WhyteKnight
02-25-2004, 05:47 AM
Map of routes traveled. Initial southbound route is shown in <font color=red>Red</font>. Homeward route is shown in <font color=blue>Blue</font>. Line of events are numbered on map from first to last, in respective route colour.
<img src=http://www.whyteboard.org/wk/travels.jpg>
RED Route:
1. Left home 2/11around 4pm
2. Planets align in perfect synergy. The dog star eats the cat nebula and humps Orion's leg or something. Miraculously, there is neither snow nor wind while passing through the Chugwater area on I-25, despite the road and travel report predicting otherwise. Like they have to bother predicting in that shitty weather HQ.
3. I hate Colorado. 5 bucks to go 20 miles on the fucking expressway? Goddamn yuppies.
4. Crossed into central time and technically lost a full hour. Bah.
5. Arrive in Salina, Kansas the morning of 2/12. Went to Super 8, slept 6 hours.
6. Left Salina, picked up the I-135 exit and turned NORTH. I realize my mistake when the mileage signs start referring to places in Nebraska. Fuck. Chalk up an extra 120 miles.
7. I need gas. I only have a Shell card. I go to Blackwell, Oklahoma. A small town, much like mine, but with fewer people, more traffic lights, and more night life. AND THEY HAVE NO SHELL/TEXACO. Bastards. I return to I-35 and go to...
8. Tonkawa, Oklahoma. These bastards don't have one either. Back to teh road!
9. Perry, Oklahoma. Yay, a Texaco. Krispy Kreme donuts are tried for the first time. A love affair begins.
10. Shitty traffic forces me into the wrong exit in Dallas. I wander around trying to get back to the exit. This place blows.
11. I know it says Bossier City on the map, but this place is called Shreveport. Yay! Finally in the right state!
12. WTF? I realize I entered the wrong zip code when I got mapquest directions to Gonzales, which would send me hundreds of miles west of where I wanted to be. I whip out the state road map I had the foresight to grab at the tourist info center and find a shorter route. After some hardcore trekking on tiny Louisiana backroads, I get through Cheneyville, Bunkie (Bunkie!?), and LeBeau, then grab US 190 into Baton Rouge.
13. From BR, I nab I-10 Southeast, cross the fucking huge mississippi river, take my exit, and turn RIGHT. Just like Juggaleaux said. Which was WRONG. I find this out a half hour later when in desperation I go back to the exit and try a left. By this time its now like 5 hours later than when I expected to arrive. I locate the hotel, then go to find the place where I'm supposed to meet Flash. He's gone. I panic. I drive back and forth between hotel and bus stop like 4 or 5 times (a good 10+ miles each way), then give up and go to the hotel. The hotel is behind a strip club and is really seedy looking. No phone, no cable. I pay for my 4 nights (by gum as far as I drove I'm damn sure gonna get some time out of it) and park in front of my room. I open the door and check it out. The room is kinda yucky, but the beds are clean and sorta comfy. The TV gets local stations and washed out 20 year old porn running on a vcr feed in the office. Sheesh. At least it was cheap. I then hear someone call me from across the lot. Its Flash. Juggy picked him up (saints be praised!). He paid for a room for me too. Crap. We get that sorted out, bullshit a while and go have some pretty tasty chinese food. Play some dreamcast, sleep. Next day we get lost due to Juggaleaux's crap directions again. After asking like 3 people we find the church, barely in time. Wedding goes swell, reception goes swell. I get some slick pictures of Flash doing the twist. Flash gets slick picture of me dancing with Juggaleaux. I do likewise for Flash. We eat tons. As stuff wraps up, we prepare to go. Juggy teaches me how to pronounce boudin ("boo-dah," sort of) like a true jedi. The directions he gave me to a place to get some even end up working. Flash and myself get calls (on the little asian office lady's phone) from WhoaMan and Inuyasha. We chow on beer and teh pizza. Dreamcast is again played, sleep is had. I take Flash to bus station the next morning, we part company. I go back to hotel, read a book, read two magazines, watch lousy porn, watch masterpiece theatre on pbs, try boudin, sleep. Next day I do pretty much the same thing. Tuesday morning I check out and crap around gonzales for like 8 hours until I leave...
BLUE Route
1. I leave Gonzales, down airline highway, for New Orleans.
2. I Arrive in New Orleans. I get lost looking for St. Charles Avenue. I can't seem to arrive at it because some entire street is cordoned off for some parade. I drive around some more and ask for directions like twice. No luck. I start to meander towards the french quarter and get the fuck out of dodge when I realize where I am. I give up and call Phoenix. I find an intersection and park, to wait for Phoenix to come and find me. I turn the car off and attempt to look unmuggable and discouraging of any sort of trouble. I'm not bothered. Yay.
3. Phoenix finds me. Also Yay. We BS a while, then I am lead to St. Charles avenue, where food is partaken of at a Popeye's chicken. Phoenix rocks. Her friend who explained to me how to leave New Orleans also rocks. Pictures are taken. Some dude tries to panhandle me like 3 times. I resist the panhandling. I leave New Orleans, and head on my way home.
4. I stop at the Texas state line to rest. I have been awake for almost 24 hours. I give up and sleep for 6 in the parking lot.
5. Stopped to rest at Myrtle Springs. Cemetary is next to I-20. Fascination with Cemetary photography begins.
6. My wonderful Texas roadmap helps my bypass shithole Dallas.
7. I have teh tacos in Denton. Beef Tongue is yummy.
8. Oklahoma has shitty roads. None are marked. I go through Pink (heh heh) and miss the turn I wanted to get onto to bypass Oklahoma City. I go back into Pink (huh huh) and manage to guess which junction is correct. I eventually reach Arcadia and then Edmond, getting back on I-35
9. My Shell card quits working because all of the charges from traveling a few days ago come through all in one day and they think its card fraud. I have to use the money I had saved for a room in Salina. Fuck.
10. Parents come to the rescue (I love you Mom and Das no matter how much you grate on my nerves) with extra dough and a room in Salina. The Chinese restaurant here has General Tso's chicken to die for.
11. Bright idea that going through Nebraska will save me 5 bucks on the denver expressway surfaces. Mistake.
12. Old sign pointing to Immanuel Cemetary attempts to lure me off the road. Intuition says go for it. Hurry to leave Nebraska overrides intuition. Not 5 minutes later...
@$#%$%#*&! I get pulled over. 76 in a 65. The Trooper is cool though. He reports it as 75 and saves me 50 bucks on the ticket. I still owe 66 though. Fuck.
13. I hate Nebraska. There's less shit to look at here than in Kansas.
14. You haven't lived until you've had to bulldog your way down the interstate at 80 miles an hour while bucking 25-30 mph cross winds. Yay.
15. Sidney, Nebraska. Cabela's Corporate HQ and retail showroom. Its pretty badass. Like the one good thing in Nebraska. I apply for some lame credit card that I know I wont get so that they give me a 15 dollar gift certificate, which I use to get free shit.
16. Back in Wyoming. Yay. Fuck its cold. I spend the night at a friend's frat house in Laramie. I watch a dude get so plowed on beer and jaeger that he can neither walk, open his eyes, nor stand up. He can barely talk. Me and another dude end up hauling him to a sofa and holding him down so that he stops trying to get up and leave. By this time he says the police are in the trees and he has to walk to argentina. Whatever you say, buddy.
17. Home sweet home.
Miles Driven: 4346
Gallons of gas: approx. 152.5
Final thoughts;
Boudin is awesome. Flash is awesome. Juggy is awesome. Louisiana is pretty rad.
Fuck Texas. I say we give it back to Mexico. The people are unfriendly and they drive like assholes. Drive friendly my ass you fucking tourism billboard. Load up all the food and babes and move them north, then just give it back. Hell, if we annex Iraq we won't even have to take a star off the flag.
All in all though, very slick trip. Priceless, baby.
Also look for a new WhyteBoard article regarding budget traveling in the coming weeks.
<P ID="signature"><center><a href=http://faith.rydia.net/>http://www.girls-tacos.com/whyteknight/button_raven2.jpg</a></center></P>
<img src=http://www.whyteboard.org/wk/travels.jpg>
RED Route:
1. Left home 2/11around 4pm
2. Planets align in perfect synergy. The dog star eats the cat nebula and humps Orion's leg or something. Miraculously, there is neither snow nor wind while passing through the Chugwater area on I-25, despite the road and travel report predicting otherwise. Like they have to bother predicting in that shitty weather HQ.
3. I hate Colorado. 5 bucks to go 20 miles on the fucking expressway? Goddamn yuppies.
4. Crossed into central time and technically lost a full hour. Bah.
5. Arrive in Salina, Kansas the morning of 2/12. Went to Super 8, slept 6 hours.
6. Left Salina, picked up the I-135 exit and turned NORTH. I realize my mistake when the mileage signs start referring to places in Nebraska. Fuck. Chalk up an extra 120 miles.
7. I need gas. I only have a Shell card. I go to Blackwell, Oklahoma. A small town, much like mine, but with fewer people, more traffic lights, and more night life. AND THEY HAVE NO SHELL/TEXACO. Bastards. I return to I-35 and go to...
8. Tonkawa, Oklahoma. These bastards don't have one either. Back to teh road!
9. Perry, Oklahoma. Yay, a Texaco. Krispy Kreme donuts are tried for the first time. A love affair begins.
10. Shitty traffic forces me into the wrong exit in Dallas. I wander around trying to get back to the exit. This place blows.
11. I know it says Bossier City on the map, but this place is called Shreveport. Yay! Finally in the right state!
12. WTF? I realize I entered the wrong zip code when I got mapquest directions to Gonzales, which would send me hundreds of miles west of where I wanted to be. I whip out the state road map I had the foresight to grab at the tourist info center and find a shorter route. After some hardcore trekking on tiny Louisiana backroads, I get through Cheneyville, Bunkie (Bunkie!?), and LeBeau, then grab US 190 into Baton Rouge.
13. From BR, I nab I-10 Southeast, cross the fucking huge mississippi river, take my exit, and turn RIGHT. Just like Juggaleaux said. Which was WRONG. I find this out a half hour later when in desperation I go back to the exit and try a left. By this time its now like 5 hours later than when I expected to arrive. I locate the hotel, then go to find the place where I'm supposed to meet Flash. He's gone. I panic. I drive back and forth between hotel and bus stop like 4 or 5 times (a good 10+ miles each way), then give up and go to the hotel. The hotel is behind a strip club and is really seedy looking. No phone, no cable. I pay for my 4 nights (by gum as far as I drove I'm damn sure gonna get some time out of it) and park in front of my room. I open the door and check it out. The room is kinda yucky, but the beds are clean and sorta comfy. The TV gets local stations and washed out 20 year old porn running on a vcr feed in the office. Sheesh. At least it was cheap. I then hear someone call me from across the lot. Its Flash. Juggy picked him up (saints be praised!). He paid for a room for me too. Crap. We get that sorted out, bullshit a while and go have some pretty tasty chinese food. Play some dreamcast, sleep. Next day we get lost due to Juggaleaux's crap directions again. After asking like 3 people we find the church, barely in time. Wedding goes swell, reception goes swell. I get some slick pictures of Flash doing the twist. Flash gets slick picture of me dancing with Juggaleaux. I do likewise for Flash. We eat tons. As stuff wraps up, we prepare to go. Juggy teaches me how to pronounce boudin ("boo-dah," sort of) like a true jedi. The directions he gave me to a place to get some even end up working. Flash and myself get calls (on the little asian office lady's phone) from WhoaMan and Inuyasha. We chow on beer and teh pizza. Dreamcast is again played, sleep is had. I take Flash to bus station the next morning, we part company. I go back to hotel, read a book, read two magazines, watch lousy porn, watch masterpiece theatre on pbs, try boudin, sleep. Next day I do pretty much the same thing. Tuesday morning I check out and crap around gonzales for like 8 hours until I leave...
BLUE Route
1. I leave Gonzales, down airline highway, for New Orleans.
2. I Arrive in New Orleans. I get lost looking for St. Charles Avenue. I can't seem to arrive at it because some entire street is cordoned off for some parade. I drive around some more and ask for directions like twice. No luck. I start to meander towards the french quarter and get the fuck out of dodge when I realize where I am. I give up and call Phoenix. I find an intersection and park, to wait for Phoenix to come and find me. I turn the car off and attempt to look unmuggable and discouraging of any sort of trouble. I'm not bothered. Yay.
3. Phoenix finds me. Also Yay. We BS a while, then I am lead to St. Charles avenue, where food is partaken of at a Popeye's chicken. Phoenix rocks. Her friend who explained to me how to leave New Orleans also rocks. Pictures are taken. Some dude tries to panhandle me like 3 times. I resist the panhandling. I leave New Orleans, and head on my way home.
4. I stop at the Texas state line to rest. I have been awake for almost 24 hours. I give up and sleep for 6 in the parking lot.
5. Stopped to rest at Myrtle Springs. Cemetary is next to I-20. Fascination with Cemetary photography begins.
6. My wonderful Texas roadmap helps my bypass shithole Dallas.
7. I have teh tacos in Denton. Beef Tongue is yummy.
8. Oklahoma has shitty roads. None are marked. I go through Pink (heh heh) and miss the turn I wanted to get onto to bypass Oklahoma City. I go back into Pink (huh huh) and manage to guess which junction is correct. I eventually reach Arcadia and then Edmond, getting back on I-35
9. My Shell card quits working because all of the charges from traveling a few days ago come through all in one day and they think its card fraud. I have to use the money I had saved for a room in Salina. Fuck.
10. Parents come to the rescue (I love you Mom and Das no matter how much you grate on my nerves) with extra dough and a room in Salina. The Chinese restaurant here has General Tso's chicken to die for.
11. Bright idea that going through Nebraska will save me 5 bucks on the denver expressway surfaces. Mistake.
12. Old sign pointing to Immanuel Cemetary attempts to lure me off the road. Intuition says go for it. Hurry to leave Nebraska overrides intuition. Not 5 minutes later...
@$#%$%#*&! I get pulled over. 76 in a 65. The Trooper is cool though. He reports it as 75 and saves me 50 bucks on the ticket. I still owe 66 though. Fuck.
13. I hate Nebraska. There's less shit to look at here than in Kansas.
14. You haven't lived until you've had to bulldog your way down the interstate at 80 miles an hour while bucking 25-30 mph cross winds. Yay.
15. Sidney, Nebraska. Cabela's Corporate HQ and retail showroom. Its pretty badass. Like the one good thing in Nebraska. I apply for some lame credit card that I know I wont get so that they give me a 15 dollar gift certificate, which I use to get free shit.
16. Back in Wyoming. Yay. Fuck its cold. I spend the night at a friend's frat house in Laramie. I watch a dude get so plowed on beer and jaeger that he can neither walk, open his eyes, nor stand up. He can barely talk. Me and another dude end up hauling him to a sofa and holding him down so that he stops trying to get up and leave. By this time he says the police are in the trees and he has to walk to argentina. Whatever you say, buddy.
17. Home sweet home.
Miles Driven: 4346
Gallons of gas: approx. 152.5
Final thoughts;
Boudin is awesome. Flash is awesome. Juggy is awesome. Louisiana is pretty rad.
Fuck Texas. I say we give it back to Mexico. The people are unfriendly and they drive like assholes. Drive friendly my ass you fucking tourism billboard. Load up all the food and babes and move them north, then just give it back. Hell, if we annex Iraq we won't even have to take a star off the flag.
All in all though, very slick trip. Priceless, baby.
Also look for a new WhyteBoard article regarding budget traveling in the coming weeks.
<P ID="signature"><center><a href=http://faith.rydia.net/>http://www.girls-tacos.com/whyteknight/button_raven2.jpg</a></center></P>