GamerTony
08-11-2002, 10:15 AM
Its a lil past 3 and although I'm tired as all hell I cant sleep because I cant get Amanda and all we're going through currently to pass out when my head hits the pillow like it should. So here I am, listening to Crystal Gayle music and wondering alot of what ifs that I shouldnt be wondering. Like what if I dont get to be with her for her bday Sept 20th like I promised.. what if I let her down? I keep trying to tell myself I'm not leting her down and that I'm doing all I can.. and I know she knows that.. but after all we've been through.. to not be there for the woman I love.. to hold her and make her feel like a queen, to make her feel and to treat her the way she SHOULD be treated.. unlike how her fucked up family treats her.. what if I never get to tell her all the things I want to say to her but dont know how to? Damnit, why does there have to be such distance between us? 17 month anniversary.. and instead of us being happy.. we're wondering.. what will happen Sept 20th? Well we are happy... we're not pregnant.. damn stress but I really need to get the money to be with her.. I dont care if I have to sell my new xbox.. (insert xbox remarks here) to do it.. I will, to be with her , to not let her down..to not break my word to the best thing that has EVER happened to me. I love her too much to do that to her.. I'd rather kill myself then break her heart by letting her down and NOT being there on her bday when she has NOTHING there but a family who treats her like shit, constantly destroys her lil self esteem/self worth she has.. her mom, and my future mother in law (if I dont kill her first), constantly blames her for all her problems.. and for me to just be there for her.. especially on her bday.. to make her feel special and loved and cared for.. to be able to take her to dinner or to a 50 cent movie.. hell, to just spend time with her... would mean more to her.. and to the both of us then anyone could ever know.. I could also show hr family how to treat a lady... perhaps even say some things I've been holding inside far too long..
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