lines because she was so vague, and undefined, and said stuff like "No, it's nothing" a lot.1 - If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
I could teach John McCain a lot about the Straight Talk Express. Damn flip-flopper doesn't know anything about it...1 - If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
I get the impression most of the time a woman asks this and the man says "You", both sides know it's the most obvious lie ever, but keep the illusion intact anyway.1 - Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the offside rule, investments or cars.
Don't blame women, blame the constantly changing world of fashion made primarily to convince women that clothes they bought not even a month ago are now the sort of thing only an idiot would be seen alive or dead in.1 - You have enough clothes.
I recently bought two pair of shoes that say "You can never have too many shoes" on them. Can you guess what the first thing that came to mind when I saw what was?1 - You have too many shoes.
My favourite film ever is City of God, which is a Brazilian film what I watched with English subtitles. It's hardly the only foreign film I've seen either (Oldboy, I'm a Cyborg, Y tu mamá también, Amelie, Run Lola Run). If you eschew them because of the fact that you need to read the subtitles, then you're missing out on a veritable goldmine of stunning film-making.1 - Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what the hell they’re saying anyway.)
Especially if it's about your attitudes towards foreign cinema.1 - It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
No.1 - BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
You may be thinking this, but I'm pretty sure what you'd actually say would be rather different.1 - I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Isn't that what the oil warning light is for? So the car can tell me and I can find someone who knows anything about how cars work? I hate getting my hands dirty.
I've actually always liked shopping, so I guess I'll never get this.
But do bear in mind that if you get your request and still manage to forget, your wife/girlfriend has the God-given right to be as apocalyptically cross as she damn well wants.
I mean, what is 'small potatoes'. New potatoes? They're small. But it probably refers to the overall volume. But what is 'small'? A bag a potatoes that I'd consider medium-sized may be what 'small' is to the writer of this. But if not, then I've just wasted money and energy buying too much...
Well... I've seen many films.. too many. True. There are really good films all over the world. But true is also that most films fail to impress. So if more than 90% of all films are crap - why should you even try to watch them with subtitles if you can just watch the films of your own country where you clearly know whats good and whats trash?My favourite film ever is City of God, which is a Brazilian film what I watched with English subtitles. It's hardly the only foreign film I've seen either (Oldboy, I'm a Cyborg, Y tu mamá también, Amelie, Run Lola Run). If you eschew them because of the fact that you need to read the subtitles, then you're missing out on a veritable goldmine of stunning film-making.
I'm not even counting the anime, because it really doesn't feel foreign any more.
Jesus Christ this is long.
Yes, and I honestly didn't not intend for it to be quite that long. I actually cut it down a bit. Evidently not enough. But I'd already written it by the time I realized that, and it seemed a pity to not post it after all that effort...Lillymon, you do realize I just copied and pasted this list from a humor site? This is also the ZD joke and funny image page.