OK... I really need help

[Reaper man]

after many dicussions about my personality in #zophar, I'm really confused and lost... I really need your help

OK... here are a few issues that are getting to me

1. acting myself: I don't get it... I always thought I was ating myself... and you guys think I'm face... will someone please explain?
2. being nice: I found out that it's a bad thing... how is it a bad thing?
3. long-distance relationships: OK there isn't any physical contact, but I can really relate with people online... I don't get why it's so wrong
4. not letting things get to you: HOOOOOW!? it gets to me! whenever I hear something bad abot me it hurts... why? how can it NOT hurt you guys? Is there a secret thing that I don't know?
5. desire to be liked: what so wrong with liking to be liked... something else that's comfusing the shit out of me..

I think some of the guys here can think of others... but those are ones that I can think off the top of my head<img src=smilies/cwm10.gif>

PLEEAAASSSEEE HELP!<img src=smilies/crying.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://bmecoli.home.attbi.com/bluesig.jpg></center></P>

[puduhead]

> 1. acting myself: I don't get it... I always thought I was
> acting myself... and you guys think I'm face... will someone
> please explain?

Well, if you try too hard, people can get that feeling about you. Chill out more and I think people will see you as more "real".

> 2. being nice: I found out that it's a bad thing... how is
> it a bad thing?

Because of the compulsion to always be nice. I think nice is a great way to go, but that can't rule you. There are plenty of times when someone deserves that you give em hell. Not so much because you lose your temper/can't control yourself, but because you make a calculated decision to tell someone to fuck off!

> 3. long-distance relationships: OK there isn't any physical
> contact, but I can really relate with people online... I
> don't get why it's so wrong

That's how you feel right now. Your perspective might change with more real life experiences, particularly with girls. Still tho, I know where you're coming from - i like having online friends like those here on ZMD cuz it's less stressful. But at the end of the day, I'm sleeping with real life women, not cybering it up in an IRC PM somewhere.

> 4. not letting things get to you: HOOOOOW!? it gets to me!
> whenever I hear something bad abot me it hurts... why? how
> can it NOT hurt you guys? Is there a secret thing that I
> don't know?

That takes practice and discipline. I used to knee jerk a lot when things would happen. I decided for the most part that that was bullshit and I was going to try to find another way. So i started measuring my responses to things in an effort to drop things down a notch. Just remember - drama is for movies, keep it out of your life.

> 5. desire to be liked: what so wrong with liking to be
> liked... something else that's comfusing the shit out of me..

All I can say on that is, although I have that desire deep down inside to be loved by one and all, on the surface, I just don't give a fuck. Not giving a fuck about whether people like you or not is a simple way to live. Doesn't mean I want to purposely be an asshole to anyone, but it's nice to just do whatever I want without giving much care one way or the other about what anyone else thinks of me.

<P ID="signature">http://i.xanga.com/JohnDietzel/puduhead.jpg</P>

[shawn]

> 1. acting myself: I don't get it... I always thought I was
> ating myself... and you guys think I'm face... will someone
> please explain?
I had trouble with this, it's sort of like make the same decision as you would if you were alone so there's no being a showoff
> 2. being nice: I found out that it's a bad thing... how is
> it a bad thing?
You kiss up bad to the girls a lot, your nose is real brown Brad, it's not a bad thing to do but not to all girls, express a real opinion even if they don't like it
> 3. long-distance relationships: OK there isn't any physical
> contact, but I can really relate with people online... I
> don't get why it's so wrong
They're not wrong, there's just a high probability the person on the other side of the relationship is full of shit, especially if you've never met in real life
> 4. not letting things get to you: HOOOOOW!? it gets to me!
> whenever I hear something bad abot me it hurts... why? how
> can it NOT hurt you guys? Is there a secret thing that I
> don't know?
Remember sticks and stones can break my bones but names can never hurt me, if you let someone get under your skin then you get mad and they're laughing their ass off because they got you reacting/performing like thier trained monkey, use your brain then respond but don't react, use logic because a lot of the time your gut reaction can be the stupidest thing to judge by because it's controlled by silly stupid emotions.
> 5. desire to be liked: what so wrong with liking to be
> liked... something else that's comfusing the shit out of
> me..
Nothing wrong with that but remember there are assholes in life you should just ignor/avoid but being a friend is cool but you don't have to be everyones friend
> I think some of the guys here can think of others... but
> those are ones that I can think off the top of my head
Me Me
> PLEEAAASSSEEE HELP!
Just relax and don't try to be the center of attention and if you can help someone for sure then step up and they'll appreciate it. <img src=smilies/thumb.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://www.angelfire.com/games3/shawn1000/kennyfall.txt></P>

[Reaper man]

> I had trouble with this, it's sort of like make the same
> decision as you would if you were alone so there's no being
> a showoff

there's my ego getting in the way again :-/ buuut having a high ego is being myself...

> You kiss up bad to the girls a lot, your nose is real brown
> Brad, it's not a bad thing to do but not to all girls,
> express a real opinion even if they don't like it

meep... I... guess so... I dunno.. I just like girls liking me I guess... I guess I should expess bad opinoins... or something :-/

> They're not wrong, there's just a high probability the
> person on the other side of the relationship is full of
> shit, especially if you've never met in real life

well, my friend had a long distance relationship for 4 years... maybe he was lucky.. I dunno

> never hurt me, if you let someone get under your skin then
> you get mad and they're laughing their ass off because they
> got you reacting/performing like thier trained monkey, use
> your brain then respond but don't react, use logic because a
> lot of the time your gut reaction can be the stupidest thing
> to judge by because it's controlled by silly stupid emotions.

respond how? details...


> Nothing wrong with that but remember there are assholes in
> life you should just ignor/avoid but being a friend is cool
> but you don't have to be everyones friend

it would be nice though... :-/ I dunno

> Just relax and don't try to be the center of attention and
> if you can help someone for sure then step up and they'll
> appreciate it.

I always like to help ^_^

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://bmecoli.home.attbi.com/bluesig.jpg></center></P>

[shawn]

>I had trouble with this, it's sort of like make the same decision as you would if you were alone so there's no being a showoff

> there's my ego getting in the way again :-/ buuut having a
> high ego is being myself...

Having a high ego is good as long as you don't let it cloud your judgement, and when you get right down to it ego is just a fantasy image you have of yourself and no one else knows why you feel so good about yourself so they could consider you arrogant or shallow or like stupid like I think about a lot of jocks with high self esteem and no brain to go with it.

> You kiss up bad to the girls a lot, your nose is real brown Brad, it's not a bad thing
>to do but not to all girls,
express a real opinion even if they don't like it

> meep... I... guess so... I dunno.. I just like girls liking
me I guess... I guess I should
>expess bad opinoins... or something :-/

Not bad opinions but maybe try not sugar coating them all the time, that's kind of patronizing and woman do have minds and will respect you for an honest and intelligent opinion.

> They're not wrong, there's just a high probability the person on the other side of the
>relationship is full of shit, especially if you've never met in real life

> well, my friend had a long distance relationship for 4 years... maybe he was lucky.. I dunno

He WAS lucky, forget him, sure go with Rachel for a while if you want but if you do then you should forget all other woman while your with her, relationship means loyalty and trust and you shouldn't flirt, hit on, kiss, or even be checking out woman, if your seeing someone then you have a commitment, if you don't want a commitment then you shouldn't start a relationship, it's all about being faithful in body and spirit.

> never hurt me, if you let someone get under your skin then you get mad and they're
>laughing their ass off because they got you reacting/performing like thier
> trained monkey, use your brain then respond but don't react, use logic because a
lot of the time your gut reaction can be the stupidest thing to judge by because it's
>controlled by silly stupid emotions.

> respond how? details...

In your replies here you more or less insult/yell back when someone makes fun of you, this is a game, they know they can mess with you any time they want and you just react as predicted with an angry reply and they laugh and I wonder when you will catch on, reread the posts in the forums where people insult you with a little joke and there is an obvious pattern of a quick reaction, like a reflex, myself, I laugh, especially if the joke is funny because I love a good joke even if it's about me and if it's exceptionally good I'll let them know it was a good joke because I learned a while back that a to much pride is a bad thing and that life is so much easier when you can enjoy it instead of sitting around going "who said what about me!!!!", because I could care less if someone says shit about me, but I will take the time to see if their opinion has merit and maybe I can learn something from it.

> Nothing wrong with that but remember there are assholes in life you should just
> ignor/avoid but being a friend is cool but you don't have to be everyones friend

> it would be nice though... :-/ I dunno

You can try but if they through it in your face or ignor you fuckem
> Just relax and don't try to be the center of attention and if you can help someone for sure
then step up and they'll
> appreciate it.

> I always like to help ^_^

I've noticed that and that's why I'm trying to help you because you always seemed like a nice guy, just got picked on because your still a little rough around the social edges but you will grow out of that soon enough and look back and go, did I say or do that, I know I did. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://www.angelfire.com/games3/shawn1000/kennyfall.txt></P>

[SpaceTiger]

> 1. acting myself: I don't get it... I always thought I was
> ating myself... and you guys think I'm face... will someone
> please explain?

Continue being yourself, don't be discouraged from that. Sometimes you need to emphasize different aspects of your personality around different people, but this is a skill you'll develop with time. "Be yourself" should be an obvious piece of advice because if you aren't, then you'll end up with a girl who thinks you're somebody different. That is, unless you're just trying to get laid for a night. Under those circumstances you can be whoever you want, as long as you can keep it up for a night. But I digress.....

> 2. being nice: I found out that it's a bad thing... how is
> it a bad thing?

Nothing wrong with being nice, don't be discouraged from it. Sometimes, however, you need to show it when you're upset. This will make your life easier to live and prevent you from appearing as a pushover. It will also make you appear more real. Overly nice guys sometimes appear to be putting on a show.

> 3. long-distance relationships: OK there isn't any physical
> contact, but I can really relate with people online... I
> don't get why it's so wrong

I think it kinda stalls your interpersonal development. I started with online relationships and I basically didn't socialize during those times. Now my opinion is that long distance should only be done if you dated for a while over short distances beforehand. You really can't get to know somebody very well over a phone or a computer.

> 4. not letting things get to you: HOOOOOW!? it gets to me!
> whenever I hear something bad abot me it hurts... why? how
> can it NOT hurt you guys? Is there a secret thing that I
> don't know?

I must admit to being in the same category as you. I'm extremely sensitive and my girlfriend tells me so. All this means is that you'll probably end up with somebody who is also sensitive (most girls are, so this shouldn't be a problem). As life deals its blows to you, you will probably become less sensitive about certain things, but that will happen gradually. Don't bother trying to change all of a sudden, it won't work.

> 5. desire to be liked: what so wrong with liking to be
> liked... something else that's comfusing the shit out of
> me..

Nothing wrong with wanting to be liked. Personally, I love it when somebody (male or female) gives me the impression that they want to be friends with me. Unfortunately, a lot of people in this world are put off by people who show a strong need to be liked. I think that they may be afraid that you're asking them for a caring that they wouldn't be able to provide, so they try to push you away. You can't do anything about these people, so just keep being yourself.

Basically, keep a positive outlook. Your time will come, but until then just live for yourself. That's the best piece of advice I can give. While you're alone, live for yourself. It will make you appear happier, more confident, and........more desirable.

SpaceTiger

<P ID="signature"></P>

[Reaper man]

> snip snip snip
>
> > For example, ... Brad's mom ... . It has been old, stale,
> and crusty for weeks now.

I actually found that funny...

almost as funny as me making that www.bootdick.com typo



<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://bmecoli.home.attbi.com/bluesig.jpg></center></P>

[JadussD]

> I love a good insult war. It's an artform that exhibits true
> intelligence, quick-thinking, and the range of your
> vocabularity and wit.
>

Oh, shut up you crawfish eating cumrag. I would rather shoot myself in the face six times than get into an insult fight with you. Insults are unamusing by themselves, but when coupled with fucking needless swearing, stereotyping, and low-brow humor, it makes you look like a moron, you cajun crocodile-humping cunt.

<P ID="signature">Formerly known as ArrogantASMGuyX.</P>

[Slein]

> 4. not letting things get to you: HOOOOOW!? it gets to me!
> whenever I hear something bad abot me it hurts... why? how
> can it NOT hurt you guys? Is there a secret thing that I
> don't know?
Being a little brother, I had a lot of experience with getting picked on when I was younger. My brother and his friends would always pick on me and make me the center of jokes. You know, laughing at me, not with me, that kind of stuff. What you have to realize is that getting mad is exactly what they want. If you don't get mad, they don't have any fun. If they don't have any fun, they'll probably stop teasing you. But that's real life stuff. On the internet, it's even EASIER to not take things personally. Think about it. Why should you care what a fat, girlfriendless, depressed 13 year old that lives 500 miles away thinks of you? You're wasting your time. Wake up and smell the fucking coffee.

My response to #5 is similar to #4. Why do you care if someone you'll never meet likes you? It's unfounded. You should do things on the internet because you enjoy it, or you GET something. Not to boost your ego or to give yourself the feeling that you have friends.

For the most part I think you just need to realize that the internet shouldn't rule your life. Don't take things so seriously, and for christ's sake, go find a real girlfriend if you're that desperate!

<P ID="signature">http://www.bc9s.com/slein/images/hiryu_sig.jpg
This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.
</P>

[shawn]

> Why don't you go eat a dead man's ass, you fucking
> pizza-slingin' Chicago gangsta wannabe Donny Wahlberg
> idolizing pile of flea-infested feces!

OK guys, time to kiss and make up. <img src=smilies/liefde.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://www.angelfire.com/games3/shawn1000/kennyfall.txt></P>

[Octocrook]

> Why don't you go eat a dead man's ass, you fucking
> pizza-slingin' Chicago gangsta wannabe Donny Wahlberg
> idolizing pile of flea-infested feces!

Quit being you, you ignorant wanglicking Avril wannabe stinky fingered tinkleface. Gawd. <img src=smilies/flipa.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img SRC=http://www.bc9s.com/crooky/b62.jpg>

"Wanna touch?"

-Xanga (http://www.crooky.com>Crooky</a>))</center></P>

[shawn]

> Quit being you, you ignorant wanglicking Avril wannabe
> stinky fingered tinkleface. Gawd.

Would you quit fuck sugar coating everything. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif>

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://www.angelfire.com/games3/shawn1000/kennyfall.txt></P>