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Dark Macc
05-26-2003, 02:51 AM
One week before there's no more school for the rest of my life. One week before I'm out in the real world for the first time. One week before I get my diploma and get to be a real man.

I'm afraid that in one week I'll be single.

I've made a lot of major mistakes, and I know I have. When I first met Rachel I was very cold, turned off, I hated life and I hated people. She was the only one who managed to open up my eyes and my heart, and things changed after that. That was three years ago.

The last year has been terribly rough. Between what seems like endless fights, we've nearly broken up three times. Last time I was sure it was over, and I begged for one last chance. I really do love her, and I was sure I could fix everything. I was positive I could.

I've been so very edgy, the little things have been bothing me. She wouldn't come home right away, so I'd call her cell, to see what was up. Something would go wrong and I'd jump the gun to a conclusion and get on her case about it. I've had a really bad attitude as of late.

Today she told me she wasn't sure if we could even make it because of this. To quote her exactly, "I'm so tired of all the empty promises and all the meanless pointing of fingers and arguements." and I'm the only one to blame. I wish the arguing would stop, I wish that I could become the happy smiling person I always used to be. I've had problems finding that part of me.

I love her, but I'm afraid this is going to end. I know she loves me, but I've been an ass. I'm afraid in a week...I wont know what to really live for anymore. She's been the only stable thing I've had for three years, and I don't know how to live without her.

I just needed a place to get this out. <img src=smilies/crying.gif>

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Octocrook
05-26-2003, 03:02 AM
> I've been so very edgy, the little things have been bothing
> me. She wouldn't come home right away, so I'd call her cell,
> to see what was up. Something would go wrong and I'd jump
> the gun to a conclusion and get on her case about it. I've
> had a really bad attitude as of late.

Not that I'm any sort of love expert, but if you love her so much, why don't you trust her? You can't love someone without trusting them. That's not to say that you should be trusting her...it's to say either you love and trust her, or you don't. If you trust her, you shouldn't be making a huge deal out of minor things when you have nothing but uncertainty to go on. I'm sorry to make this short, but I gotta work. I'll say this...sometimes, we have to do what we don't want to do. I love playing games and hate working, but if I don't work, I can't pay the bills, and I'd crumble into a financial mess. If you choose to distrust the one you love because you don't want to have faith that she isn't going to be disloyal to you, guess what? 1 of 2 things will happen. Either she will get sick of your distrusting of her and she'll leave you, or she'll give you a reason to distrust her. Either way, you'll wind up an emotional mess.

<P ID="signature"><center><img SRC=http://images.auctionworks.com/hi/15/15157/oct.jpg>

Everything will be ok. If not today, tomorrow.

-Crooky's <a href=http://www.mp3.com/Crooky>Artist Page</a></center></P>
Dark Macc
05-26-2003, 03:10 AM
> If you trust her, you shouldn't be making a huge
> deal out of minor things when you have nothing but
> uncertainty to go on.

I've had problems getting that into my head...I know that and I admit that, and I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I've been used so many times...I have problems trusting people...and we've been together for three years and I don't know why I can't trust her..

I thank you for taking the time to try and help...I'm trying to figure out what to do now..

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lord_steak
05-26-2003, 03:10 AM
Damn...never sure what to say to this kind of anxiety.

Hang tough there. Life's got its assortments of bumps, rocks, dips, and bullshit. Don't forget that even if she doesn't want you anymore, we do, and we'll be here for ya'. It may feel like you need her, and I understand precisely how that feels. Tell her exactly how you feel about everything, and make sure she doesn't interrupt until you're done. Then ask her to do the same. Then from that, decide what's next.

Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

<P ID="signature">--
http://www.unf.edu/~pynm0001/music/1.mp3Brave Sir Robin</a>
<image src="http://www.geocities.com/lord_steak/Pix/sig.txt"></P>
SwampGas
05-26-2003, 03:15 AM
i'm gonna print this out and mail it to her.

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Dark Macc
05-26-2003, 03:18 AM
> Tell her exactly how you feel about
> everything, and make sure she doesn't interrupt until you're
> done. Then ask her to do the same.

We've done that. She doesn't know what to do next...and I have admitted I don't deserve forgiveness. I've caused her a lot of pain, though I've been put through a lot of pain and broken promises as well, some that were very important to me. I've bit my tongue and tried to make it work, but she doesn't say anything until it's built up like this...and then she lets it all out at once and this happens.

So at this point...neither of us know what to do.

> Good luck. I'll be praying for you.

Thank you. Luck is what I need.

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Dark Macc
05-26-2003, 03:19 AM
> i'm gonna print this out and mail it to her.

I don't think you know the Rachel I'm talking about, Swamp. <img src=smilies/freak3.gif> She doesn't frequent any boards.

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SwampGas
05-26-2003, 03:59 AM
> I don't think you know the Rachel I'm talking about, Swamp.
> She doesn't frequent any boards.

...i know that. i was being sarcastic. but you missed the point <img src=smilies/headshake.gif>

TELL HER WHAT YOU JUST TOLD US.

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Dark Macc
05-26-2003, 04:18 AM
> ...i know that. i was being sarcastic. but you missed the
> point
>
> TELL HER WHAT YOU JUST TOLD US.

Oh, yeah, I did. Ha. It's all good now, sorta.

I thought you were thinking that my Rachel was Ian's Rachel...and that...wow...I got really confused. <img src=smilies/freak3.gif>

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SwampGas
05-26-2003, 05:48 AM
> I thought you were thinking that my Rachel was Ian's
> Rachel...and that...wow...I got really confused.

unlike everyone else (and i do mean EVERYONE else), i understand there's life beyond zmd.

i especially love the morons who wonder why i don't answer their email within 12 hours...or why i don't answer their private message from the time they leave for school at 6a and when they get home at 3p...or why they ask for their "screen name on here" when i mention a friend.


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wingless
05-26-2003, 09:37 PM
> unlike everyone else (and i do mean EVERYONE else), i
> understand there's life beyond zmd.

everyone? <img src=smilies/eek13.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center>http://www.livejournal.com/users/drkstdays/http://midnight.gryphonsoft.com/upload/eyesof.jpg</center></a></P>
lord_steak
05-27-2003, 03:55 AM
> Ditto that comment... Everyone?
>

No kiddin'. One might see my username in here a fair amount during the work week, but that's 'cuz the computers I work with mutli-task. <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>

<P ID="signature">--
http://www.unf.edu/~pynm0001/music/1.mp3Brave Sir Robin</a>
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mrfreeze
05-27-2003, 04:03 AM
. She's been the
> only stable thing I've had for three years.

Excuse me? I think my blatant stupidity and wacky hijinks have been pretty stable for the past 3 years.

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Dark Macc
05-27-2003, 04:29 AM
> Excuse me? I think my blatant stupidity and wacky hijinks
> have been pretty stable for the past 3 years.

Ha ha, okay, okay, I forgot about you...loser
<img src=smilies/flipa.gif>

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StormsInHerEyes
05-28-2003, 04:13 PM
I think every relationship goes through that point.. the poiont where you break everything down and get completely honest with one another.. Good luck!

<P ID="signature">"Don't look away. I know you're not foolish enough to stay ignorant of the feelings of the people your life was built on." -Vash the Stampede</P>