Fla Flash
05-08-2002, 08:57 PM
Okay, now I've lost it.
Went home last night and what was in my house? All four of my beloved cats (I do mean that) munching on my bag of freakin' cheese curls. I don't even know how they got in. They were all outside when I left. They opened the cabinet above the sink, dragged the bag out in the middle of the kitchen floor, shredded it open and pigged out. Had little yellow cheese shit all over the faces. I laughed, god help me.
Until I saw the freakin' ants.
Then I requested they go out. Yes, I did say "Get the fuck out, ya walkin' flea circuses!".
They fled in terror.
About a half hour (and a quarter can of bug spray) later, I get rid of the freakin' ants. Then I hear a big hullabaloo outside.
Mama has a squirrel.
And it's still, um, somewhat alive.
I approach her and ask her to let it go. Let me put it to you this way, if looks could kill, my obit would be written already.
So now she makes quick work of it (thankfully- I don't like seeing any animal suffer). She eats what she kills. This morning I realized why they like squirrels so much.
They're Happy Meals for cats.
They come with a toy. The fucking squirrel tail. I shrugged.
About two hours later here comes some bimbo down my walkway, walking through the woods, stumbling. She was about 5' 7'' and I would say, close to 300 lbs. I started to shake.
"Can I help you?", I asked, subdued.
"Yesh,", she responds, obviously drunk, "I lef' my unnerwear here lash night."
I bit my upper lip for fear of laughing my ass off.
"I don't think so," , I replied.
"Yeah," she said, narrowing her eyes and weaving a great deal, "You don't look like JD."
JD is one of my neighbors. He lives in the house directly next door to the landlady. 'Hmm', I thought, evilly. 'Dis gonna be fun.'
I walked back with her to the front. "Okay," and I stroked my chin, noticing my landlady was unexpectedly home. "He either lives in that one or this one". I pointed to my landlady's house. "I'm pretty sure that's the one, though.".
She started stumbling off, and I smiled.
You've got to grab life's opportunities.
<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.MdCplus.com/web/rflash/fsig.gif></P>
Went home last night and what was in my house? All four of my beloved cats (I do mean that) munching on my bag of freakin' cheese curls. I don't even know how they got in. They were all outside when I left. They opened the cabinet above the sink, dragged the bag out in the middle of the kitchen floor, shredded it open and pigged out. Had little yellow cheese shit all over the faces. I laughed, god help me.
Until I saw the freakin' ants.
Then I requested they go out. Yes, I did say "Get the fuck out, ya walkin' flea circuses!".
They fled in terror.
About a half hour (and a quarter can of bug spray) later, I get rid of the freakin' ants. Then I hear a big hullabaloo outside.
Mama has a squirrel.
And it's still, um, somewhat alive.
I approach her and ask her to let it go. Let me put it to you this way, if looks could kill, my obit would be written already.
So now she makes quick work of it (thankfully- I don't like seeing any animal suffer). She eats what she kills. This morning I realized why they like squirrels so much.
They're Happy Meals for cats.
They come with a toy. The fucking squirrel tail. I shrugged.
About two hours later here comes some bimbo down my walkway, walking through the woods, stumbling. She was about 5' 7'' and I would say, close to 300 lbs. I started to shake.
"Can I help you?", I asked, subdued.
"Yesh,", she responds, obviously drunk, "I lef' my unnerwear here lash night."
I bit my upper lip for fear of laughing my ass off.
"I don't think so," , I replied.
"Yeah," she said, narrowing her eyes and weaving a great deal, "You don't look like JD."
JD is one of my neighbors. He lives in the house directly next door to the landlady. 'Hmm', I thought, evilly. 'Dis gonna be fun.'
I walked back with her to the front. "Okay," and I stroked my chin, noticing my landlady was unexpectedly home. "He either lives in that one or this one". I pointed to my landlady's house. "I'm pretty sure that's the one, though.".
She started stumbling off, and I smiled.
You've got to grab life's opportunities.
<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.MdCplus.com/web/rflash/fsig.gif></P>