SwampGas
03-17-2004, 07:27 AM
I want to do like 10 things for a living. It's quite frustrating. Law enforcement? Radio? DJ? Programming? Hardware? Sysadmin? Psychologist? Religion? I have strong desires to do these things because I believe I did them in a previous life.
I don't get drunk all the time, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't be a man whore, etc...I don't do all the typical "bad" things.
At this point I feel altruistic all the time. I feel guilty about getting a paycheck...I feel guilty about wanting material things...I have an incredibly strong desire to make people be happy. If I see someone having a bad day, I'll go out of my way to try and fix it. I get SO frustrated when I can't fix it, either. It puts ME in a bad mood because I'm helpless to help them.
I feel there's a bigger picture here and we're all missing it. I don't really consider myself a part of any particular religious affiliation. Christianity doesn't work because I won't accept Christ. Judaism doesn't completely match because I feel it's missing parts. None of the other religions match at all.
This all leads me to believe I'm at the end of my life cycle. I have a VERY old soul that's lived MANY lives, learned many lessons, and perhaps this is my last time around...one final lesson. Granted, I can't remember anything from the past other than making probable associations from my current desires and likings...
I think I was introduced to all this ghost/psychic/religious stuff because that's the lesson in this life. Last time around. Getting a head start.
The whole situation at my last apartment was an introduction to scare the hell out of me and say "hey man...this is real." It was also to show me that I have power of the "bad" elements and can command them to do whatever I want (such as...GO AWAY). I think it also may have been a test to see if I was ready to accept something on faith. I walked around, in the cold and rain early in the morning, to different churches downtown to seek out a particular person whom I was told to contact. They lock people up for claiming an unseen entity told me to do something.
Either way, I think religion might be the lesson this last time around. If someone brings up the subject, I'll talk for hours...or if someone speaks about it, I'll intently listen for hours.
I'm so lost in thought I've even forgotten the point of posting...just needed to get stuff off my chest as I thought of it.
Either way, to whomever is looking over my shoulder right now, I'm ready for the message. Stop letting me sit here like a retard and stress over what it is I'm supposed to do this time around. Hook me up with the answer.
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>
I don't get drunk all the time, don't smoke, don't do drugs, don't be a man whore, etc...I don't do all the typical "bad" things.
At this point I feel altruistic all the time. I feel guilty about getting a paycheck...I feel guilty about wanting material things...I have an incredibly strong desire to make people be happy. If I see someone having a bad day, I'll go out of my way to try and fix it. I get SO frustrated when I can't fix it, either. It puts ME in a bad mood because I'm helpless to help them.
I feel there's a bigger picture here and we're all missing it. I don't really consider myself a part of any particular religious affiliation. Christianity doesn't work because I won't accept Christ. Judaism doesn't completely match because I feel it's missing parts. None of the other religions match at all.
This all leads me to believe I'm at the end of my life cycle. I have a VERY old soul that's lived MANY lives, learned many lessons, and perhaps this is my last time around...one final lesson. Granted, I can't remember anything from the past other than making probable associations from my current desires and likings...
I think I was introduced to all this ghost/psychic/religious stuff because that's the lesson in this life. Last time around. Getting a head start.
The whole situation at my last apartment was an introduction to scare the hell out of me and say "hey man...this is real." It was also to show me that I have power of the "bad" elements and can command them to do whatever I want (such as...GO AWAY). I think it also may have been a test to see if I was ready to accept something on faith. I walked around, in the cold and rain early in the morning, to different churches downtown to seek out a particular person whom I was told to contact. They lock people up for claiming an unseen entity told me to do something.
Either way, I think religion might be the lesson this last time around. If someone brings up the subject, I'll talk for hours...or if someone speaks about it, I'll intently listen for hours.
I'm so lost in thought I've even forgotten the point of posting...just needed to get stuff off my chest as I thought of it.
Either way, to whomever is looking over my shoulder right now, I'm ready for the message. Stop letting me sit here like a retard and stress over what it is I'm supposed to do this time around. Hook me up with the answer.
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>