blackize
08-08-2002, 02:58 AM
2001 has not been a good year for me, neither has 2002.
The fact of the matter is that, upon graduation, I'm moving. I can't bear the thought of leaving my home town. God, there's just so many f'n memories in this place, I don't know where to begin.
I feel like I want to blame my mother for my grief. She bought a house in PA, because it's too expensive to live in New Jersey, or so she says. I really don't blame her, she did raise my sister and myself almost by herself, besides the fact that she has to pay a $1200/month mortage.
There's so many thoughts rushing through my mind about the move. I'm stressed about my personal finances, although I'll be staying with my mom and her boyfriend if I move. Insurance, video games, movies, my car and whatever expenses I'm going to encounter in this hell I call a life. Also, I worked so hard in keeping my family's current home safe from the evils of telemarketers and Ed McMahon, I'm worried about the crap we'll receive at the new address. And going back to my finances...TAXES. How the fuck am I going to sort out that mess? Jersey taxes suck and I can't handle them without guidance from my mom, but PA taxes? How am I gonna juggle both? This move just makes me wanna get a rifle and blow out my brains! <img src=smilies/snipersmilie.gif>
My mom hasn't even notified my father (my parents are divorced) that we are moving to PA. I'm 18, yet I don't have the balls to tell my dad that I'm moving and that I most likely won't seem him for a long time, or at least until I sort out my finances and personal demons. My father and I have had our differences, but the thought of not seeing him for an extended period of time bothers me to the point that I wanna <img src=smilies/crying.gif> .
I talked to my sister about moving. Even though I normally don't get along with my sister, it felt somewhat good to vent with her about moving. Yet it also saddened me when I learned that once she gets her teaching career on track, she's also moving and I might not see her for a long time, too.
I wish my mom would've considered my sister's and my opinion about moving. Yeah, I hate my town and I hate a lot of the people in it, but I cannot leave it. Nor can I leave this house, there's so many memories here...It's like my mom rushed off to buy a house without hearing my argument. Yeah a $1200/month mortage is a lot of money, but if my mom's boyfriend would've moved in with us as opposed to my mom buying a new house and moving in with him, then I'm sure the mortage situation could've been worked out, everyone has a job so we could've contributed something.
As the subject of the message states, I'm depressed and it's the truth. I feel like I'm only going to move in with my mom and her boyfriend just to please her. I just act like I'm happy with the move and when I was at the new house the past few days, I acted like I liked the new house and wanted to live there. Honestly, the new house sucks as it is smaller than my current house and it looks like it was trapped in the 70's. Orange stools, shag carpeting everywhere. Oh and the previous owner left a lot of deer skins and coat hangers made from deer hooves. What a f'n psycho.
I don't know what the deal is. Maybe I'm afraid of letting go of the past and starting over in PA. Maybe I'm afraid that by moving, I'm going to hurt my father. I hope someone can make sense out of my mindless babble. Even after posting all of this, I still feel depressed and sad about the move.
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The fact of the matter is that, upon graduation, I'm moving. I can't bear the thought of leaving my home town. God, there's just so many f'n memories in this place, I don't know where to begin.
I feel like I want to blame my mother for my grief. She bought a house in PA, because it's too expensive to live in New Jersey, or so she says. I really don't blame her, she did raise my sister and myself almost by herself, besides the fact that she has to pay a $1200/month mortage.
There's so many thoughts rushing through my mind about the move. I'm stressed about my personal finances, although I'll be staying with my mom and her boyfriend if I move. Insurance, video games, movies, my car and whatever expenses I'm going to encounter in this hell I call a life. Also, I worked so hard in keeping my family's current home safe from the evils of telemarketers and Ed McMahon, I'm worried about the crap we'll receive at the new address. And going back to my finances...TAXES. How the fuck am I going to sort out that mess? Jersey taxes suck and I can't handle them without guidance from my mom, but PA taxes? How am I gonna juggle both? This move just makes me wanna get a rifle and blow out my brains! <img src=smilies/snipersmilie.gif>
My mom hasn't even notified my father (my parents are divorced) that we are moving to PA. I'm 18, yet I don't have the balls to tell my dad that I'm moving and that I most likely won't seem him for a long time, or at least until I sort out my finances and personal demons. My father and I have had our differences, but the thought of not seeing him for an extended period of time bothers me to the point that I wanna <img src=smilies/crying.gif> .
I talked to my sister about moving. Even though I normally don't get along with my sister, it felt somewhat good to vent with her about moving. Yet it also saddened me when I learned that once she gets her teaching career on track, she's also moving and I might not see her for a long time, too.
I wish my mom would've considered my sister's and my opinion about moving. Yeah, I hate my town and I hate a lot of the people in it, but I cannot leave it. Nor can I leave this house, there's so many memories here...It's like my mom rushed off to buy a house without hearing my argument. Yeah a $1200/month mortage is a lot of money, but if my mom's boyfriend would've moved in with us as opposed to my mom buying a new house and moving in with him, then I'm sure the mortage situation could've been worked out, everyone has a job so we could've contributed something.
As the subject of the message states, I'm depressed and it's the truth. I feel like I'm only going to move in with my mom and her boyfriend just to please her. I just act like I'm happy with the move and when I was at the new house the past few days, I acted like I liked the new house and wanted to live there. Honestly, the new house sucks as it is smaller than my current house and it looks like it was trapped in the 70's. Orange stools, shag carpeting everywhere. Oh and the previous owner left a lot of deer skins and coat hangers made from deer hooves. What a f'n psycho.
I don't know what the deal is. Maybe I'm afraid of letting go of the past and starting over in PA. Maybe I'm afraid that by moving, I'm going to hurt my father. I hope someone can make sense out of my mindless babble. Even after posting all of this, I still feel depressed and sad about the move.
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