SwampGas
10-27-2003, 08:39 AM
i had ANOTHER dream last night regarding my ex....yay. <img src=smilies/cwm10.gif>
a few mins ago i was scanning a directory for a picture i took a long time ago and i found the pic of the two of us dancing (first time we went out). it disturbed me so much that i had to get up and just pace around the room.
i don't get it...it's been over a year and a half yet not a day goes by that i don't spend a good portion of the day with her on my mind.
if you look in the archive of the diary board i'm sure you'll see a monthly post saying the same thing about her. i still have yet to have anything change.
it's not like i sit around and TRY to think of it...most of the time i dream about it so when i wake up it's the first thing i'm thinking of. i'd say 90% of the time the dream is somewhat sexual in nature...but the basis of it is i'm always trying to rationalize a way to get past what she did to me. every single time there's that tension of hatred towards her...and then the rest of the dream is about finding a technicality in the situation so it'd be alright to be with her again.
last night's dream is pretty faded by now...but what i can remember is she was in the shower (bathroom was unknown...never been there before) and i went in to piss. i'm assuming we were together. i made a lot of noise on purpose so she'd notice me in there. she shuts the shower off, sits on the edge of the tub, and then there's a feeling of tension....like we're both mad at each other and neither of us wants to talk first (quite common during our last year of on/off crap), but we both want to say something. there was a second part but i don't remember it anymore.
like i said...it's not like i sit around and obsess over thoughts....but it's almost always somewhere in my mind and it's quite frequently in my dreams.
i need a pro bono shrink or something. <img src=smilies/cry.gif>
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>
a few mins ago i was scanning a directory for a picture i took a long time ago and i found the pic of the two of us dancing (first time we went out). it disturbed me so much that i had to get up and just pace around the room.
i don't get it...it's been over a year and a half yet not a day goes by that i don't spend a good portion of the day with her on my mind.
if you look in the archive of the diary board i'm sure you'll see a monthly post saying the same thing about her. i still have yet to have anything change.
it's not like i sit around and TRY to think of it...most of the time i dream about it so when i wake up it's the first thing i'm thinking of. i'd say 90% of the time the dream is somewhat sexual in nature...but the basis of it is i'm always trying to rationalize a way to get past what she did to me. every single time there's that tension of hatred towards her...and then the rest of the dream is about finding a technicality in the situation so it'd be alright to be with her again.
last night's dream is pretty faded by now...but what i can remember is she was in the shower (bathroom was unknown...never been there before) and i went in to piss. i'm assuming we were together. i made a lot of noise on purpose so she'd notice me in there. she shuts the shower off, sits on the edge of the tub, and then there's a feeling of tension....like we're both mad at each other and neither of us wants to talk first (quite common during our last year of on/off crap), but we both want to say something. there was a second part but i don't remember it anymore.
like i said...it's not like i sit around and obsess over thoughts....but it's almost always somewhere in my mind and it's quite frequently in my dreams.
i need a pro bono shrink or something. <img src=smilies/cry.gif>
<P ID="signature"><marquee direction=right scrollamount=10>http://www.zophar.net/personal/swampgas/hsrun.gif</marquee></P>