advice needed

[Lobster Cowboy]

i have a good friend who's in the clutches of a total hosebeast. this girl is the pits, and if she just so happened to painfully die in some gory fashion, i'd be pretty pleased.

but anyway, she has to go. in the year since she started dating my buddy, he's become completely neutered. he's a total fucking puss now. we were supposed to hang out tomorrow night down in soho, but some fucking birthday party for one of the girl's friends came up, essentially ruining things. this isn't the first time he's bailed out on us because of this detestable wench, and prolly won't be the last.

now i'm not alone here. everyone i've talked to hates this this girl, including my best friend, who feels the same way i do (me, my neutered buddy and this guy are sort of like a trio of best friends). we want to stage some kind of intervention, but we're afraid we'll lose his friendship altogether. he used to be a great fuckin' guy, and it would suck not to see him again.

i think the main problem is that my friend is a virgin, and i think desperation might be clouding his good judgement. he's almost 25, and hasn't sunk his purple-headed warrior in any quivering love pudding yet, which can't be a good thing. i genuinely think that if he fucked before, he wouldn't be so tied to this hunking waste of life.

oh man...should i just tell this kid that his girlfriend sucks? i feel that either way, we're eventually gonna stop being friends because of this, but saying something might do something positive, right? truly, this girl blows goats...she whines all the time, has to always have her way, and is completely ignorant about anything outside of her lifestyle and hometown (which is the sewer of new york, i.e. long island).

fuck man...this bitch has to go before he truly does something stupid. like proposes to her. he already at the "taking the chick out to dinner with your parents" stage, which is nearing the point of no return.

all thoughts are welcome

<P ID="signature">http://socialistlobster.tripod.com/lobsterranx.txt</img> (http://www.mozilla.org)</P>

[fairykiller]

> all thoughts are welcome

why don't you let him decide who he wants to date?
if she isn't harming him and he likes her, i don't see why he should break up with her simply because his friends think she sucks. i'll take that back if she's actually bad for him (getting him to do drugs, cheating on him etc.) if all she is guilty of is whining and stealing away his guy-time, it probably makes more sense to try to talk your friend into spending more time with you rather than talking him into breaking up with someone he likes.
also, i wasn't really clear about this - is he spending all his time with her voluntarily, or is she forcing him to be with her all the time? it really sucks IMO to force your guy into spending time away from his friends, but maybe that is something she can change - i would talk to your friend, tell him to speak to her about it (if he wants to). i wouldn't tell him to break up with her unless you are convinced that she is seriously bad for him - i don't know what you mean by 'neutered' and 'pussy', but it sounds like he wants to be with her.

<P ID="signature">http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/sfa/lld_logo02.jpg </P>

[SpaceTiger]

I think you should tell your friend how you feel (in as nice a way as possible, preferably), but do not assume that it's in his best interest to dump her. It's entirely possible that he is happy with her and will continue to be happy with her in the future.

That said, there clearly is a problem, but I think the problem is with your friend. If he's choosing to bail out on you guys to do things with his girlfriend, then that's his fault, not hers. He's choosing his own course and if that involves not spending time with his friends, then you should make it clear that he could lose you as a friend if he doesn't come around. If, in response, the girlfriend threatens to dump him (in which case she really would be a bitch), then he's gotta decide what's most important to him.

If the main problem is just that you don't like the girl (and not that he's spending less time with you), then I think you should just suck it up. Good friends don't mess up relationships like that. Unless you have some reason that involves him being physically or emotionally endangered, you should let him choose his own path. I think you'll just end up causing him more pain if you try to intervene.

<P ID="signature">http://qonos.princeton.edu/nbond/tiger5.bmp</P>

[icenine0]

> - i don't know what you mean by
> 'neutered' and 'pussy', but it sounds like he wants to be
> with her.

Oh come now, it's obvious from context. The man makes plans with his buddies and then buckles like a seatbelt at his girly-girl's whim.

<P ID="signature">The more often you fail, the sweeter the taste of success!</P>

[Fla Flash]

> Oh come now, it's obvious from context. The man makes plans
> with his buddies and then buckles like a seatbelt at his
> girly-girl's whim.
>


Wow. :)

<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy/mean.png>
Don't piss off the little yellow rat...... (http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy)</P>

[Fla Flash]

I've seen this happen.
I feel for you, bud, but...
Don't intervene. If she's really poison, hopefully he'll see before it's too late. If not, good luck to him.
Other people's relationships can affect everyone around them.
I've seen other people mess up lives they didn't know they were messing with.
I've done it and had it done to me. It's painful as shit, but I believe it's part of the maturing process.
Your bud is gonna make his own decisions. That's the way it's gotta be. I do feel your pain, but there is nothing you can do. It would be dead wrong to intervene in an affair of the heart. That's don't go there land, so to speak.
Sorry.

<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy/mean.png>
Don't piss off the little yellow rat...... (http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy)</P>

[Octocrook]

People are in control of their own actions, whether or not a chick they're "in love" with puts her persuasive charm on him. If the relationship is really not for him, than he'll be figuring it out in due time.

<P ID="signature"><center><img src=http://images.southparkstudios.com/img/content/news/1640a.jpg>

"I wanna get down on my knees and start pleasin' Jesus! I wanna feel his salvation all over my face!"
</center></P>

[Goku]

Before any reasonable advice can be given, the following questions must be asked.

1. How long has your buddy be going with this girl?

If he hasnt been with her long (less than 3 months), then ofcourse he is going to be spending all his time with her. It is natural. That is life. Just suck it up! He will come around when the newness of the relationship wears off! Please note, I realize you said "in the year". What i mean is have they been serious for a short time or long time? Going out for coffee or seeing a movie once every 2 weeks isnt very serious! Quad-weekly heavy makeout sessions are serious! (to some). Besides, he is only now taking her out for dinner with his parents? Does not seem that he has been serious about her for long!

2. Is your friend really a virgin?

If he comes from a religious background he can just be saying that. Afterall, it would be very "bad" for his family to hear about him fucking around if they were very devout. My sister and her husband lived together for a year before they were married and claimed up and down that they were both virgins. Yeah right! Sleeping in the same bed - I don't think so! The thing is, the husbands family is Al Queada style devout so they would not dare admit if the did.

3. What did your plans in soho anyway? Were they to stand around in a corner or hit the local clubs to pick up chicks? Well, having a girlfriend would make those plans less appealing to him (and her). Besides, skipping you for her friends birthday party is an understandable thing! Afterall, when you start going out with someone their friends begin to become your friends!

4. Is he happy with her? Some people like the whiny get your own way type girl? I had a good friend who just loves those type of girls. Right now my girl is an emotional basket case. When she gets frustrated - she cries. I dont mind holding her and stuff. It is fine with me. She truly cares about me. Besides, it is usually me getting my way anyway which is a very nice change since my last girlfriend.

5. You have alot of venom towards your friends girl. Your friend has probaly picked up on that from your actions and the odd freudian slip! If thats the case, why the hell would he want to hang with you guys? If he knows he is only going to get slack about his girl, what fun is that? You and your friend could be push him away and into the arms of his girl!

6. Do you and your friend have girlfriends? No, then couldn't you be just a teeny little bit jealous of your friend than?

7. Above all - dont intervene. If you dont like the girl, just suck it up. If you intervene, he will run further into her arms.







<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.angelfire.com/droid/google/goku.txt>
Goku -"i hate it when my hemmoroids act up"</P>

[puduhead]

My pals and I are in a similar situation with a friend of ours. In fact, he's gone for the weekend cuz he flew to be with her family for thanksgiving. His chick is immature, self-centered, controlling and arrogant. My friend has even admitted his grievances about a couple of those things, but he still plans to marry her this spring.

My buddy also is a virgin and the guys and I have arrived at the same conclusion, that he wants to get his pee pee played with and can't see an alternative solution right now. He's also a very good looking guy, and nice, so he could get about any chick he wants.

Basically, I just leave the situation be. I pretty much always operate on a path of non-interference with people's personal lives. I don't like this situation, but I can't bring myself to talk trash to his face about his girlfriend.

i don't think there's anything productive you can do in your situation either. The girl does sound like a hose-beast. R.I.P your buddy and mine.

<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/puduhead/puduhead.jpg></P>

[puduhead]

> i don't know what you mean by 'neutered' and 'pussy', but it
> sounds like he wants to be with her.

It's quite simple so I'll explain it for anyone that doesn't know:

Men tend to think with their cock. Sometimes, a girl comes a long that hits his buttons so to speak and he of his own free will relinquishes all control. One might describe him as "happy" or "content" with his relationship but it's usually because he lacks much relationship and/or physical experiences with the gender of his preference. And so, in my opinion, those guys are owned.

Being owned is usually looked upon as a bad thing by the guy's friends if said friends do not have a girlfriend, or do have one but are savvy enough to steer away from the pitfalls that bind your free will in a relationship.

On top of that, when the chick that a guy has essentially lost himself to is in reality a bitch, the guy's buddies are at their peak levels of disgust and defiance of their cherished friend's situation. Because if a guy is technically sort of owned, but his girlfriend is nice and caring and respectful, then it's clear to see that the problem lies with the guy and how he's handling his love or whatever and you just leave him be in the euphoria of his lovefest. But when the chick is less than nice, it becomes more apparent that some ill-fated work is at hand.

<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/puduhead/puduhead.jpg></P>

[fairykiller]

> Oh come now, it's obvious from context. The man makes plans
> with his buddies and then buckles like a seatbelt at his
> girly-girl's whim.

Well, sure, but if that is what he wants to do, then he's making his own choices and I would go for the non-interference policy. I certainly wouldn't want to be the friend who breaks up a relationship for no better reason than this.

I did advise a friend to break up with her boyfriend once, because she was obsessed with him and I knew he was cheating on her. If she was simply being obsessive and the guy was actually nice, it would suck for me because I wouldn't be able to spend time with her, but I would find something else to do that was more constructive than interfering with her life.

<P ID=&quot;signature&quot;><img src=&quot;http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/sfa/lld_logo02.jpg&quot;> </p>

[Narvick]

bros before hoes dude...bros before hoes. :o

<P ID="signature">:o....:o!</P>

[Kuikorosu]

YOU SHOULD CALL DOWN THE UNHOLY POWER OF SATAN THE DESTROYER TO DEVOUR THEIR SOULS!

I mean...you should talk to him, and try to make your point of view heard without destroying your friendship. Issues with romances that you aren't directly involved in are very fickle things, and could easily result in hurt feelings. Yeah. Something like that.

CTHULHU COMMANDS YOU TO SPILL THEIR BLOOD AND SACRIFICE THEM ON THE UNHOLY ALTAR!

<P ID="signature"></P>

[Lobster Cowboy]

> bros before hoes dude...bros before hoes. :o
>

ahh...someone who understands

<P ID="signature">http://socialistlobster.tripod.com/lobsterranx.txt</img> (http://www.mozilla.org)</P>