greener grass

[Lobster Cowboy]

still going out with my woman, but goddamn, the lure of other women is soooo freakin' strong. it's the oddest thing...when i can't have a girl, i want her madly. when i get a girl, i always think the grass is greener on the other side. of course, i break up with the girl, and later regret it, remembering the good times we had, saddened that i let it go.

how does one get out of this cycle? i like my girlfriend, but anytime i see another pretty face, i'm instantly smitten. maybe because a woman off the street is still a fantasy? i mean, until you spend time with them, they get to be as perfect as your mind will allow.

when i first saw my girlfriend, i thought she was damn foxy. now that i've seen her sick, cranky, bored, manic, etc., the thrill is wearing off, and i want the chase again. the chase for the perfect girl. the chase that never amounts to anything, but DAMN, is it a turn-on.

*sigh*

just thinking aloud. reply as you see fit.

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[puduhead]

it's just the way it is. that's all i know.

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[Swan3983]

> just thinking aloud. reply as you see fit.

Well, it's the nature of being a man that makes you feel this way. It's a biological thing... almost all guys are gonna want any good looking woman that they see. It's just the way things are. However, most guys eventually commit to one of the relationships along the way and while they may still want the other women, they refrain from actually hitting on these other women.

It sounds to me like maybe you still might not be ready for a commitment... or maybe you're subconsciously afraid of a commitment. I'm not a psychiatrist or anything... but I've heard those lines enough times to know that this seems like the right way to use them.

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[IceWolf20]

Stop "going out" with them...just "date" them. What's the difference you ask? Well, I have no idea, but someone explained it to me once...I guess is like "just going out and having fun/getting some/etc" vs "going steady." That way you still get to meet other people, see who's better in the sack and/or emotionally a better person....basically be a "playa" but in a sense that you are "seeking the perfect girl" not just bangning something that has tits and is breathing. Either that or just bang chicks on the side for the thrill of the chase. Now, I never have, nor ever plan on doing anything like this, and I in no way condone this type of behavior, but hey, it works for some people, and it will either eventually get you to find someone else, or appreciate what you have all the more....at least this is what a friend of mine told me. He's been going out with this girl for about 3 years or so, but occassionaly gets some ass on the side....I don't particularly like that kind of behavior b/c I view it as cheating....and so does he kinda, but he feels that it isn't emotional, keeps things exciting for him, and makes him realize how much he truly does love the one he's with....this isn't necessarliy advise...just throwing something out there

Now to the ladies out there....dont get all pissed off b/c I'm suggesting that he cheat on his girl...but rather look at it as an opportunity for him and you too to figure out what you really want. Oh, and btw...if you ladies would choose to do this...you are in no way a "hoe" but just getting a feel for what fits you best. On the other hand...if you're blowing guys at a Frat party to get a free cup and a kegstand...then yes...you are a slut-ass-hoe. And if you're a guy who just likes to nail as many chickes as humanly possible in a given week...then yes, you too are a slut-ass-man-whore. 'Nuff said about that....

I'm an equal opportunity Playa-Hata....get your PhD today! Playa Haters Degree online!!! Enroll today!

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[SpaceTiger]

> I don't particularly like that kind
> of behavior b/c I view it as cheating....and so does he
> kinda, but he feels that it isn't emotional, keeps things
> exciting for him, and makes him realize how much he truly
> does love the one he's with....

He's just rationalizing his animal impulses. If you really love someone, you should be able to faithful to them without "testing the waters." I have no problem with people who mutually agree to do stuff like that, but doing it behind someone's back is despicable, no matter how you slice it.


> Oh, and btw...if you ladies would
> choose to do this...you are in no way a "hoe" but just
> getting a feel for what fits you best.

I disagree. Cheating sucks under virtually all circumstances. Unless your guy/girl is beating you and you have kids you don't want to put through a divorce, you have no excuse.

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[IceWolf20]

> He's just rationalizing his animal impulses. If you really
> love someone, you should be able to faithful to them without
> "testing the waters." I have no problem with people who
> mutually agree to do stuff like that, but doing it behind
> someone's back is despicable, no matter how you slice it.

This is true, and I think that's what I was getting at...this guy just happens to be a "nicht sehr gut" example. Like I said, cheating is cheating and in my eyes is complete bullshit. I dont agree/condone it, but if that's what people decide to do as a couple, or agree to "just date" an its open for each other to date other people, then by all means, go for it.

> > Oh, and btw...if you ladies would
> > choose to do this...you are in no way a "hoe" but just
> > getting a feel for what fits you best.

> I disagree. Cheating sucks under virtually all
> circumstances. Unless your guy/girl is beating you and you
> have kids you don't want to put through a divorce, you have
> no excuse.

Agreed. See above clarification.


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[SpaceTiger]

> I dont agree/condone it, but if that's
> what people decide to do as a couple, or agree to "just
> date" an its open for each other to date other people, then
> by all means, go for it.

Ok, I thought that might have been what you were getting at, but I wasn't sure. I'm certainly not the sort to try to impose my way of life on other people, but if they're hurting somebody else with their actions, then it's not longer just their life that's being fucked with.

I think open relationships are a bad idea, but if other people wanna do it, it's fine with me. Also, I can see some value in the loose kind of dating you're describing, but ultimately, I don't think it achieves much. You can't really get to know someone (in the modern sense) just by sleeping with them. Usually, you have to get into the nitty gritty relationship stuff to see if you have any long term potential.

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[IceWolf20]

> I think open relationships are a bad idea, but if other
> people wanna do it, it's fine with me. Also, I can see some
> value in the loose kind of dating you're describing, but
> ultimately, I don't think it achieves much. You can't
really get to know someone (in the modern sense) just by
> sleeping with them. Usually, you have to get into the nitty
> gritty relationship stuff to see if you have any long term
> potential.

<img src=smilies/werd.gif>

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[WhyteKnight]

A thought. Is it possible that its not so much that you want a new relationship, or other relationships, but more that you want something extra or additional from the one you have?It sounds like you've rationalized this quite a bit, but you might consider focusing on what it feels like you're missing, identifying it more thoroughly, and trying to think of ways to create that feeling in your current relationship. Depending on what it is, it may be possible. Just a thought.

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[Fla Flash]

One of my ex-wives put it this way: "If you're not looking, I'll call the coroner. You'd have to be dead."
Point made, she explained it's in a guys nature.
I dunno.

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