Embrace yourself for a long post, way longer than I originally thought. 8)
Been a good while since I last visited these boards, (I'm LeTuM), I've never really been good at staying in one place for long.
Could have something to do with my folks moving 10 times before I was 8 years old, then off to a school where you live on the premisis (I forgot what it's called), then off to foster home for 3 years, and then finaly coming back home.
Reason I was taken in the first place was because I was extremely wild, my parents had real trouble controlling me, plus my two siblings. However when my parents decided they wanted me back, the Children's Protective Services refused.
Needless to say I have no love for the so called Children's Protective Services in Norway, seeing as they have absolutely no clue what they are doing.
That aside, schoolwise I never had any trouble, except for showing up. There were 3 reasons for this:
1): I have a sleeping disorder.
They discovered it in 2002 if I remember correctly, (directly translated: Delayed Sleeping Phase Syndrom), which meant when I went to school it was dismissed as laziness and\or lack of caring when I didn't show up.
2): I hate tests, and more importantly I hated the way things were, and are done to this day.
There's so much unneccesary things you are forced to learn to become the various professions it's not even funny.
3): I can't stand being told what to do.
I would say this is the biggest reason, and I would guess a lot of kids who drop out of school do it because of this.
I'm a special case though, I'm probably the most stubborn, defiant and rebellious person on the planet, if someone had prohibited me from jumping off a bridge when I was younger...well, I'm glad they didn't.
After I dropped out of school I retreated back into my shell and from that day I stopped being active in sports and whatever social life I had (erm, practically none). I sat in front of the computer pretty much 24\7, breaks consisted of eating, toilet breaks and sleeping, nothing else.
I can remember one winter where I left the house for a grand total of 3 days, and do remember this is Norway, winter lasts 9 months (9 months winter and 3 months cold, is what my buddy always say).
I've always loved games, but I only truly embraced them then, since all my time was devoted to games my body detoriated and this in turn made it even less likely for me to start doing anything remotely physical again.
This is something that annoys me *A LOT* to this day, because I was nothing less than an athlete back then, while it sounds like I'm bragging my nuts off here's a fact:
I've gone to 4 different schools, first up to 2nd grade, then onwards to the school where I lived on the premisis, and then the school with my foster parents, then back to the up to 2nd grade school and lastly high school, and in all of these schools I've been the fastest runner in the class, and practically dominated all the physical aspects of the gym except for high jumping (my best friend while I lived with my foster parents crushed everyone else in that area).
Needless to say after years of doing nothing, I'm nowhere near in good physical shape, nor health.
Speaking of health, I've never touched alcohol, nor smoke, and I'm damn proud of that too. It doesn't really matter though since I've tortured my body drinking way too much coke and eating too much pizza over the years. I think I've been all the way up to 190lbs (converted from Kg's), at worst.
Job wise I haven't much to show for, I worked as janitor for a while, which killed me since I can't stand that type of work, I made a promise to myself not to work with anything I hate that much ever again. A job working with kids would be my best choice, since I've always had an innate ability to make them laugh and make them listen, though I have a problem setting boundaries since I can't stand them myself.
The main reason for this post is something that happened to me two weeks ago, I started feeling very ill and I had a terrible stomache ache and chest pain, I had no idea what it was and I was very reluctant to go to the doctor's since I was short on cash and I didn't want to waste money if it would go over by itself.
After about 4-5 days of pain the pain had done something very horrible to me, it had managed to change the way I was thinking. From not even considering death as a factor in life; to worrying so much I couldn't sleep, I realized slowly over the course of those days that I had been avoiding the issue entirely, I had thought about death, but I hadn't *really* thought about it.
Faced with the fear of my own death and the pain still withstanding I went to the doctor only to find out it was just an extreme case of gas, and since I had been so afraid I made the pain ten times worse, I couldn't relax for a second. It was the worst few days of my life, and it wasn't over yet.
I wasn't convinced it was just gas since I had never had that level of pain before from it, so I took a blood test and a urine test and wanted to grab an X-ray of my lungs and heart, I didn't get the X-ray since my doctor was convinced it was a waste of money.
The results from the tests were all fine, and the doctor said I'd live a 100 years.
Now...if everything were fine why did I bother to recite all this? Because it became the turning point of my life, I realized something: The fear of death had made me value life so much more and I started thinking, "What the hell am I doing...?".
I decided enough is enough and said to myself:
"Games aren't going to control my life any more".
I stopped drinking coke and started drinking water, I stopped eating pizza and started eating fish, bread, vegetables and fruit.
I exercise 1 1\2 hours daily with weights and the threadmill plus sit-ups and push-ups. I always go out once a day for at least half an hour for fresh air and daylight, and I've stopped staying up all nighters.
In ONE WEEK I lost 18lbs (8.5 kg) and I am not stopping till I can benchpress my own weight again like I could in 5th grade.
This coming Monday I'm going to try my best to get a job with kids and get my life back on track, I'm even considering going back to school to become a translator (always had a knack for languages).
And if that's not enough, this summer I'm going to start playing Soccer again and I'm going to start swimming to get my body shape back, and last but not least, I'm going to organize a long overdue fishing trip with my friends.
In short, I'm going to start living again.
<P ID="signature">When I die I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.
-Jack Handey</P>
Been a good while since I last visited these boards, (I'm LeTuM), I've never really been good at staying in one place for long.
Could have something to do with my folks moving 10 times before I was 8 years old, then off to a school where you live on the premisis (I forgot what it's called), then off to foster home for 3 years, and then finaly coming back home.
Reason I was taken in the first place was because I was extremely wild, my parents had real trouble controlling me, plus my two siblings. However when my parents decided they wanted me back, the Children's Protective Services refused.
Needless to say I have no love for the so called Children's Protective Services in Norway, seeing as they have absolutely no clue what they are doing.
That aside, schoolwise I never had any trouble, except for showing up. There were 3 reasons for this:
1): I have a sleeping disorder.
They discovered it in 2002 if I remember correctly, (directly translated: Delayed Sleeping Phase Syndrom), which meant when I went to school it was dismissed as laziness and\or lack of caring when I didn't show up.
2): I hate tests, and more importantly I hated the way things were, and are done to this day.
There's so much unneccesary things you are forced to learn to become the various professions it's not even funny.
3): I can't stand being told what to do.
I would say this is the biggest reason, and I would guess a lot of kids who drop out of school do it because of this.
I'm a special case though, I'm probably the most stubborn, defiant and rebellious person on the planet, if someone had prohibited me from jumping off a bridge when I was younger...well, I'm glad they didn't.
After I dropped out of school I retreated back into my shell and from that day I stopped being active in sports and whatever social life I had (erm, practically none). I sat in front of the computer pretty much 24\7, breaks consisted of eating, toilet breaks and sleeping, nothing else.
I can remember one winter where I left the house for a grand total of 3 days, and do remember this is Norway, winter lasts 9 months (9 months winter and 3 months cold, is what my buddy always say).
I've always loved games, but I only truly embraced them then, since all my time was devoted to games my body detoriated and this in turn made it even less likely for me to start doing anything remotely physical again.
This is something that annoys me *A LOT* to this day, because I was nothing less than an athlete back then, while it sounds like I'm bragging my nuts off here's a fact:
I've gone to 4 different schools, first up to 2nd grade, then onwards to the school where I lived on the premisis, and then the school with my foster parents, then back to the up to 2nd grade school and lastly high school, and in all of these schools I've been the fastest runner in the class, and practically dominated all the physical aspects of the gym except for high jumping (my best friend while I lived with my foster parents crushed everyone else in that area).
Needless to say after years of doing nothing, I'm nowhere near in good physical shape, nor health.
Speaking of health, I've never touched alcohol, nor smoke, and I'm damn proud of that too. It doesn't really matter though since I've tortured my body drinking way too much coke and eating too much pizza over the years. I think I've been all the way up to 190lbs (converted from Kg's), at worst.
Job wise I haven't much to show for, I worked as janitor for a while, which killed me since I can't stand that type of work, I made a promise to myself not to work with anything I hate that much ever again. A job working with kids would be my best choice, since I've always had an innate ability to make them laugh and make them listen, though I have a problem setting boundaries since I can't stand them myself.
The main reason for this post is something that happened to me two weeks ago, I started feeling very ill and I had a terrible stomache ache and chest pain, I had no idea what it was and I was very reluctant to go to the doctor's since I was short on cash and I didn't want to waste money if it would go over by itself.
After about 4-5 days of pain the pain had done something very horrible to me, it had managed to change the way I was thinking. From not even considering death as a factor in life; to worrying so much I couldn't sleep, I realized slowly over the course of those days that I had been avoiding the issue entirely, I had thought about death, but I hadn't *really* thought about it.
Faced with the fear of my own death and the pain still withstanding I went to the doctor only to find out it was just an extreme case of gas, and since I had been so afraid I made the pain ten times worse, I couldn't relax for a second. It was the worst few days of my life, and it wasn't over yet.
I wasn't convinced it was just gas since I had never had that level of pain before from it, so I took a blood test and a urine test and wanted to grab an X-ray of my lungs and heart, I didn't get the X-ray since my doctor was convinced it was a waste of money.
The results from the tests were all fine, and the doctor said I'd live a 100 years.
Now...if everything were fine why did I bother to recite all this? Because it became the turning point of my life, I realized something: The fear of death had made me value life so much more and I started thinking, "What the hell am I doing...?".
I decided enough is enough and said to myself:
"Games aren't going to control my life any more".
I stopped drinking coke and started drinking water, I stopped eating pizza and started eating fish, bread, vegetables and fruit.
I exercise 1 1\2 hours daily with weights and the threadmill plus sit-ups and push-ups. I always go out once a day for at least half an hour for fresh air and daylight, and I've stopped staying up all nighters.
In ONE WEEK I lost 18lbs (8.5 kg) and I am not stopping till I can benchpress my own weight again like I could in 5th grade.
This coming Monday I'm going to try my best to get a job with kids and get my life back on track, I'm even considering going back to school to become a translator (always had a knack for languages).
And if that's not enough, this summer I'm going to start playing Soccer again and I'm going to start swimming to get my body shape back, and last but not least, I'm going to organize a long overdue fishing trip with my friends.
In short, I'm going to start living again.
<P ID="signature">When I die I would like to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and yelling like the passenger in his car.
-Jack Handey</P>
