SwampGas
05-17-2004, 06:27 AM
So much on my mind tonight that I can't sleep.
Apparently my grandparents from around here (others are in Florida) aren't doing so well. Grandma has CBGD (cortico basal ganglionic degeneration)....which basically means she turns into a vegetable and dies, knowing it's all happening. Lifespan after diagnosis is 3-5 years and she's in year 2. Started with her not feeling her legs and now it's starting to shut down the rest of her nervous system.
My mom said she barely eats anything...she has trouble thinking (although she does know what's going on...she just can't convey it)...she's starting to have trouble talking and eating...
Mom also said that when they were talking grandma said, in a sad monotone voice, that my cousins and aunt all call her by her name (which they do) and she said "all I wanted was to be called grandma." Oh, freaking great. When someone starts thinking and saying that kind of stuff, it's the end. A normal person doesn't think that. Someone who's given up and ready to die says that.
Grandpa is doing well...he's happy and chugging along, although his heart is working at like 30%.
I've looked up to these grandparents my entire life...I've wanted to be them my entire life...I've wanted my life to turn out exactly as theirs did. I think part of me is avoiding them because I can't stand to see them like this. I have to suck it up, though....even if it means I'll have less than pleasant memories. If I don't and they die, I'll regret it forever. On the other hand, they deserve to see their eldest grandchild (me)....nobody likes to say it, but I've always been the favorite. I just have to suck it up and be a man about it even though it kills me inside.
I'm going to ask N to come with me when I go to visit. They were both teachers, she's going to be a teacher. She likes helping physically disabled people, grandma isn't doing too hot in that department. I'd like to help grandpa do some chores around the house, plant the garden, etc....N can help keep grandma company and keep an eye on her.
Couple scenarios I want to present to N:
1) She drives here Friday evening and either stays with me or with another friend, we go on Saturday after lunch, cook dinner there, go straight to line dancing...she can either stay overnight again or go straight home.
2) She drives out Saturday morning, we grab lunch, then the same thing.
It's a 4 hour drive for her, it's expensive (tolls and gas), and I'm sure she has a life....but for some reason I really want to take her there. I guess it's because the grandparents place has always been a special kind of thing for me...I loved going there as a kid. Nice big yard, stream in the back...and I've always thought about taking someone I care about to show them.
I think it's asking too much...but I'll ask anyway.
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Apparently my grandparents from around here (others are in Florida) aren't doing so well. Grandma has CBGD (cortico basal ganglionic degeneration)....which basically means she turns into a vegetable and dies, knowing it's all happening. Lifespan after diagnosis is 3-5 years and she's in year 2. Started with her not feeling her legs and now it's starting to shut down the rest of her nervous system.
My mom said she barely eats anything...she has trouble thinking (although she does know what's going on...she just can't convey it)...she's starting to have trouble talking and eating...
Mom also said that when they were talking grandma said, in a sad monotone voice, that my cousins and aunt all call her by her name (which they do) and she said "all I wanted was to be called grandma." Oh, freaking great. When someone starts thinking and saying that kind of stuff, it's the end. A normal person doesn't think that. Someone who's given up and ready to die says that.
Grandpa is doing well...he's happy and chugging along, although his heart is working at like 30%.
I've looked up to these grandparents my entire life...I've wanted to be them my entire life...I've wanted my life to turn out exactly as theirs did. I think part of me is avoiding them because I can't stand to see them like this. I have to suck it up, though....even if it means I'll have less than pleasant memories. If I don't and they die, I'll regret it forever. On the other hand, they deserve to see their eldest grandchild (me)....nobody likes to say it, but I've always been the favorite. I just have to suck it up and be a man about it even though it kills me inside.
I'm going to ask N to come with me when I go to visit. They were both teachers, she's going to be a teacher. She likes helping physically disabled people, grandma isn't doing too hot in that department. I'd like to help grandpa do some chores around the house, plant the garden, etc....N can help keep grandma company and keep an eye on her.
Couple scenarios I want to present to N:
1) She drives here Friday evening and either stays with me or with another friend, we go on Saturday after lunch, cook dinner there, go straight to line dancing...she can either stay overnight again or go straight home.
2) She drives out Saturday morning, we grab lunch, then the same thing.
It's a 4 hour drive for her, it's expensive (tolls and gas), and I'm sure she has a life....but for some reason I really want to take her there. I guess it's because the grandparents place has always been a special kind of thing for me...I loved going there as a kid. Nice big yard, stream in the back...and I've always thought about taking someone I care about to show them.
I think it's asking too much...but I'll ask anyway.
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