SwampGas
05-13-2004, 05:26 AM
First, colleges are done now...and this week is the last one for N's college. Earlier this week she said she cried when she said goodbye to some people....understandable, but I thought she was over-exagerating. I saw her away message as "not doing so well...maybe you could call my cell if you want." So, being the tender-loving-caring person I am, I called her to see what was up. She sounded nasal, she was sniffling, etc. She was just bawling her eyes out. I felt SO sad. She's so upset over going home. We chat for a bit and then I told her to just go hang out with her friends while she can. I guess they watched a movie or something.
I found out she reads everyones' away message, so I set mine to the biggest size smiley face and a "CHEER UP N!" I get back later that night to an IM from her that says "sam...i love you." Awwww. I told her I would make another inspirational away message for her when I went to bed. She was still pretty upset so I asked for some divine inspiration from above...and without thinking I typed the following:
<blockquote>Although distance may set you apart,
You'll always know in your heart,
That your friends are still thinking of you.
SMILE N</blockquote>
I used the big smiley face again...and I used one of her nicknames rather than her usual full name. She IMed me after she saw it (I was asleep) and said "sam that is the sweetest thing i probably ever saw."
When I talk about it with friends, they're like "slick moves...nice job!" No no no. I actually DO care about her and want her to be happy. If she smiles for even just 5 seconds after seeing stuff like that, it was well worth it.
About the same time, earlier this week, M and K (females) asked to stay over at my place on Saturday since we all go line dancing and they live far away (their college is out, too). Should be lots of fun...except I have to buy a bedding situation for them.
Today N asked, out of the blue, if she could stay here as well on Saturday because she might be too tired or too emotional to drive the 4 hours home. She said there's only a slight chance she'd stay, but just wanted the option. Uhh..YES??? <img src=smilies/eek5.gif>
I also invited C to come up and stay over on Saturday....now it's a true sleepover party. My favorite ladies in my new place....and best friend Jon might crash as well (not sure if he's bringing fiance A or not).
So N's dad was coming to college to get the rest of her things since they had to be out today. I didn't want to say anything to him about Saturday....but at the very least I wanted to meet the guy and let him meet me. I mean, I'm madly in love with his daughter and all. Nice guy. N went to her grandma's with daddy, C and I went out to dinner.
Flash forward a few hours. I'm at Hooters with a friend and the phone rings. I see "N" on the caller id. Again, I fumble the phone and my friend's like "oh, great...must be N." He's in the background yelling "HE LOVES YOU" and "HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU" and all that jazz. Lovely.
Either way, she called just to chat for a bit. First thing she asks if it's okay to stay over on Saturday....again, I said yes. She said she mentioned it to her dad and he's fine with it (whew)....so she's definitely staying over.
She called that guy she expressed interest in tonight and he officially asked her out on a date on Friday.
(record scratch)
What the? What? Who? Damnit. Shit. (insert expletive here)
I'm happy for her...and I told her that. As long as she's happy, I'm happy and supportive for her. But deep down I'm insanely jealous and trying to find reasons for her not to want to date him. I know it's my fault...you know the old saying...shit or get off the pot. But if that's what makes her happy...then I'm all for it.
Just as I'm at the peak of my trying to hide my jealousy and disappointment she asked "so what are you doing tomorrow?" As usual....nothing. She asks "you know, my dinner was moved to earlier...so I'm free tomorrow night."
(record scratch)
STOP. Stop it right there. Hold up. DING DING DING red flag. <img src=smilies/director.gif>
"We should do something tomorrow." Wham, bam, money gram. She and I don't have a destination yet (we kicked around a few ideas), but it's settled. I told her to IM me or call me tomorrow when she figures out what the exact time for dindin is and when she'd be done and such.
Now I'm going to over-analyze the situation. It would appear she's given red flags before and I either missed them or just didn't do anything. Why would she suddenly drop a blatant damn thing like that in the open AFTER SHE AGREES TO GO ON A DATE WITH THIS OTHER GUY? Was this other guy just something to motivate me? Does she just want my face to face advice for this other guy? Does she want this to be a practice date? Am I completely wrong and I'm just "a friend" to pass the time? Don't care....the point is I'LL BE WITH HER.
I speak for a living. I'm a professional broadcaster. I get paid to be witty, quick, funny, and talk. But I did it again tonight, too. I had NO IDEA what to say to her. There was a few instances of silence, of stuttering, of just not being able to think straight. But I made it through.
Well, now it's time for the drive home. The ENTIRE WAY my friend is picking on me about this. "OOOH SAM'S IN LOVE...OOH SAM LOVES N...YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER...YOU WANT HER...YOU'RE SO MADLY IN LOVE...YOU'RE IN DENIAL."
I just didn't say anything to it...because everything he said was true. I think the world of this girl and I just won't say it to her or even truly admit it to myself. But he's also totally right about at least one thing....I think I'm stuck in the "friend" category forever. You know, that nice guy that she befriends and wants to keep as a friend so someone will always be there.
Bah. More divine inspiration wants to flow.
You've changed my life,
And you'll never know it.
You've brought about certain emotions,
But I'll never show it.
We've laughed
We've cried
We've danced
We've dined
But still I sit here at home,
Alone in it.
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>
I found out she reads everyones' away message, so I set mine to the biggest size smiley face and a "CHEER UP N!" I get back later that night to an IM from her that says "sam...i love you." Awwww. I told her I would make another inspirational away message for her when I went to bed. She was still pretty upset so I asked for some divine inspiration from above...and without thinking I typed the following:
<blockquote>Although distance may set you apart,
You'll always know in your heart,
That your friends are still thinking of you.
SMILE N</blockquote>
I used the big smiley face again...and I used one of her nicknames rather than her usual full name. She IMed me after she saw it (I was asleep) and said "sam that is the sweetest thing i probably ever saw."
When I talk about it with friends, they're like "slick moves...nice job!" No no no. I actually DO care about her and want her to be happy. If she smiles for even just 5 seconds after seeing stuff like that, it was well worth it.
About the same time, earlier this week, M and K (females) asked to stay over at my place on Saturday since we all go line dancing and they live far away (their college is out, too). Should be lots of fun...except I have to buy a bedding situation for them.
Today N asked, out of the blue, if she could stay here as well on Saturday because she might be too tired or too emotional to drive the 4 hours home. She said there's only a slight chance she'd stay, but just wanted the option. Uhh..YES??? <img src=smilies/eek5.gif>
I also invited C to come up and stay over on Saturday....now it's a true sleepover party. My favorite ladies in my new place....and best friend Jon might crash as well (not sure if he's bringing fiance A or not).
So N's dad was coming to college to get the rest of her things since they had to be out today. I didn't want to say anything to him about Saturday....but at the very least I wanted to meet the guy and let him meet me. I mean, I'm madly in love with his daughter and all. Nice guy. N went to her grandma's with daddy, C and I went out to dinner.
Flash forward a few hours. I'm at Hooters with a friend and the phone rings. I see "N" on the caller id. Again, I fumble the phone and my friend's like "oh, great...must be N." He's in the background yelling "HE LOVES YOU" and "HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU" and all that jazz. Lovely.
Either way, she called just to chat for a bit. First thing she asks if it's okay to stay over on Saturday....again, I said yes. She said she mentioned it to her dad and he's fine with it (whew)....so she's definitely staying over.
She called that guy she expressed interest in tonight and he officially asked her out on a date on Friday.
(record scratch)
What the? What? Who? Damnit. Shit. (insert expletive here)
I'm happy for her...and I told her that. As long as she's happy, I'm happy and supportive for her. But deep down I'm insanely jealous and trying to find reasons for her not to want to date him. I know it's my fault...you know the old saying...shit or get off the pot. But if that's what makes her happy...then I'm all for it.
Just as I'm at the peak of my trying to hide my jealousy and disappointment she asked "so what are you doing tomorrow?" As usual....nothing. She asks "you know, my dinner was moved to earlier...so I'm free tomorrow night."
(record scratch)
STOP. Stop it right there. Hold up. DING DING DING red flag. <img src=smilies/director.gif>
"We should do something tomorrow." Wham, bam, money gram. She and I don't have a destination yet (we kicked around a few ideas), but it's settled. I told her to IM me or call me tomorrow when she figures out what the exact time for dindin is and when she'd be done and such.
Now I'm going to over-analyze the situation. It would appear she's given red flags before and I either missed them or just didn't do anything. Why would she suddenly drop a blatant damn thing like that in the open AFTER SHE AGREES TO GO ON A DATE WITH THIS OTHER GUY? Was this other guy just something to motivate me? Does she just want my face to face advice for this other guy? Does she want this to be a practice date? Am I completely wrong and I'm just "a friend" to pass the time? Don't care....the point is I'LL BE WITH HER.
I speak for a living. I'm a professional broadcaster. I get paid to be witty, quick, funny, and talk. But I did it again tonight, too. I had NO IDEA what to say to her. There was a few instances of silence, of stuttering, of just not being able to think straight. But I made it through.
Well, now it's time for the drive home. The ENTIRE WAY my friend is picking on me about this. "OOOH SAM'S IN LOVE...OOH SAM LOVES N...YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH HER...YOU WANT HER...YOU'RE SO MADLY IN LOVE...YOU'RE IN DENIAL."
I just didn't say anything to it...because everything he said was true. I think the world of this girl and I just won't say it to her or even truly admit it to myself. But he's also totally right about at least one thing....I think I'm stuck in the "friend" category forever. You know, that nice guy that she befriends and wants to keep as a friend so someone will always be there.
Bah. More divine inspiration wants to flow.
You've changed my life,
And you'll never know it.
You've brought about certain emotions,
But I'll never show it.
We've laughed
We've cried
We've danced
We've dined
But still I sit here at home,
Alone in it.
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>