Don't read this post.

[Kuikorosu]

I think the only thing that I'm really ever concerned with is affecting others.

When I'm in college, I want to do well to please my family. When I am at home, I try to do my share. This is why I really want to move out on my own. That way, if I become a complete failure in everything, I'm the only person I drag down. Nobody has to be there when I fuck up. If I end up changing my major and taking X years more college, then nobody will have to help me foot the bill for a roof over my head.

I want to go live on my own, because I've lost direction as to what I want to do in college. It turns out that every class I take in the two years that I'm at a university will be a programming class, and I've found out that I really, really don't like to program. So I want to change my major to something else. That might require different classes. That might require more years in college.

I'm a failure deep down. I just try to keep it all together for the sake of those around me. Doomed to pull my own burden along, on this long, endless, lonely voyage towards...something, or perhaps nothing.

Maybe it's all the same.

(Now why did you go and read this post?)

<P ID="signature"></P>

[IceWolf20]

> I'm a failure deep down. I just try to keep it all together
> for the sake of those around me. Doomed to pull my own
> burden along, on this long, endless, lonely voyage
> towards...something, or perhaps nothing.
>
> Maybe it's all the same.

All I can say is that I can relate as to where you're comming from....all my life has been spent trying hopelessly to make everyone happy, except for the person that matters most. I'm not going to give you some bullshit rhetoric that "hey man, don't worry, it'll get better...." because then I'd be lying. The only thing you can do at this point is pretty much say "fuck em" to everyone (but no so much as to ostracize you from them....don't make the mistake I did), and concentrate on doing what it is that makes you happy. But if you're like me, then you have no idea as to what it is that makes you happy and you just keep going for the sake of others. Live life for what you want it to be, and if you don't know what that is...hell, just try something . And if that requires you to change your major and take an extra year at college...so be it. Sure it'll run you thousands more in student loans, but hey, I'll be 37 when I pay mine off....no big deal really. I know it sucks plodding through life thinking you're a burden to everyone and you only exist for others. All I can say is make a concerted attempt to forget about everyone else for a bit and focus on what it is that you want....you and only you. Invariably we're all heading to the same place....death. But its what you do before that end that makes your life what you want. Something....nothing.....that's up to you, and up to how you want to perceive what you do. You could lead a life that "society" would feel is not ambitious or worthwhile, but damnit, if you're cool with it....fuck 'em! Good luck man, and always remember.....you can get through anything, it took me a long time to realize this, but now that I finally have no matter how shitty it is now, it can either get shittier or better, but what difference does it make? You make your life what it is, and no one can tell you what it should be. Good, bad, or ugly, your life is yours and yours alone. Now get out there and.....do whatever the hell you want.

<P ID="signature"><div align="center">http://stuorgs.lvc.edu/acm/_private/ZMD.gif
...the way to be!</div></P>

[loonyme]

> I think the only thing that I'm really ever concerned with
> is affecting others.When I'm in college, I want to do well to please my family. When I am at home, I try to do my share.

hell i thought i was the only one suffering from this problem. i'm making all my decisions for other people too-but i don't know how else to make them cause these people mean everything too me yet i can't expect them to understand my way of thinking......i don't see a choice here.

> I'm a failure deep down. I just try to keep it all together
> for the sake of those around me.

yup i guess when you just exist without any of 'you' in your existence you become a loser.

on a vaguely brighter note atlest you see your problem-i know lots of people who try to pass off this sort of existence as their own when they actually do stuff of all reasons other than themselves.

a pair of rails
running into the infinite
no beginning, no end
only desolate landmarks
mute and unrevealing.
life?

<P ID="signature">JUSTME</P>

[loonyme]

All I can say is make a concerted attempt to
> forget about everyone else for a bit and focus on what it is
> that you want....you and only you.

unfortunately not everyone has this option available to them<img src=smilies/banghead.gif><img src=smilies/banghead.gif>

<P ID="signature">JUSTME</P>

[Fla Flash]

If you can't please yourself or be yourself, you can't possibly please someone else. I, above all people, understand this. Kuik, I know what you're goin' through. I went through it wayyyyy earlier.(Not an age reference, btw).
My dad left home when I was 12. Mom left me in charge of my two brothers (one mentally retarded) and my sister.
The 'normal' brother set the yard on fire twice (part of the rebellion due to the shakeup of the family) which got my ass kicked by my mom twice (for not watching him close enough).
I toiled under everyone elses expectations till my thirties.
Which explains why I feel closer to ZMD than people my own age.
Wow.
I'm a case study. <img src=smilies/cwm27.gif>

<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy/mean.png>
Don't piss off the little yellow rat...... (http://www.elazulspad.com/flashy)</P>