Two peanuts walk into a bar

[chiefmonkey]

One was a salted.

[Reaper man]

DOHOHOHOHOHO....

[InVerse]

Daddy Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato go for a walk. Baby Tomato keeps lagging behind so Daddy goes back, smashes him on the head and says "Ketchup".

[chiefmonkey]

A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

[InVerse]

A psychic midget escaped from prison. The headline in the newspaper read "Small Medium At Large".

[chiefmonkey]

You know why the chicks loved Jesus?

He was hung like THIS. (put arms apart)

[king killa]

You know how to get an Amish woman pregnant? Jack off in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

[chiefmonkey]

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left half of his body?

He's all right now.

[king killa]

Women are all the same. Take my wife....

Seriously- take my wife, please.

[D--]

The founders of all the beer companies meet up for a night out at the bar.

When the bartender starts taking their orders, Adolph Coors orders a Coors, Frederick Miller orders a Miller, John Kinder Labatt orders a Labatt's and Arthur Guinness order a club soda.

All the other beer guys stare at Guinness and ask him, "Why didn't you order a Guinness?"

Arthur Guinness says, "If you guys aren't going to have a beer, then neither am I."