puduhead
03-03-2003, 09:02 AM
I'd just like to point out that the Diary board has been, IMO, a success. I know what it's like to be on a message board with lots of dead boards due to over-specialization and/or lack of users. But ever since this board was formed, at least 2 positive things happened that I'm aware of:
1) People that complained about all the super-personal shit being on TOTT were satisfied.
2) Diaries, while not as high-volume as TOTT, consistantly proved to be an added value to a decent percentage of the active users, including some of our high-ranking staff. People use it.
/ZMD political propaganda <font size=1>(if that blurb gets me in trouble with any of the powers that be, I'll edit it out of this post, no problem)</font> <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>
<u>And now for my diary entry</u>:
I usually do this stuff on my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/johndietzel) but sometimes it's nice to blab about your personal shit to a different crowd, although some of you are on both.
Anyway, not unlike our resident Brad, but perhaps further along the evolution path, I sometimes struggle with being me. There's like at least 2 major parts to this:
1) Finding out for myself *who* I am. i.e. what I like/dislike/tolerate etc...
2) Being comfortable enough to naturally express the results of #1 to other people.
Being philisophical is hard work so I sometimes prefer a drunken stupor. Where would I be without my sense of obligation to other people? That feeling that I can't let them down in their estimations of me? I think I can answer this - I'd be pure evil, like something out of a horror movie... only, good looking. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif> So basically Johnny Depp starring as the antagonist in a horror movie. With who as my enemy? Answer: Who not?
I guess I'm either a pretty messed up person or just need to stop questioning things. I'm trying to do my part. I get laid, get drunk, engage in mindless fun such as LAN parties. But my analysis remains. And the end result always points to some major "defect" of my character... A defect because it has to be! Who wants evil to reign the earth or whatever? I don't even! except for myself... A major contradiction.
Before I confuse the point: I don't want people to get murdered, puppy dogs to get killed, stupid drama shit to occur. That's not the evil I refer to. It's more like I just don't want to "be good." With the forced nature of my religious upbringing, I abhor (ab·hor - To regard with horror or loathing) <img src=smilies/laff.gif> the implied morality of "being good." What is that anyway? I imagine I could get tons of generic bullshit replies to that question. Save it for someone who's new to the game. I guess I'm getting at that I prefer the goodness of an individual, including myself, to be somewhat of a mystery. Like I'm trying to hide the fact that I actually am more or less a good person. The appearance of evil is so much more comforting to me and I'm not talking about some bullshit image game like Goth or whatever. I think I'm tired of people posturing to prove to others that they are so great, wonderful, moral, etc... So it's like I want a reverse psychology - I AM EVIL! get it? I hope not.
<P ID="signature">http://i.xanga.com/JohnDietzel/puduhead.jpg</P>
1) People that complained about all the super-personal shit being on TOTT were satisfied.
2) Diaries, while not as high-volume as TOTT, consistantly proved to be an added value to a decent percentage of the active users, including some of our high-ranking staff. People use it.
/ZMD political propaganda <font size=1>(if that blurb gets me in trouble with any of the powers that be, I'll edit it out of this post, no problem)</font> <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>
<u>And now for my diary entry</u>:
I usually do this stuff on my xanga (http://www.xanga.com/johndietzel) but sometimes it's nice to blab about your personal shit to a different crowd, although some of you are on both.
Anyway, not unlike our resident Brad, but perhaps further along the evolution path, I sometimes struggle with being me. There's like at least 2 major parts to this:
1) Finding out for myself *who* I am. i.e. what I like/dislike/tolerate etc...
2) Being comfortable enough to naturally express the results of #1 to other people.
Being philisophical is hard work so I sometimes prefer a drunken stupor. Where would I be without my sense of obligation to other people? That feeling that I can't let them down in their estimations of me? I think I can answer this - I'd be pure evil, like something out of a horror movie... only, good looking. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif> So basically Johnny Depp starring as the antagonist in a horror movie. With who as my enemy? Answer: Who not?
I guess I'm either a pretty messed up person or just need to stop questioning things. I'm trying to do my part. I get laid, get drunk, engage in mindless fun such as LAN parties. But my analysis remains. And the end result always points to some major "defect" of my character... A defect because it has to be! Who wants evil to reign the earth or whatever? I don't even! except for myself... A major contradiction.
Before I confuse the point: I don't want people to get murdered, puppy dogs to get killed, stupid drama shit to occur. That's not the evil I refer to. It's more like I just don't want to "be good." With the forced nature of my religious upbringing, I abhor (ab·hor - To regard with horror or loathing) <img src=smilies/laff.gif> the implied morality of "being good." What is that anyway? I imagine I could get tons of generic bullshit replies to that question. Save it for someone who's new to the game. I guess I'm getting at that I prefer the goodness of an individual, including myself, to be somewhat of a mystery. Like I'm trying to hide the fact that I actually am more or less a good person. The appearance of evil is so much more comforting to me and I'm not talking about some bullshit image game like Goth or whatever. I think I'm tired of people posturing to prove to others that they are so great, wonderful, moral, etc... So it's like I want a reverse psychology - I AM EVIL! get it? I hope not.
<P ID="signature">http://i.xanga.com/JohnDietzel/puduhead.jpg</P>