puduhead
11-04-2003, 01:04 PM
i don't know what I find so comforting about categories. It's just the way my mind works maybe. I can't help but see categories everywhere I look. Categories of people that look and act like they belong together. which is my own dilema.
I've never felt like I fit into any of the categories of people that I see. In high school, I did the choir thing and the jock thing. I was a video game geek and an outgoing guy that flirted with chicks. I was very active in my religion, but very friendly with drug-using so-cal thugs.
these things have followed me to present day. for everything that seems extreme on one side, I've got something on the other to balance it out. So i'm never too nerdy or "too cool". nerdiness, I've never had a fear about going too far into because i think it's harmless. nerds are great people. being cool, that's where my phobia kicks in. most cool people I meet, see, or read about, I hate. I think they're stuck up, full of themselves, and disinteresting. Yet, I allow myself in part, to subscribe to some of the "cooler" aspects of life. just because some things I enjoy or am good at happen to be cool.
you might be thinking - so what's the problem with all of this? I don't know. I just get back to the category stuff and have this inner pressure to just pick ONE group and stick with it. One type of people. one category. instead, I end up feeling that I can relate to just about everyone, but never really belong anywhere. and that's not necessarily the fault of others for rejecting me, so much as me rejecting the commitment to a certain way of life.
it all means nothing of course. think twice before offering some heartfelt advice on the subject. hahahaha. these are musings, nothing more.
p.s. i don't even know how to categorize my IRL friends right now. in a way, they're all gamer geeks. and not all that snappy of dressers either. hahaha. on the other hand, they're intelligent, fun, and creative. and they don't fall victim to the group-mentality thing that stagnates in so many other social clicks I see. i think that may be a common thread in my group of friends - we don't fit in anywhere else. so we have joined forces.
normality is shockingly vulgar.
<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/puduhead/puduhead.jpg></P>
I've never felt like I fit into any of the categories of people that I see. In high school, I did the choir thing and the jock thing. I was a video game geek and an outgoing guy that flirted with chicks. I was very active in my religion, but very friendly with drug-using so-cal thugs.
these things have followed me to present day. for everything that seems extreme on one side, I've got something on the other to balance it out. So i'm never too nerdy or "too cool". nerdiness, I've never had a fear about going too far into because i think it's harmless. nerds are great people. being cool, that's where my phobia kicks in. most cool people I meet, see, or read about, I hate. I think they're stuck up, full of themselves, and disinteresting. Yet, I allow myself in part, to subscribe to some of the "cooler" aspects of life. just because some things I enjoy or am good at happen to be cool.
you might be thinking - so what's the problem with all of this? I don't know. I just get back to the category stuff and have this inner pressure to just pick ONE group and stick with it. One type of people. one category. instead, I end up feeling that I can relate to just about everyone, but never really belong anywhere. and that's not necessarily the fault of others for rejecting me, so much as me rejecting the commitment to a certain way of life.
it all means nothing of course. think twice before offering some heartfelt advice on the subject. hahahaha. these are musings, nothing more.
p.s. i don't even know how to categorize my IRL friends right now. in a way, they're all gamer geeks. and not all that snappy of dressers either. hahaha. on the other hand, they're intelligent, fun, and creative. and they don't fall victim to the group-mentality thing that stagnates in so many other social clicks I see. i think that may be a common thread in my group of friends - we don't fit in anywhere else. so we have joined forces.
normality is shockingly vulgar.
<P ID="signature"><img src=http://www.elazulspad.com/puduhead/puduhead.jpg></P>