An open letter to all who drive

M

MooglyGuy

New member
this letter was inspired by me having to drive all the hell over this apartment complex to find a parking spot that wasn't taken up by the wheels of some jackass. I plan on printing it and beginning to leave it beneath the windshield wipers of drivers that I notice doing it:

Dear Immense Jackass -
What the fuck is wrong with you? I mean, honestly. Do you think that your riced-out shitbox of a car or your immense truck/van (depending on what you drive) is the only vehicle that ever has to park in this parking lot? Your being too god damned blind to see that you're well over the parking space line and into the neighboring one does not make the position of your vehicle any less factual. I would invite you to do the following steps, in the given order:
- Consume forthwith a large bag of cocks,
- Look out your mirrors to see how evenly parked you are, and if you are not evenly parked, back up and realign, it's not that hard, and
- Quaff deeply of a fountain of diarrhea percolated deep within the bowels of a leprous sow.
Thanks!
- Your Friendly Neighbor
 
If it's a van or something, I agree with you whole heartedly. A BMW or some other nice, dishy car, on the other hand...I make exceptions. Nobody really wants their nice car scratched.

My moms boyfriend takes up 2 spots sometimes to avoid damage...
 
<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

Thanks!
- Your Friendly Neighbor

<hr></blockquote>
And about 3 months overdue. <img src=smilies/eek13.gif> What took you so long to finally do this?
 
> If it's a van or something, I agree with you whole
> heartedly. A BMW or some other nice, dishy car, on the
> other hand...I make exceptions. Nobody really wants their
> nice car scratched.
>
> My moms boyfriend takes up 2 spots sometimes to avoid
> damage...
>

If a guy can afford a BMW, he can probably afford to pay for a lovely spot in a private parking lot. If a person is that worried about scratches, and the places to which he commonly needs to go in that car don't have any parking spaces nearby that suit him, he shouldn't have bought the overpriced thing in the first place. His decision, his problem--not other people's. They shouldn't be inconvenienced simply because he decided to get a showy car.

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<center><img src=http://pages.nyu.edu/~jc73/misc/FieryAshNazg.gif></center></p>
 
> If it's a van or something, I agree with you whole
> heartedly. A BMW or some other nice, dishy car, on the
> other hand...I make exceptions. Nobody really wants their
> nice car scratched.

That's retarded. You want a good looking car, you take the responsabilities that comes with it.
 
Fuck yeah.

To me, nothing says "key me!" louder than double-fucking parking in a busy lot.

"hauglulaugh look at me, because I spent money on my car, I am thus more important than you, and I will break the rules of parking lot etiquette and take up two spots."

In those cases, I am so tempted to nuzzle my little shitbeater of a car within a fucking centimeter of theirs just to prove that if I really want the next spot over, nothing's going to keep me from it.

I have yet to do that though; my side mirrors prevent it. :(

There's this asshole where I work (who I used to date... no idea where the hell that insanity came from; that's a story for another time) who thinks his cute little 5 year old "new" car must remain scratch-free, so he double-parks it in this spot that's next to a pole, inching over about a foot into the other spot. I guess a small car could fit in there.

If I ever buy a new car, I'm gonna steal that spot and use it properly, just to piss him off. It's my lifelong dream, or something.

...well, not really, but it's fun to think about. :)
 
I would also like to vent. I park normally in the very middle of the parking spots at all times. Having setup that, why does every vehicle I've ever owned automatically allows everyone to use my car as a "parking helper" by nudging themselves on my front fenders? EVERY car I've EVER owned some fucknut has hit my driver's front fender--IN THE SAME DAMNED SPOT TOO. AND NOW IN MY NEW NEW NEW 2005 CAR SOME FUCKING COCK HIT ME IN A PARKING LOT AND OF COURSE DID NOT LEAVE HIS OR HER INSURANCE INFORMATION. I HATE PEOPLE! I blame SUVs, pickups, Minivans, and companies where parking spots are too small to cram more people in to shop. The larger vehicles are so fucking massive that "normal" parking spots are way too small.
 
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