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SwampGas
11-15-2004, 12:53 AM
A friend of mine was hysterically crying today. She kept going on and on about how horrible of a person she is, how she runied her life, etc.

I finally got it out of her. She was being unfaithful to her husband for 2 months.

I'm not quite sure how to react. I have plenty of experience with that, but I'm trying to remain objective. I can't just tell her "ew, you're a piece of shit don't talk to me bye." I just don't know what to say. Part of me wants to shoot her in the head...one less unfaithful person in the world. The other part wants to give her a big hug and tell her everything will be alright and I'll help her pull things back together.

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SpaceTiger
11-15-2004, 01:39 AM
I know exactly what you mean. I hate unfaithfulness so much, that it's hard for me to sympathize with friends who admit to cheating. If I were you, I would just be a friend, but tell her to fess up ASAP.

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Goku
11-15-2004, 02:22 AM
> but tell her to fess up ASAP.

I dont know. That is the honourable thing to do but I am not sure it is the most prudent thing to do. Will her husband find out? Is her lover out of the way and gone for good? Yes, then i wonder if it would be more logical for her to shut up and just never do it again.

Edit: ON a side note, Im not sure if the secret and the guilt might do more harm or the possiblity of finding out down the road. It is a hard call. Tell her to write Dear Abby or somthing



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SpaceTiger
11-15-2004, 02:30 AM
> Edit: ON a side note, Im not sure if the secret and the
> guilt might do more harm or the possiblity of finding out
> down the road.

It will. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship. Cheesy as it may sound, it's true. She should definitely confess or she'll just find herself becoming more distant from him.

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Though all just plastic too..." </P>
The 9th Sage
11-15-2004, 02:33 AM
> i wonder if it would be more logical for
> her to shut up and just never do it again.

I don't feel that dishonesty is a good policy to have in a relationship. I guess I'm just old fashioned that way.

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Goku
11-15-2004, 02:42 AM
She should definitely
> confess or she'll just find herself becoming more distant
> from him.

Maybe. On the otherhand, she could kill the relationship outright. Afterall, ignorance is bliss.

Then again this is a moral issue. I would never cheat so this is a non issue for me. She fucked up


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Goku
11-15-2004, 02:50 AM
You are right. Honesty is the best policy. I am just unsure in this situaiton if honesty is the best policy if she wants to conserve the relationshiop. She fucked up big time. I know if i was the guy i would have a serous internal dialog about kicking her to the curb. With that said, if this is a once in a life time event (extremely doubtful), ignorance is bliss.

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The 9th Sage
11-15-2004, 02:57 AM
> You are right. Honesty is the best policy. I am just
> unsure in this situaiton if honesty is the best policy if
> she wants to conserve the relationshiop. She fucked up big
> time. I know if i was the guy i would have a serous
> internal dialog about kicking her to the curb.

Exactly. Realizing your girlfiriend lied to you for some time isn't fun, but I think that if she really does care about him than he deserves to know the truth. Who knows? Maybe he can forget and forgive, but that's not something that's easy to do with something like this. I know all this first hand.

>With that
> said, if this is a once in a life time event (extremely
> doubtful), ignorance is bliss.

I suppose, but then if something is bothering her (such as this) and he's not totally oblivious, he's going to catch on eventually anyway, and I'd rather live in reality than magical fantasy dreamland, because that place isn't real.

*edit*
Christ...I sound really bitter don't I? I think I need to lighten up a little bit tonight or something...
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Goku
11-15-2004, 03:03 AM
I just dont know.

Cheating is an awful thing to do. Truth be told, I dont understand how anybody can cheat.


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Goku
11-15-2004, 03:06 AM
> *edit*
> Christ...I sound really bitter don't I? I think I need to
> lighten up a little bit tonight or something...

No, not really. You sound human. You were put (and probaly still are) been put through alot of shit. As I said, I dont know how anybody can cheat. But, i am just conjecturing that maybe fantasy la la land for some people would be fine for them.

If Mioko cheated on me......I would be devastated.

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The 9th Sage
11-15-2004, 03:36 AM
> No, not really. You sound human. You were put (and probaly
> still are) been put through alot of shit. As I said, I dont
> know how anybody can cheat. But, i am just conjecturing
> that maybe fantasy la la land for some people would be fine
> for them.

Yeah...I know. I wish I wasn't going through everything I'm going through now....but I still feel I'm better off knowing, because things like this don't stay hidden forever and I'd have found out anyway, and at that time It'd probably have been even more painful (although I'm not sure how exactly that could be).

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Octocrook
11-15-2004, 08:29 AM
> I dont know. That is the honourable thing to do but I am
> not sure it is the most prudent thing to do. Will her
> husband find out? Is her lover out of the way and gone for
> good? Yes, then i wonder if it would be more logical for
> her to shut up and just never do it again.

Nah...it's like taking the blue pill in the Matrix. Sure, you could take it, it would be the easiest way out, and you can just live on and forget (yea right, maybe pretend to forget), but you know that it's just not the right path to take. Consider this: if your spouse cheated on you, would you rather know or not know about it? You'd rather know, right? It's part of building a foundation of trust, and either you will find it somewhere in you to forgive them for what they've done, or you won't and it's over. Either way, it's better than living in a dream world where you don't know shit.

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Octocrook
11-15-2004, 08:49 AM
> I'm not quite sure how to react. I have plenty of
> experience with that, but I'm trying to remain objective. I
> can't just tell her "ew, you're a piece of shit don't talk
> to me bye."

When my ex-girlfriend (who remained friends with me for a while) had told me that she was cheating on the guy she dumped me for, I pretty much stopped talking to her from then on. It was probably mainly caused by the fact that she was my ex and saying that she was unfaithful, but seriously...if I were you, I'd give her some "tough love" shit, say "If you have any dignity whatsoever, you will tell him the truth." Unfaithfulness is something that I just cannot tolerate, and I don't care if the person is my best friend...if they say they cheated on someone, it would upset the shit out of me.

Also, don't forget to note that your friend said she was unfaithful to him for 2 months. That's beyond simple cheating...that's "relationship with someone else" kind of cheating. She dug her own hole.

I mean if you want to sleep with other people, BREAK UP, because you're obviously not into the relationship and what's the point? Otherwise, I see it as doing something completely despicable, and I don't care how well they break it to me...if a girl cheats on me, that's it, have a nice life. And yes, that includes if she got drunk. The only time I would possibly consider not doing such is if there's children involved and their wellbeing is at stake, in which case you have a lose-lose situation and have to pick whichever is the least bad.

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