Untitled Abnormal Page

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I am sick.

Sick.

Masochistic.

I used to carve symbols and words into my flesh. I dunno why.

Was it to gain attention from those around me?
If so, I failed.

Was it an outlet for my inner turmoil & emotional distress?
Perhaps.

I haven't cut or "embroidered" myself in two months. I want to know why I did it. I am afraid that I might do it again.

It seems that this year, I lost it. I hurt myself for fun. Fuck, I was voluntarily shot with pepper spray by my friend. I forced him to do it. Then I started to play human darts, it's like regular darts, except instead of a dart board, darts are thrown at another person, and that person is always me.

Why the hell am I doing this to myself?

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[Ernst]

> Why the hell am I doing this to myself?
>
I have a lot of friends who cut them selfes every now and then. A common reason is that when you cut your self you release the pain you have inside and convert it to physical pain witch is much easier to handle, thus making you feel better and more at ease. A lest until you build up enough pain to do it again, it's a very temporal sollution to bigger-than-want-to-handle problems.
You must find out what is wrong in your life and deal with it, and the hurting of your self will atomaticly stop.

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<font color=red>OR ELSE (http://www.microsoft.com)</font color=red></P>

[shawn]

Some people do stuff like this also I've noticed to get sympathy like when they're little kids and they get sick and are taken care of by thier parents, but it is a subconcious thing, but since the person never gets the compassion/love they crave/need they continue to do this and don't even know why they do it but still at times feel the need to do it even though it doesn't work, another example of this is women that cut there wrists for attention but that is a more extreme situation, and another excellent explaination is what Ernst stated, the reason varies from person to person and maybe a Ernst suggested you should seek a professional to talk to, I've been to a phychologist and he made me look at myself in a different way and told me things about myself that I had fought to not notice and made me look at myself and realize why I thought and did things. <img src=smilies/magbiggrin.gif>

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I'm too cheap and too embarassed to go to a professional. This too shall pass...I hope.

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