I’ve been a shy person my whole life and my comments are based on my own experiences and what I’ve observed of other women I knew who were at least as shy as me if not more.
Us shy women think different then the outgoing ones. Remember most of us shy ones have spent our lives being teased and tormented for the simple fact that we’re shy and quiet - easy targets. Sometime that “Friend” hasn’t made a return move because she doesn’t know how or she simply is afraid it will result in being ridiculed for the attempt and loosing what she has. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t want him. She might want him so bad it hurts but having him as a friend is better then loosing him all together.
About 11 years after high school graduation a school mate that I really liked ran into me and the way he acted, I thought I might have a chance. He owned his own auto business (I didn’t and still don’t care what kind of money or business a guy has - it was a way to see him again). I took my car for repairs just to have an excuse to see him. The first time he surprised me with a big bear hug, felt like heaven. Every time I dropped off the car or picked it up I got the same bear hug. The fact was, I wanted him, badly but I didn’t know how to show it or say it. I wish I had the guts back then to act on my feelings and say to myself “so what if I’m reading things wrong and I end up being ridiculed for it”. Fact is I would have done almost anything for him if he had asked me to. When I ran out of money for repairs, I thought stopping by on a regular basis just to say “HI” would look pushy. End result, I lost and I felt like I was the one who blew it by not acting on MY feelings. I did work up a little courage to go back but by then his business had either moved or gone out of business. I thought about him often. I just figured he had to have found someone better anyway, unfortunately he probably thought I didn’t want him. I learned to open up some since otherwise this posting would not have been possible. If it was possible to have another chance, I’d show him how I feel. But someone new, just met, good chance all they’d see is the mouse I once was (and still am sometimes).
Bottom line, just because your not seeing the signs your looking for doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not there, it might mean she doesn’t know how to reveal them. Consider that before you write her off as not worth the effort.
2 more points and then I’ll shut up.
That “first four minutes” thing, maybe the outgoing women are sizing you up for date material, but shy women are deciding if they can TRUST you before even daring to wonder if your attention is because you’re really interested in her or are you just fulfilling a bet with your friends.
About listening, if you’re going to listen then listen but if you’re just pretending to listen, say something because when you parrot back a point or 2 later without having your own view on the subject it gives you away and many times creates tension later. You actually can steer us away from nonsense very politely, just bring up another subject or ask a question unrelated to whatever we’re jabbering on about. If it’s a shy woman you’ll see relief in her face because you changing the subject breaks that nervous chatter. And by the way that nervous chatter from a shy woman can very well mean she’s into you. I know I tend to do the nervous talk and fidget much more when I like the person or I’m very quiet so I don’t stutter my way through the conversation and embarrass myself because I only feel embarrassment when it’s someone who I want to see again.
