decaheximal
11-05-2003, 06:38 PM
So, I was coerced into seeing Matrix Revolutions this morning. At 8am. Pried from bed early, subjected to some wake-up treatment, stuffed into a car, and driven fifteen miles away from warm bedness to some newfangled theater thingie. Now bear in mind, I'm one who's notoriously behind the times on ANY cinematic event. The last theater I went to, three-some-odd years ago, was a shit hole in Wisconsin that seats about eighty uncomfortably, has a screen the size of a sleazy motel matress, and is complete with comparable stains, too. I can't even remember what the hell the movie was.
Anyway, we get to this magnificent I-MAX theater, and guess what? I get there about half an hour early, and walk easily up to the ticket booth and get a comfortable seat. And I can't imagine how many other people were camping out days prior to the big opening. Oh, but it gets better. I'm standing in line, and what happens? A bunch of newscasters run up to me and start talking. Me. Have you ever seen me? Probably not.
But why? I'm basically surrounded by real-life replicas of Neo, and they walk up to... me. Great. A lot of people that are interviewed tend not to actually make it to the news, but I can just feel this: I'm going to be televised without a shadow of a doubt. After all, intelligent people aren't very healthy for the cosmetics of media. Now bear in mind, I'm a total disaster at any point before, oh, say four in the afternoon. And that's when I actually get a good night's sleep. Which I didn't. I basically ended up saying, to all of Chicago on channel 7, something to the effect of "Dar, I like priddy lady!! Treeneety wear tight pants, makes nice butt 4 me! <img src=smilies/retard.gif>" And the question was "Who is your favorite character and why?"
Who is my favorite character? Who is my favorite character. Come on. God, I only saw the second matrix movie this very morning, mere hours before the hallmark simultaneous global showing event thingie. And that wasn't really by personal design either. I can see it now. They'll all see me, and they'll all point. They'll all go "Hey look! It's decaheximal!" And then they'll laugh. They'll laugh and laugh, and they'll say things like "He's the chicken of the sea!" And I'll go, "But... isn't that... tuna?" And they'll just point and laugh more.
Oh, uh... and the spoiler. Well, let's see, how can I ruin the plot for everyone... oh, I've got it: Morpheus... does............ things. Yeah. Smith does some things too. And if I recall, even Neo does some things. (Okay, so I don't enjoy spoiling films for people.) However, seriously now, I might give a minor spoiler in the following paragraph, so if you don't want to risk it, stop reading now.
I'm not actually revealing the plotline or anything, this is just my impression of the film. As I watched this movie, I must admit, I was sitting on the edge of my seat like a sissy schoolgirl going "OH MY GOD. THIS IS SO GOOD. THIS IS SO GOOD. OH MY GOD. <img src=smilies/puke.gif> ::too much excitement::" But, that changed about ten to fifteen minutes from the end of the film. WORST ENDING EVER. I walked away seriously about to cry. I'm not saying it's one of those sad endings that makes you sob for eternity, oh no, this is one of those horribly thought out endings that makes you want to die. The plotline seriously went to complete shit in the final moments. _Nothing_ fit together right. As if they took a giant 10,000 piece puzzle, and put 9,990 pieces together correctly, then just haphazardly jammed the rest in any damn way they'd fit. With a hammer. Like, they could just as well have taken the movie up until the most climatic final action scene, and right before the ultimate resolution was about to be known... the screen could have shown farm animal "bloopers" and played the Benny Hill theme song. It would have been just as good. Well, maybe slightly better for the completely tasteless humor factor.
In conclusion, none of us said a word on the drive back from the I-MAX. We all departed in silent solitude, for it had felt like a part of us was missing somehow. A great empty void had simply not been filled. And this is coming from someone who's hardly a big Matrix-nut no-life fan kind of guy.
<P ID="signature">----
This sentence is false. The previous statement was true.</P>
Anyway, we get to this magnificent I-MAX theater, and guess what? I get there about half an hour early, and walk easily up to the ticket booth and get a comfortable seat. And I can't imagine how many other people were camping out days prior to the big opening. Oh, but it gets better. I'm standing in line, and what happens? A bunch of newscasters run up to me and start talking. Me. Have you ever seen me? Probably not.
But why? I'm basically surrounded by real-life replicas of Neo, and they walk up to... me. Great. A lot of people that are interviewed tend not to actually make it to the news, but I can just feel this: I'm going to be televised without a shadow of a doubt. After all, intelligent people aren't very healthy for the cosmetics of media. Now bear in mind, I'm a total disaster at any point before, oh, say four in the afternoon. And that's when I actually get a good night's sleep. Which I didn't. I basically ended up saying, to all of Chicago on channel 7, something to the effect of "Dar, I like priddy lady!! Treeneety wear tight pants, makes nice butt 4 me! <img src=smilies/retard.gif>" And the question was "Who is your favorite character and why?"
Who is my favorite character? Who is my favorite character. Come on. God, I only saw the second matrix movie this very morning, mere hours before the hallmark simultaneous global showing event thingie. And that wasn't really by personal design either. I can see it now. They'll all see me, and they'll all point. They'll all go "Hey look! It's decaheximal!" And then they'll laugh. They'll laugh and laugh, and they'll say things like "He's the chicken of the sea!" And I'll go, "But... isn't that... tuna?" And they'll just point and laugh more.
Oh, uh... and the spoiler. Well, let's see, how can I ruin the plot for everyone... oh, I've got it: Morpheus... does............ things. Yeah. Smith does some things too. And if I recall, even Neo does some things. (Okay, so I don't enjoy spoiling films for people.) However, seriously now, I might give a minor spoiler in the following paragraph, so if you don't want to risk it, stop reading now.
I'm not actually revealing the plotline or anything, this is just my impression of the film. As I watched this movie, I must admit, I was sitting on the edge of my seat like a sissy schoolgirl going "OH MY GOD. THIS IS SO GOOD. THIS IS SO GOOD. OH MY GOD. <img src=smilies/puke.gif> ::too much excitement::" But, that changed about ten to fifteen minutes from the end of the film. WORST ENDING EVER. I walked away seriously about to cry. I'm not saying it's one of those sad endings that makes you sob for eternity, oh no, this is one of those horribly thought out endings that makes you want to die. The plotline seriously went to complete shit in the final moments. _Nothing_ fit together right. As if they took a giant 10,000 piece puzzle, and put 9,990 pieces together correctly, then just haphazardly jammed the rest in any damn way they'd fit. With a hammer. Like, they could just as well have taken the movie up until the most climatic final action scene, and right before the ultimate resolution was about to be known... the screen could have shown farm animal "bloopers" and played the Benny Hill theme song. It would have been just as good. Well, maybe slightly better for the completely tasteless humor factor.
In conclusion, none of us said a word on the drive back from the I-MAX. We all departed in silent solitude, for it had felt like a part of us was missing somehow. A great empty void had simply not been filled. And this is coming from someone who's hardly a big Matrix-nut no-life fan kind of guy.
<P ID="signature">----
This sentence is false. The previous statement was true.</P>